3 1/2 Minutes from Hell

there were just over 56 glorious minutes.... sure, we were down by 10 at the beginning. but we came back and tied it... we moved ahead before the half.

and then we were ahead by 17 points!

the houston texans! ahead of the indianapolis colts by 17 points heading into the final moments of the game.

i had to be dreaming..... i had heard about the one and only time we had beaten the colts... but in a cruel trick of fate i was in wisconsin for that game and didn't get to see it.

that was december of 2006.

and now here is was.... two seasons later. 10-27, houston.

i was about ready to join the thunderous chant of "sage! sage! sage!" that has grown louder and louder over the years with most houston fans.

"put sage in," they would say. "schaub sucks. sage should be the starter," would mutter another.

"sage is too inconsistent," i would remind them. i've always defended our starters. david carr because he was hot (and better than the team around him, i still believe). and matt has promise... he just needs a better front line.

but suddenly....with matt schaub on the sidelines after an extreme illness saw him hospitalized saturday night... after rosenfels had the chance to show everyone that he could live up to what they all believed.....

here we were! 56 1/2 minutes into an unbelievable win over the colts.

and then the texans did what the texans do best:




they fucked it up.

it only took a little over two minutes. first rosenfels went for an idiotic play we didn't need (remember - up by 17 with under four minutes to play). he launched himself for a first down. not a quarterback slide... no.... he launched himself. he fumbled the ball. the colts scored. 17-27, houston.

the next houston drive.... rosenfels fumbles a loosely held ball. colts score. 24-27.

okay, great... we now have under two minutes.... we can drive down the field - or just hold on to the fucking ball and run out the clock.

but no... not our houston texans.... not sage rosenfels. he throws an interception.

yeah....

i think it took about two plays for peyton manning to get it into the endzone. final score: 31-27, indianapolis.

it was the greatest breakdown in the final five minutes of any nfl game. ever.

so i'll say it again: sage rosenfels is too inconsistent.

and coach gary kubiak is, apparently, a moron.

you're up by 17 points... there's under four minutes to play. you just protect the ball. convert some third downs... run out the clock.

what the fuck was rosenfels trying to prove? he had the job....

it was our first home game of the season... delayed by hurricane ike. the roof will need to be open all season due to the damage by the hurricane to the roof of reliant stadium. for just over 56 minutes, the houston fans had something to cheer about after 3 road games lost. after 15 days of no power....

after a september that was abysmal for most houstonians.

so thanks, guys. at least you're consistent. you always find new and surprising ways to suck.

i don't know how anyone cheers for more than one houston team. i couldn't take all that disappointment. the texans are enough, thank you.

oh...but my cubbies blew it too.

(why do i like sports again?)

our next three games are against teams that are usually considered worse than we are: miami (who is on the rise), detroit and cincinnati.

i'm not sure how we'll fuck this one up... but give the texans time. they'll figure out a way to fail.

it's like watching the democrats.

e.

Notes From All Over: 200th Entry Edition

so....did you know that this would be my 200th blog entry? kinda kooky, huh?

seems like it came out of nowhere...

of course, between the storm. the fifteen (yes, count them: 15) days without power. this week being the close of last month's books at work. not to mention the 2009 budget was due this week.

and did i mention i didn't have power for fifteen days?

yeah... this blog entry came out of nowhere.

so, i kinda feel like a bit of a recap. maybe some thoughts on the past 200. probably more thoughts on the past three weeks.

but some thoughts. for the 200th entry...

hurricane horror stories
it seems so long ago now that a series on the horrors of the storm just seem, well, dated.

my friend steven and i hunkered down in my place with his two dogs, 96 bottles of water, six gallons of water, lots of bread and peanut butter... and WAY too much junk food. oh - and booze.

i really couldn't sleep as the night of the 12th turned into the early morning hours of the 13th of september. by 1:40 am - we had lost power. by 3am - we were in the thick of it, as the man says.

i spent the next three hours plugging up leaks on the north and west side of my apartment like some little dutch boy. all the while listening to the eerie screech of metal across cement from the construction site across the street from me. i thought for sure it was the mobile leasing office just waiting to fly into my apartment.

but it was so dark outside...and there was so much wind and rain... i couldn't see shit. and everytime i tried to peek outside the window - it felt like it was ready to pop in on me... so i ran and hid.

it was a long night... when the daylight began to break through the clouds and the pissing down rain of the early morning hours... i saw the road outside was a river... it was a giant storage unit that had been blown across the cement... and a shit load of downed trees, fences and shingles.

i am happy to admit: i was scared. i no longer need to wish for a category one hurricane.

just a tropical storm, in the future.

oh - and did i mention that steven slept through all of this.....?

15 days
it took centerpoint energy 15 days to get the lights on for me. all around me there were lights. i've discussed this. on the 15th day...early afternoon. the trucks descended on my neighborhood like bears (gay, not the animals) on an all you can eat hotdog contest. lots of hunky men flared out across the streets. and at about 4:20 pm... i watched the centerpoint man rise up to meet the blown transformer across the street from my living room.

he took the old one down. he hung a new one. he flipped the latch....and i turned to look at my ceiling fan.

