Friday, November 30, 2007

Keep An Eye On...

rochester, new hampshire.

a lone man, described as forty-something with salt and pepper hair, has taken a hillary clinton campaign headquarters hostage in rochester.

this is breaking news and little information is available.

he entered the building, told staff he had a bomb strapped to himself and ordered everyone to get down on the floor.

a woman and a child have been released. two known staffers remain inside.

clinton has canceled her speaking engagement at the dnc today... she is in washington, not rochester.

the hostage taker has demanded to speak with hillary.

more to come.......


Tuesday, November 27, 2007

The Coffee Is Life

for a couple of weeks now every time i popped into a starbucks to order my grande non-fat, no-whip mocha, i was presented with the same refrain:

"would you like to make it a peppermint mocha?"

i would kindly reply, "not until after thanksgiving, thank you."

call me a traditionalist, i don't care.... but the peppermint mocha should not be broken out until after thanksgiving.

of course, this speaks to the larger problem of our commercialism-obsessed society. i think christmas decorations come out in stores now after the fourth of july, yes?

well...i know they're out by halloween.

now, the birth of the baby jesus doesn't give me a warm fuzzy inside. not a believer... i prefer my santa claus and frosty the snowman.

give me burl ives over 'away in a manger' anyday.

but the peppermint mocha comes after the slaughter of the innocents (i.e. thanksgiving).

this morning came after thanksgiving.

"can i get a grande, non-fat, no-whip, peppermint mocha, please?"


the season begins.


Monday, November 26, 2007

Post Thanksgiving Thoughts

fifteen years ago i gave up meat. cold turkey, so to speak. i was a freshman in college and the first time i went home after becoming vegetarian was the thanksgiving holiday.

my mom was very cute. assuring me that turkey was not bad for me and that a little bit wouldn't hurt me. fifteen years later, i still have not had turkey. luckily, my mom now understands and doesn't push.

having said all of this, i think i can easily say, thanksgiving is not one of my favorite holidays.

but this weekend was one of the best thanksgiving holidays i've had in some time.

did everything go perfectly? no... texas lost to the aggies, to begin with.
but i had so much fun that i look forward to attempting the same holiday next year and maybe, just maybe, finding a way to enjoy the annual death day for turkeys.

the family
my younger brother and his wife drove in wednesday night. the temps in houston dropped quickly that night and provided a fabulously chilly thanksgiving. my brother, unfortunately, hit the cold front as it made it's way down i-10 into louisiana. his drive was not fun.

i spent the evening finishing the cleaning of the house and baking a beautiful, double-crust apple pie. i also made my mother's celery and sage dressing.

thanksgiving day...i cooked. roasted garlic and potato soup with smoked gouda grilled cheese sandwiches for lunch. my friend sally joined us and we watched the packers go 10-1 for the first time in franchise history.

that evening... my brother and his wife made some turkey concoction for the omnivores. i had the dressing, garlic mashed potatoes, an uber-yummy corn casserole and some cranberry sauce and dinner rolls. unlike last year, the dinner went off on time and without a hitch.

we cracked open the chardonnay from the wisconsin winery and had a very nice dinner. classical music playing... a slow dinner. the four of us got along so well... laughed, talked. the wine was very tasty. it was...a perfect dinner.

that night we had the pumpkin pie i made that morning and went to bed full and happy.

black friday
not because of shopping... there's no way in hell you'd catch me out shopping the day after thanksgiving... but it was not a good day for college ball in my apartment.

my older brother and his wife joined us with their dog, sadie. not only were they both in burnt orange to show their support of the 'horns... but sadie is a natural burnt orange.

the younger brother's wife is an lsu alum. ummmmm...lsu blew it this weekend. i've said all year that lsu has been some lucky motherfuckers. well, their luck ran out in the fourth overtime. not a fun day for kelly#2 (both brothers married kellys. i'm on the look out for a male kelly, just fyi).

then the texas game... my younger brother graduated from UT. the rest of the family merely supports. for me - it's mainly an anti-a&m thing.

well...the overrated texas team also collapsed. there was not enough beer for my older, married siblings... the younger brother drowned himself in his chocolate pecan pie.

which he was making for...

the first annual pie off!
mmmmm........ pie.