15 days later...it began to spin.

jo jones: power woman
power was restored to my place of business five days after the storm. bigger problem: there was a giant oak on the building.

but councilwoman jolanda jones of houston came to the rescue and put us on the top of the priority list. (it's good being a nonprofit.) four pieces of heavy equipment and a crane later... the tree was off by friday. we reopened on monday.

jolanda jones was on survivor. and she pulled someone from a burning car a couple of months ago.

she's a superwoman. vote for her.

the election
i suppose i would be remiss if i didn't mention the election in my 200th entry. believe it or not.... the election has been going on for as long as i've been blogging.

madness, i know... but like crack for us politicos.

last week ole cryptkeeper mccain and the messiah known as obama debated in mississippi.

the debate was called a draw by most but i honestly felt like obama came off as the winner. and i say this with all due impartiality. mccain seemed confused and off his game throughout the debate... and he would fall back on stock answers obviously given to him by his handlers. "record" this and "leadership" that... and he would just unjustly attack obama with out and out lies.

and obama didn't let him get away with it....

obama was able to talk about a broader range of issues... from the economy to foreign policy. and he held his own on the stage with mccain in a foreign policy debate. was he great? no... but he was solid.

here's a simple way to know obama won the debate. my older brother is about as red as they come.... hates hillary like a good republican should... but he's not thrilled with either obama or mccain.

but it bugged the shit out of him that mccain would never...not once...look at obama.

obama would address mccain directly. he would look at him while he spoke. (you guys know i'm all about body language... just look back at my coverage of the hillary/obama debates.) but mccain just couldn't even bring himself to look at obama once.

and that really turned my brother off.

tonight... palin takes on biden and i'm probably looking forward to this more than any other debate.

my friend sally thinks biden should just bring out a globe, spin it and ask palin to name the president of any country his finger lands on. hell, ask her to name the country!

but i think biden has to be careful.... he can't come across as condescending or beating up on palin. he has a fine line he must walk.

palin...after interviews with gibson, couric and hannity, expectations are low. but don't let her fool you. we've already seen that she can charm a crowd.

also of note: both are gaffe machines. so let's see what happens.

football
the hurricane really fucked up my football viewing. i lost all of week 2 that first weekend. no college ball. no nfl. this a week after tom brady of the pats was injured and declared done for the season.

i can only imagine what i missed from the talking heads of the fox pregame show.

the following weekend... i was able to watch my beloved houston texans humiliate themselves. my friend rhoda and i went to a sports bar to watch the game. it was awful... the game, not the sports bar. the sports bar was, um, okay... some hot guys. but not nearly enough.

the texans also lost this past weekend..... but at least they were in the game against jacksonville.

and the texas longhorns are looking good so far this year. AP has them ranked at #5 after some major upsets last weekend. but i can't let this segment on football end without a shout out to my dear friend kristen.

kristen is a texas alum. and a good friend... she offered me access to her home (that never lost power) throughout my fifteen days. including for the games and the debate.

so...i took her up on the texas/rice game on the 20th.

i love kristen... i do. but never again..... and this all comes from love.

she told me to arrive early.. the game started at 6pm. "we have A/C," she reminded me. so i got there shortly before six....beer in hand. i was warned of the children. and there they were... all over the place.

the game started at 6. it was decided to DVR the game until everyone could settle down and watch it. by everyone i mean: kristen and her husband... their two children. the two sets of neighbors from across the street and their three children.... kristen's mother and stepfather and me.

first you had to corral the children... and feed them. but this one didn't like this and that one wanted grandma to sit by her.... and then you had to clean up after the children.

then the children had to play... and check daddy's ear and eyes and heart with the fake medical equipment. and one had to pretend to saw off the other kids' heads with his play chainsaw... (really? play chainsaw?) which caused problems. which caused a crying fit.

and then it was bath time and wash up time... but don't forget to go back across the street to get the toothbrush and toothpaste... and they need to change into pj's.

then it's time to say good night to everyone and kiss mom and dad and grandma and grandpa. oh - and then it's story time. but not just one story... they need two stories.

and then they were finally in bed.

so shortly after 8pm... we were able to start the game.

um, yeah... the cable company decided not to play the texas game advertised on the guide...but the fucking astros game instead. so we missed the entire first half. but found the game for the second half.

but, oh wait... first we have to feed the adults.

so around 8:30....we start to watch the game...which was a blow-out by then.... so who really cared?

and i love kristen... and it was so nice of her to open her home to me. and i appreciate everything she offered and everything she gave.

but, um, yeah.... me, children and football. it don't mix.

oil and water, baby. oil and water.

in conclusion
it's been a long, crazy journey..... this past september will go down as one of the worst in recent memory. the storm was frightening. the fifteen days were trying.

and trying to get work back up and running, handling the weeks' worth of appointments missed and needing to be rescheduled....

september was a bad month.

but i look ahead to october and the rest of this year and i see some nice weather. some good plans with friends.... a trip to san francisco.

and more blogging. to paraphrase my best friends wedding: "maybe there won't be (gay) marriage... maybe there won't be sex... but, by god, there will be blogging."

and hopefully sex... but that's a different entry.

e.

Eyes Still Adjusting to Bright Internet Light

it's been a long time, my lovelies. and, unfortunately, this post will be quick.

it is day 12 of no lights for your beloved politico. luckily, i can pop on and off the internets here at work. but work beckons, so the post must be quick.

hurricane ike came roaring through houston much stronger than i ever anticipated. it's been rough going through some of it. but i'm determined to come out of the other side in one piece.

my sanity has been tested..... my brain cells are running on low. my patience and my nerves are shot to shit.

so much just doesn't make sense right now.

for example: EVERYONE around me appears to have lights...

the new building directly across the street from me never lost power... so for 12 days it's bright lights have been shining at me. mocking me.

day two....lights on the other side of the main street behind my house were on.

day three....i saw lights in the distance.

every day i hear more and more people who have regained power. but not me. not sister epiphenita and the lovely barbara. not steven.

at first i thought, perhaps, we were being punished by some non-existent god for all those potshots enita and i have enjoyed taking at her over the years.

but steven is a good, god-fearing christian. so that theory was blown to hell.

my reason (fuckin' reason) tells me it's the downed tree just a few doors down that is resting precariously on some electrical lines. plus those other lines that no longer seem connected to the poles from whence they came.

so all i can do is keep my sweaty fingers crossed and mutter to myself: "any day now. any day now."

anyway.... once i have power and internet back at the homestead, i plan a whole elaborate series entitled "hurricane horrors." ooooooh! aren't you simply intrigued?

oh... and have i mentioned that i've missed 12 days of political coverage?!? did you know that sarah palin's email was hacked? did you know she was conducting official government business via a yahoo! account. big no-no, sarah.

and this friday is the first debate! unless mccain's latest political ploy to gain votes pays off. he's suspended campaigning and asked for the debate to be postponed until we can figure out the current economic crisis.

nice of the republicans to finally join the party, ain't it? haven't the dems been screaming for something to happen for over a year?

oh....and i've missed the beginning of the fall television season.

now, i don't like to think i have an addiction to television... but goddammit... my ugly betty and grey's anatomy premier this thursday (i.e. tomorrow)! or, as i like to call it, day 13.

day 13. lucky day 13.....?

your's in misery & heat exhaustion,

e.

p.s. the chatter about the neighborhood says friday for lights. day 14 for lights... in other words: two weeks.

Steven's Non-Political, Non-Football Post

so my good friend steven has threatened me in no uncertain terms that i had better put up a blog post that doesn't involve politics before i start posting about the start of the NFL season.

so...... i couldn't think of much to blog about. i mean, i saw two butterflies fucking the other day. that was interesting.....

my brother and his wife (and my niece) are doing well and with power over in baton rouge. they lost power monday during the day and the lights came back on sometime late friday night.

of course, you wouldn't hear anything about this because new orleans wasn't really affected by hurricane gustav.

much like when i tell people i was born in illinois and they say, "oh, you're from chicago?" there is more to illinois than chicago. just as there's more to louisiana than new orleans... not that you would ever know that.

so... beyond the butterflies. and some movies i could talk about but haven't wowed me just now. i thought i'd talk about what is, possibly, the worst movie going experience in recent memory.

this tops the sunday some friends and i decided to see the dark knight and the manager didn't show up to open the ticket booth of the concession stand until well after our movie (not to mention others) had already started.

no.... this was while actually attempting to watch the movie...

we went to see brideshead revisited last night...after i had read the book not so long ago i was really looking forward to the film. i think the movie was pretty good. not great... far from great. and far from the original spirit of much of the book. it's a very loose, very abridged version of the book (i just purchased the BBC miniseries and i hear this version will not disappoint).

but i couldn't tell you exactly how good or how bad the movie is because.... i was so distracted from the most ill-mannered movie audience you can imagine.

first off... can you please arrive, if not before the previews begin, at least before the movie begins? how can anyone concentrate when people can't find seats in the dark because, oh...i dunno? THE MOVIE HAS STARTED!

but there was also three armenian or eurotrash couples that decided to sit in front of us and then divide up by gender... the three men in front of us... the three women just on the other row opposite.

the women talked the entire time. the men... one of which was wearing too much dolce & gabbana which took me unpleasantly back to an ex-lover named frederico (maybe they were italian?)... and they talked the entire time. and laughed.

dramatic climax of the movie... these motherfuckers are laughing and sharing jokes.

steven said, "SHUT UP" which one of them did.... but really....unbelievable etiquette.

but the worst... the WORST... were the two young bitches (sorry, carey) who sat on either side of us... that incessantly text-messaged throughout the entire movie.

the one directly to my left came by herself. at first, i was proud of her independence as i wanted to go to the movie that evening but not alone...it being saturday night.

but here she was... kinda groovy. very independent. well, apparently...being on her own... she truly didn't notice anyone else around her. she was flinging her purse around. flipping it open, flipping it shut. tossing around her popcorn bag and slamming down her drink.

and texting.... and texting... and texting more than anything. steven counted about 20 times before he went out to the lobby, told the person behind the bar (yes, there's a bar at this theatre) that he had better find an usher for steven "right now" because he was pissed about a texter.

the manager arrived. steven told him he had no problem pointing out the rude texter... and he did. and the manager, i guess, asked her to leave. because suddenly, she was gone.