13 people. six pies. a lot of alcohol.

it was a delicious evening... coffee. hot chocolate. a very tasty riesling from the wisconsin winery.

side note: i normally hate riesling... but this was delicious. i made everyone try it.

the pies broke down like this: two double crust apple pies. a chocolate pecan pie. a pumpkin pecan pie. a chocolate silk. a blueberry cream.

the judges were the individuals that did not bake.... 3rd place was the chocolate silk. very yummy. congrats. 2nd place: the blueberry pie. i hate to disparage a pie...but the crust was bought. that's all i'm saying. first place... don't get all excited. it was the fucking chocolate pecan. as my friend enita said: adding chocolate to anything simply speaks to our basest natures. double crust apple pies take talent.

i think we canceled each other out.

at least everyone really enjoyed the evening. they all thought it was a great idea and it was all well-executed. i couldn't have been more pleased.

well...unless my pie had won.

my older brother and his kelly left early saturday afternoon. they had to get back out to her parents' house and had dinner plans that evening.

before my younger brother left, he saved my life. not only did he give me his old laptop that i'm writing on right now (i fucking love this thing), but he also worked on my old computer that crashed a couple of months ago.

that computer had my life on it.... everything i had ever written. all my new play ideas. the start of my new full-length play.

and no...i've never been smart enough to back up.

he saved it all. my computer still needs help...but i got all of my writing back. safe and sound on this laptop and a backup cd.

i swear to you...i could've cried. and i'm not a cryer.

i mean.... put terms of endearment or carrington in the dvd player.... i lose it. but in real life, i tend to fight it.

then another odd thing happened. younger brother and kelly#2 left mid-afternoon. when i hugged them good-bye..... i nearly cried.
i fought back the tears.

isn't 34 too early for menopause? why so emotional? i'm terribly confused by it all.

but as i was one of the best thanksgiving holidays i've had in a long time. everything just went beautifully. no stress. no tension.

just a wonderful time had by all.

sunday i put up my christmas tree and began decking the halls. talked to my friend jason for nearly an hour after not speaking to him in months (except the odd email).

the entire four days were emotional, satisfying. a little unsettling.

to quote my favorite thanksgiving movie, home for the holidays: "i can't wait for goddamn christmas."

happy holidays.


Monday, November 19, 2007

Notes From All Over: Political Edition

i know, my lovelies... i've been neglectful.

but work has appeared to slow down and i've caught up on my press watching and i've had a chance to compile all of my political thoughts from the last couple of weeks.

when last we visited our heroine, senator clinton was coming off a sub-par performance in the philadelphia debate.

where do things stand now?

latest polls
hillary has slipped in the polls. no question. she saw an immediate slide after the philly debate and obama has finally shown some movement.

the latest kcci8 poll (november 12-14) shows the iowa race with hillary still in the lead at 27% but obama only two points behind at 25%. edwards is still showing strong at 21%.

for the first time, however, obama does lead in an iowa poll. a new abc/washington post poll of iowa voters has obama at 30%. hillary is four points behind at 26% and edwards is four points behind her at 22%. the poll has a +/- of 4.5 points. a statistical dead heat.

interesting thing about iowa, however. it's just about impossible to know who will win. polling is pointless, almost, because you never know who will show up at the caucus meetings. is it snowing that night? does someone have to stay home and watch the kids?

and time after time i hear pundits tell me most iowans do not make up their minds until they step into the high school gym.

but...obama's movement is troubling. trends mean something... and hill's team is obviously nervous. more national members of her campaign are arriving in iowa every day.

this could get interesting.

my new wet dream site
i've been meaning to look for a month or more... i finally did.