as steven explained to the manager: "i've paid $9.50 to see this movie and she has been texting no less than 20 times... and i'd like to attempt to enjoy the last fifteen, twenty minutes of the film."

viola! gone.

i asked steven, "what about the other one?" to our right.... her face was lit up throughout the movie with the size of her texting device. steven said, "let her try it again. i'm more than happy to tell her: 'you really wanna text? because i just got that woman thrown out and i'm happy to do the same for you.'"

i'm not sure if she noticed the other woman being kicked out... if she had become drawn into the movie... or if she too were distracted by the laughing, obnoxious trash that separated us by the end of the film (because the men in front of us had decided to leave for about 20 minutes before they came back just in time to ruin the end of the film).

you know... this is an "art house" theatre where you would expect a higher calibre of movie goers. plus...it wasn't some comedy or even a dark indy comedy.... it was brideshead revisited. evelyn waugh. but there they were....

i'm constantly amazed by the lack of courtesy found at the movies... especially the smaller movie houses i tend to visit (me, the ultimate movie snob).

anyway... thanks for reading my rant.

and steven....here's your non-political, non-football post.

steer clear tomorrow.

e.

Tales from the Dark Side: Day 4

well, my lovelies. here we are. the final day of the republican national convention. i wasn’t sure we would make it… it’s been scary. some might say horrifying. but we’re almost at the end.

tonight’s theme is “peace: a safer and more secure america.” is that not an oxymoron when discussing the republican philosophy…? the only way the GOP knows how to bring about peace, apparently, is to attack sovereign nations and start illegitimate wars.

but hey…. did you hear that john mccain was a prisoner of war in vietnam?

the republican party is so set on winning elections through fear and smear tactics that they never miss a chance to scare the holy shit out of you.

just a bit ago, at 7:40pm CST, the mccain convention ran a very disturbing, very graphic “tribute” to 9/11. it included images of exploding and collapsing buildings. it talked about the dead and the “falling bodies.” it included the line: “and kill us they did.”

it was such an exploitive and disgusting display that keith olbermann came on the air without anyone else and apologized to those who had to watch it. “it was not appropriate,” he said.

but hey…the GOP clearly has no soul.

johnny boy’s favorite hillbilly
lindsay graham just came out and said, “this speech is for the troops.” and immediately went into the success of the surge. isn’t tonight about peace?

graham just mentioned being with mccain and lieberman every step of the way through their middle-east trip. yeah…but you weren’t the one whispering the correct answers in mccain’s ear. which is why you weren’t on the v.p. short list.

graham just said, “thank god for joe lieberman.” would that be the christian god or the orthodox jewish god?

“that’s john mcsame!”
former secretary of homeland security (the one before the guy that fucked up katrina), tom ridge of pennsylvania, took the stage to provide a bio for mccain. he talked about how both he and mccain stand for “the founding principles we all so deeply cherish.” accept a woman’s right to choose, right tom? you differ on that….

which is why he nor lieberman are the veep.

ridge said he and mccain became friends over 25 years ago when they were “both first elected to congress in 1982.” tom! shhhhh….. we’re trying to portray johnny boy as a DC outsider.

(sidebar: is that the sun rising or setting behind tom ridge…?)

said ridge: “it’s not about building a record. it’s about having one. it’s not about talking pretty, but talking straight.” not bad…. you’re no huckleberry, but not bad.

hmmmm….ridge talked a lot but he seemed to say very little for a biography introduction to mccain.

oh, cindy lou!
i shit you not… her name is cindy lou. apparently when john and cindy met he was 41 and she was 24. but he told her he was 38 and she told him she was 27. so they’re both natural liars. huh….. why does this not shock me?

we are informed that john and cindy are married in 1980…. but the video neglected to mention their marriage came after they both fucked around on mccain’s first wife for a time. we don’t like to focus on that… we focus on the family. (usually the second family.)

when cindy takes the stage, she is flanked by her sons…. the girls are off to the sides (you know, where they belong).

cindy said “doody.”

do you think cindy got a prime talking gig because she’s the breadwinner?

said cindy: “america is the most generous country in history.” ummm…. I dunno? great britain did give us david and victoria beckham.

once again with the realization that sarah palin is more popular than the presidential nominee, cindy confessed, “i’ve always thought it was a good idea to have a woman’s hand on that wheel, as well.” um….is that a euphemism?

you know…cindy does look a little glassy-eyed this evening. i think her pills have kicked in.

okay…after she had been standing for a bit and then sat back down, cindy asked her friend ernestine to “please stand up.” oh, yeah…the dolls are definitely playing hopscotch in cindy’s veins.

so…john’s her hero. and ernestine is her hero….. i bet her third hero is jesus…. or amelia earhart. jesus or amelia.

ladies & gentleman, i present to you: evil.
ahh…the video tribute to john mccain has begun: 9:04 CST. did you know he was a POW?

ummm…this is a very awkward video introduction with an odd attempt at humor interspersed throughout. “mamma’s boy”? really?

the video talked about a fire on a carrier where 134 men’s lives were lost. but somehow john mccain survived. “perhaps he had more to do?” yeah… i’m sure the other 134 men were just wasting space. thank god their lives were taken. god, i hated those fucking bastards.

“when you’ve lived in a box….” did you know john mccain was a POW?

9:13 CST: the crypt keeper has taken to the stage.

wow… mccain only has to take the stage for a chant of “U.S.A.” to begin. that’s power! POWER!

9:15 CST: mccain accepts the nomination “with gratitude, humility and confidence.” do those last two adjectives not contradict each other?

“i’m grateful to the president of the united states for leading us in these dark days following the attacks…” then the crowd broke in. wow! did mccain just acknowledge george w. bush? i thought we were running from him.

okay…mccain has been on stage for 4 minutes and we’ve had three chants of “U.S.A.”

you know what really bugs the shit out of me about john mccain? he has that same shit-eating grin that bush has…. i fucking hate that grin.

mccain did a little declaration of independence quoting…. gave some minor props to the obama camp. but declares “we’re gonna win this election.”

john mccain started to say, “i know these are tough times for many of you…” and then the crowd broke into boos and started chanting “U.S.A.” as if all these white, rich people can negate the real suffering going on in this country just by chanting “U.S.A.”

if mccain doesn’t appear out of touch, his party just showed how out of touch they are with the every day people in this country.

fuck all of you…. that makes me embarrassed of this country. i’m sorry we can’t all be rich and white and straight.

mccain just said, sarah palin has “worked with her hands and her nose... she knows.” or was it “she’s worked with her hands and her knows…she knows”? was it a mistake or is she a miracle worker with her nasal passages?

“sarah palin: she’ll snort your problems away.”

9:30 CST and i’m still waiting for some substance.

“i understand who i work for. i don’t work for a party. i don’t work for a special interest. i don’t work for myself. i work for you.” nice line, senator. what else ya got?

john mccain is going into a laundry list of reasons why he fights…. i thought tonight was about peace? can’t the republican party give peace a chance even for 50 minutes?

reagan, reagan, reagan…. you know, during this entire convention there has been so much talk of ronald reagan, i'm really surprised the republican party didn't save reagan's cock so that everyone in the party could continue to suck it throughout the years.

okay…. mccain is finally comparing and contrasting his policies with obama’s policies. of course, he’s lying… but hey…. he’s attempting substance.

mccain wants to bring competition into schools? as if teachers don’t have it hard enough…. “when a public school fails to meet its obligations to its students, parents deserve the right to choose a better education for their children.”

ummm….. it might help if a republican administration would actually fully fund education.

"we’re gonna stop sending 700 billion dollars a year to countries that don’t like us very much….” does that include iraq? or will we continue to fund and rebuild iraq? you know…. since we bombed the shit out of it and destroyed its working infrastructure.

drill, drill, drill……

ganesha help me, this man bores the shit out of me.

john mccain said he’ll improve relations with russia. it probably helps that sarah palin lives right next door and therefore is a russian expert. (right, fox news?)

“i know how the world works. i know the good and evil in it. i know how to work with leaders who share our dreams of a freer, safer and more prosperous world. and how to stand up to those who don’t.”

he probably looks into putin’s eyes and sees his soul….

hey! did you know john mccain was a POW?

there sure is a lot of talk of war and terror and standing up to “evil” for an evening devoted to peace. but why quibble?

“in america, we change things that need to be changed,” said mccain. yeah…like republicans controlling the executive branch.

“i was blessed by misfortune.” he was a POW, you know….

POW, POW, POW…..

yeah….i’m drifting. i think i’ll complete my quick hits and move on to my final thoughts. from here until the end of his speech…it’s all POW.

i’ve already heard it. and heard it. and heard it….

quick hits
--did you know that palin used a bush speechwriter for her big night? just putting that out there (she’s such an outsider).
--the alaska delegates are wearing hardhats that read: “drill now. drill here.” if only we could drill into their heads. i also see others holding t-shirts that say “drill baby, drill!”
--kissinger’s in the house.
--7:36 CST: i’m partaking of the picture in picture option so that i can track actions at the RNC and watch the giants kick the redskins’ ass. (thank vishnu! football is back!) so during halftime, i’m watching brian williams talk with tom brokaw and chuck todd at the RNC. but just down to the right, in the corner, i see keith olbermann talking with tom brokaw and chucky-T on msnbc. did i just stumble upon parallel universes?
--i keep hearing that the media is attacking palin on whether or not she can be both a mother to five and the vice president of the united states? ummm….could someone please tell me who is saying this? i haven’t heard this anywhere…
--8:08 CST: just under three minutes in the third quarter. washington 7, new york 16.
--have you heard that sarah palin is a reformer? she supported the bridge to nowhere before she didn’t.
--oh…and she’s a hockey mom and a member of the PTA. i sense vladimir putin shaking in his boots.
--8:25 CST: the crowd begins a chant of “U.S.A.” seems late tonight.
--oh jesus! there’s nothing funnier than a large crowd of rhythmically-challenged white people trying to chant “that’s john mccain” in unison.
--8:36 CST: mccain is in the hizzouse.
--final score: washington 7, new york 16. go eli.
--just FYI: there has not been a single mention of afghanistan in all four days of the republican national convention. you remember afghanistan, right?
--last night i forgot to mention that rudy giuliani added leading a military platoon to the list of executive experience. so…there’s the argument for mccain’s executive experience. so when they go after obama and biden for no experience in that arena, it doesn’t also apply to john mccain (at least, not in their tiny brains).
--there are some disturbing hats out in that convention crowd.
--andrea mitchell is under attack by balloons! andrea! andrea!

final thoughts
tonight was a much weaker night for the GOP than last night… last night was full of fiery rhetoric and tremendous speeches. palin blew the roof of the xcel center. (did i mention the GOP convention is being held in the xcel ENERGY center?)

the mccains, neither cindy nor john, are strong speakers. tonight was lacking the red meat and even the specifics of last night’s attacks.

last night the speakers really went after the democrats and obama and really drew clear distinctions. tonight….mccain offered no specifics. except on his time as a POW.

i know he wants to build his entire campaign around those 5 1/2 years…. but he needs to start offering something more. and mocking obama by saying he feels “anointed” will also not garner any new voters.

mccain just said he’d fight for his country until he draws his last breath. considering palin’s lack of experience….let’s hope that’s not any time soon should mccain become president.

i realize i’m so far left i’m practically pink…. but tonight simply did not impress me. the vast majority of the convention did not impress me. only last night made the GOP look like they had a fighting chance.

looks like picking palin is the smartest choice mccain could’ve made. she excites people so much more than him.

oh, hell. mccain just ended his speech with a call to stand up and fight and make a difference. “stand up! stand up! stand up and fight!” god…his pinched, penguin voice makes him sound like a member of the lollipop guild.

and on that note….. blah.

obama/biden 08!

e.

Tales from the Dark Side: Day 3

governor palin stormed into the republican national convention this evening lead by three polar bears she hopes to grind into hamburger meat once she successfully takes them off the endangered species list.

umm, ya know, it's funny.... words spoken by my friend, the brilliant sister epiphenita of the interrupted internet, have recycled themselves over and over again in my head all day today:

don't you think that demonizing all republicans, straights, suburbanites, etc. is ultimately sloppy, oversimplistic logic that prevents us from moving forward?

and i said that i do.... but goddammit. i can't listen to all of this republican bullshit without making fun of it. i hope that at the base of my demonization and smart-ass remarks lay a logic that debunks the GOP philosophy. my interest, more than anything during the convention, is to point out the hypocrisy of the republican party.

and...hopefully....make people laugh.

so back to miss moose stew 1984.... nbc nightly news had an interesting segment on governor palin's time as mayor of wasilla, alaska. wasilla is a town of 7,000 people, which is half the population of chippewa falls, wisconsin and half the size of the dallas/fort worth airport.

on october 23, 2006, the anchorage daily news quoted palin as explaining her job as mayor thus: "it's not rocket science. it's $6 million and 53 employees."

and, um....that's experience? enough executive experience to take over as president of the united states should mccain drop dead?

also...on an aside: government spending and dept grew while palin was mayor and she asked the librarian how they could get rid of "offensive books" in the wasilla library. oh - and her greatest accomplishment, the wasilla sports complex, is still running in the red.

so.... i find it interesting that people like former senator john danforth, when asked about palin vs. biden, has the nerve to answer, "if you want a washington insider, if you believe that the heart and the soul and the brains of washington are located in washington d.c., biden is a terrific choice. on the other hand, if you think washington is more of a problem than a solution...palin."

ummmm....are you not arguing, in that same sentence, against senator john mccain who has been a washington insider since the early 80's?

danforth went on to say that if being a d.c. outsider disqualified you from being president, it would've disqualified presidents carter and clinton. no mention by senator danforth that it would have also disqualified presidents reagan and george w. bush.

but you know...why stop the hypocrisy at this point?

the string of losers
starting at 8pm CST, the mccain camp began the parade of the GOP presidential losers. first up, ole flip-flop mitt.

romney began speaking down about the "eastern elite." correct me if i'm wrong, but wasn't he the governor of massachusetts?

anyway.... he gave a lot of red meat. really attacked the liberals and obama, in particular. but also continued the dialogue of the evil, liberal media. oh...and he tried to scare the shit out of people.

mike huckleberry took the stage at 8:26. not one to throw stones...but huckabee has put back on some pounds since losing the nomination.... and he's just as quirky chunky as he was thin. oops....there is was: 8:27..."the elite media." i'm sensing a theme....

"the presidency is not a symbolic job," said huck in response to obama's historic nomination as president. a good line....

i will say one thing about huckleberry hound.... he's charming, he's funny...and he's a great speaker. he got a lot of good lines in. "i'm not a republican because i grew up rich. i'm a republican because i didn't want to spend the rest of my life poor, waiting for the government to rescue me." i hate that line of argument, but it got the crowd on their feet and it's the shit the GOP eat up.

pro-life, pro-life, pro-life.

"she got more votes running for the mayor of wasilla than joe biden got running for the president of the united states." these are the type of zingers that made huckabee very popular during the primary season.

what? huckabee just mentioned something about mccain being a prisoner of war during vietnam? is that true? has anyone else heard this....?

you could choke on the cheesy, patriotism at the RNC, my hand to vishnu!

(shit....somehow i just lost several passages that i had written covering giuliani's speech and sarah palin's speech. i was live-blogging so i have no notes to return to. i shall give some memories of the speeches for you.)

rudy "i spent more time at ground zero than the firefighters" giuliani gave a powerful speech. he really hit hard against the dems. and ole lispy mcgee really went after obama in particular.

said giuliani of obama's time in the illinois legislature: "nearly 130 times, he couldn't make a decision. he couldn't figure out whether to vote "yes" or "no." it was too tough. he voted -- he voted present." rudy went on to say that it's not enough just to be present as a president.

well, no shit.... bush has been present (if not mentally) for the past eight years and look how badly he fucked up this country.

then there was something about terror, terror, terror... 9/11, 9/11.

oh...and apparently there is something to this mccain POW story. because rudy talked about it too.

i remember i wrote: "i think my head may explode if i have to listen to any more of this idiocy. must..... fight..... urge..... to...drink."

and then i said i'd stop blogging until the main event but once again stressed that giuliani gave a great speech with lots of read meat and powerful attacks against the obama/biden ticket.... and that he got the crowd pumped up and on their feet.

ladies & gentlemen: sarah barracuda
i started off by remarking on this historical moment. for the first time in history... the GOP has placed a woman on the top of their ticket. not at the very top... but at the top. and at 9:03 CST...palin accepted the nomination and made history.

she is charming. she is beautiful... she gave a great speech. and she too hit hard against the dems and obama.

of course, she talks like she belong in a john ford western.

she was very smart to talk directly to parents of "special needs" children and make them a promise. that'll speak to a lot of those independent, suburban moms.

palin's line of the evening will be: "i guess a small-town mayor is sort of like a "community organizer," except that you have actual responsibilities."

she attacked obama for saying one thing to people in scranton but something else to those in san francisco (please note the rust belt to fag central).

she hit hard at the media and the elite: "i've learned quickly, these past few days, that if you're not a member in good standing of the washington elite, then some in the media consider a candidate unqualified for that reason alone."

everyone tonight has really hit hard against the media and the "liberal elite of the east." when in doubt, and when a republican, blame the "liberal media."

"the difference between a hockey mom and a pitbull? lipstick." she's very charming.

she gave a great speech and she's very winning. beautiful, witty.... she has the GOP more energized than mccain.

she did a great job tonight. i wish i had everything else i had written.

quick hits
--why did mitt romney look like he was on the brink of tears throughout his entire speech?
--8:15 CST: first chant of "U.S.A." that i heard. this after romney started playing the "scare the shit out of americans" game.
--8:21 CST: msnbc found a black man in the audience.
--earlier in the evening, dr. elena rios (president/ceo of the national hispanic medical association) spoke about america "becoming more diverse" and said "by 2042, people of color will be the emerging majority. 1 out of 3 americans will be hispanic." she went on to say "this is truly something to celebrate." well, um, i didn't hear a single cheer or any applause erupt from the sea of white republicans while she spoke. so...maybe they don't see it as a reason to celebrate....?
--"tackier than a costume change at a madonna concert." um, nice try huck. but not very funny. then again, i am gay and madonna is my god. praise madonna!
--olbermann on hand to correct hucakabee: the republican party was founded in 1854 by disgruntled members of the whig party... lincoln would join later and run in 1860. as far as palin winning more votes than biden: biden won 15,000 votes in florida and 18,000 votes in california. (quick math: wasilla has a population of 7,000 so even if she won every vote (even those not old enough to vote) in TWO elections, that's only 14,000 votes....). thanks, keith!
--once again, you hear all this talk about the importance of palin's executive experience. mccain has NO executive experience.
--this is the point where i lost all my quick hits. so i'll write what i remember.
--cindy mccain turned in her gold-plated dress for a money-green dress.
--why is bristol palin always holding the baby? and thank ganesha her redneck, hillbilly boyfriend got a decent haircut.
--giuliani garnered a chant of "U.S.A." during his speech.
--i don't know where they got the names for their children, but those palin kids have some funky names.
--the mention of the palin son going to iraq got a "U.S.A." chant. and we wonder why the world considers us arrogant.
--i wonder how many votes the camera shot of little piper palin holding the newest palin garnered?
--palin's gay husband looks very proud of her.
--my friend carey is so annoyed by all the republicans talking about how proud they are that bristol palin has chosen to keep her baby (even though she is not married). says carey: "EXACTLY! it's a CHOICE!." sorry, carey. i just don't think the GOP is gonna get it.
--did you know that john mccain was a POW during the vietnam war? it's true.... oh, and he appeared on stage at the end.

final thoughts
well, i'm really pissed i lost most of this post. i had some good shit in here, if i do say so myself.

it was a strong night for the GOP. a lot of red meat. a lot of very pointed attacks. the losing candidates gave splendid speeches. in particular, huckleberry was very charming and giuliani was very strong.

sarah palin gave a great speech.... and it's a historic moment having the first woman on the ballot for the first time since 1984. but i want to reiterate: she is the wrong woman.

to all my female readers, allow me to take this opportunity to remind you that sarah palin is an evangelical christian that does not believe in a woman's right to choose. to my gay readers...she does not believe in gay marriage or civil unions.

to everyone: governor sarah palin is, possibly, even more conservative than john mccain.

she is the anti-hillary.... be smart, please. don't go there.

protect your rights.

obama/biden 08!

e.

Tales from the Dark Side: Day 2

i've been listening to some of the tales from the crypt this evening and it's fascinating to me that everyone wants to talk more about governor sarah palin of the alaska independence party than john mccain of the republican party. it appears most delegates are less enthusiastic about john mccain's nomination for president of the united states than they are determined to ensure that this year's republican national platform is more conservative than both 2004 and 2000.

amazing.....

so, anyway. did you know that john mccain was a prisoner of war for about five years back during the vietnam war?

well, if you didn't... you will after tonight. the theme of the republican national convention this evening is "john mccain: the person he is." i wonder two things:

1. would it have been "the man he is" if palin wasn't his vice presidential choice? and...

2. when constructing a theme, do you really want it to end with the verb? like yoda, it sounds.

so i am live-blogging a bit tonight because i just can't justify staying up too late for the GOP. and laura bush is currently on stage (around 8:45pm CST) to introduce her husband... interesting tidbit: this is the first time since 1968 a sitting president has not addressed his party's convention at the actual convention.

yes, george w. bush...who has a popularity rating around 30%...is addressing the RNC from washington. they're using the gustav excuse...but let's be honest: he could've been there if they wanted him.

after all...he flew from austin today. could've stopped by. also...he's talking before the live coverage on all the networks that begin at 9 CST.

wow... laura is really trying to make george's presidency sound like something. thank vishnu we know better.

george of the bungle
oh, here's george via satellite. blaming gustav for being disinvited from the convention. "i'm overseeing things" from washington. blah, blah, blah... why not stay in austin - where you were closer? aren't you flying back down to louisiana tomorrow?

just more gas revenue for your friends, i guess.

breaking news: it turns out john mccain was a prisoner of war during vietnam.

hmmm....lots of talk of protecting human life by the president. just not innocent iraqis, i guess.

"the man we need is john mccain." ummm.... speak for yourself, george. "judgment. experience." blah, blah, blah....

i'm telling you... there is far more applause and enthusiasm for palin than mccain.

okay...9:00 CST: the major networks are replaying the bush address.

d.a. arthur branch
former senator fred thompson mentioned the gulf coast straight off.

"what a breath of fresh air governor sarah palin is," said thompson. what is it with republicans ending their sentences with verbs?

holy ganesha... he's really letting the left and the media have it: "governor palin has the other side and their friends in the media in a state of panic." great line.

well, fred is definitely giving the crowd some red meat. and it appears ole pick-up truck thompson is delivering the bush biography. hahaha... i just wrote "bush biography." sorry...freudian slip. the mccain biography.

thompson just broke some news: mccain was a POW during the vietnam war. in case you hadn't heard.

blah, blah, blah... the end.

the republican in democrat's clothing
joe "the traitor" lieberman just took the stage. "thank you, dear friends"?? they're republicans, you asshole!

"what's a democrat like me doing at a convention like this?" umm...because you're an asshole, you traitor! "country matters more than party." right... so how 'bout electing the party that'll take care of the country! YOU PRICK!

just look at the smugness on his face pictured at the top of this post. i hate him so much.....

jesus... lieberman is one fucking, boring old white man.

"god only made one john mccain...and he is his own man." thank vishnu to the first part! and lieberman tried to deliver that last part like he was john wayne.

i still can't believe that mccain really wanted lieberman as his veep. up until two sundays ago....lieberman was his pick. but when some testing showed that the base would revolt and there would've been a floor fight at the RNC over the vice presidential nominee... he scrambled and went for palin. and, clearly, didn't vet her enough.

lieberman... the republican vice presidential choice. man... i would've LOVED to have seen that floor fight.

man, he's boring. crap....i'm live and i can't fast forward.

i think i'll move on to the.....

quick hits
--in the house: cindy mccain, mama mccain, bush 41, babs bush.
--there's some GOP bitch (sorry, carey - but there's no other word) in attendance that has a big, home-made "i support single moms" button on her big-ass, ugly hat. ummm..... really? does that include the single black mothers in NOLA? if bristol palin had to collect her welfare check and food stamps because....at 17....she can't afford to raise her baby on her own.... you're okay with that? you fucking hypocrite!
--a pennsylvania congressman said bush was still in texas taking care of the business of the hurricane...so he understood why he couldn't be there tonight. ummm....no, bush is in DC. mccain just didn't want #42 at 31% in st. paul.
--is anyone else thrilled that harry & louise are back on the airwaves? and this time they're fighting on the good side of health care...
--7:20 CST: CNN cameras just found the one black man at the convention.
--wow...that "stars and stripes essay winner" was really cheesy. gag!
--the key word for describing sarah palin is "reformer." reformer.
--the tribute to bush 41 was very short.
--the tribute to reagan... not that long either.
--8:41 CST: the first chant of "U.S.A." i caught... but there were several more to follow... plus the chant of "country first."
--it would appear that white republicans actually dance worse than white democrats. who knew it was even possible.
--lots of arguments that palin is more qualified to be president than obama because she's been a mayor and a governor and commander of the alaska national guard. using that logic... she's more qualified than mccain... who also has NO executive experience. so...should she top the GOP ticket? ya fuckin' hypocrites!

final thoughts
i'm tired. the republican suck. mccain is full of shit.

obama/biden 08!

e.