seriously...check this out. you can track national polls and state polls... all the major races. who's ahead in iowa? check it out. florida? take a look....

it shows trends... it provides links to interesting articles.

see for yourself... i can't get enough.

jefferson jackson day dinner
have you seen clips from obama's speech this past saturday night? it reminds me of the greatness he displayed at the 2004 democratic national convention.

if he could perform like this at a debate.... he'd be ahead in all the polls.

speaking o' the debate - or - knock out in vegas
as one member of the press put it: the bitch is back.

hillary delivered a stellar performance at the cnn las vegas debate last thursday night. she was strong and fought back when attacked.

roger simon of politico wrote: "she gave as good as she got. and those who tried to kick her stubbed their toes."

john dickerson of slate said: "well, that was a short death spiral." and went on to say: "clinton ran no risk of looking weak by talking about her gender, because she was kneeing her opponents in the groin."

when asked about playing the gender card, hillary had - perhaps - the best answer of the night: "i'm not playing the gender card, i'm trying to play the winning card." she went on to say, "they're not attacking me because i'm a woman. they're attacking me because i'm ahead."

huge applause... and the rest of the night just went her way.

edwards and obama tried to consistently attack hillary. but every time they swung, she hit right back.

after obama first attacked hillary she hammered back about his health care plan and how it wouldn't cover the populations of nevada, iowa, new hampshire and south carolina (i wonder why she picked those states?). obama loomed at first - then backed off. he can't look at her when she attacks, but she can look at him.

and an interesting thing happened about an hour into the debate - after a lot of the attacks had stopped - edwards tried to use his canned attack on hillary about lobbyist money. he was actually booed. obama was booed at one point, as well, when he tried to compare her to romney and giuliani.

i think this really frazzled them both and i'm not sure they recovered.

body language
once again...i just think hillary has the best body language. she is always engaged. always listening. others are scribbling down notes, shifting. but she's always listening and looking directly at the speaker.

when obama tried to defend his potential tax hike to help social security, he twice said "tax break." hillary came back and corrected him: "i think you mean tax increase, because that's what it would be." she listens.

after edwards gave his first attack - never looking at hillary but hillary looking directly at him - she delivered a great line about accepting "attacks on my record, on issues." but accused edwards of "slinging mud." you could tell it stung edwards... just the look on his face.

and there's a great camera angle from edwards at the edge of the stage to hillary delivering the line. in between them stood obama and dodd. as soon as she said "slinging mud" they both turned away from her and looked down. they didn't want any part of it.

smart move, boys.

driver's license stumble...again.
but fear not...this time it was obama. it was amazing how well he fucked up his response. all three responses he gave. the audience actually laughed at him twice....

byron york of the national review (yes, a republican) said, "obama's mistake was absolutely mystifying. a democratic strategist just said to me it's almost as if he had read her [clinton's] answer from the previous debate and thought it was the right thing to say."

amazing... surely somebody had prepped him for that question, yes?

okay...i could go on and on so let's skip to my quick hits from the debate:
  • what was with all the pre-debate analysis during the beginning of the debate time? how many hours did cnn have beforehand? oh - that's right. 24 hours.
  • edwards first statement of the debate was: "nobody on this stage is perfect." john, give it up.
  • enough with the canned answers! richardson's first answer was so canned it was pathetic. and edwards' "is that a planted question" remark was so out of place it just fell flat. there was no laughter.
  • the first question to biden was 10 minutes in. he was the first candidate besides obama, clinton and edwards to speak.
  • 20 minutes in kucinich got a sentence into the conversation...but still no direct question.
  • 28 minutes in - the first question went directly to dodd.
  • 30 minutes in, wolf blitzer piggy-backed a question on unions to kucinich.
  • 50 minutes in, kucinich is asked the first question initially directed specifically to him.
  • john roberts asks some really good questions. maybe he should moderate a debate on his own?
  • dodd gave a great response on teacher "merit pay."
  • happy birthday, governor richardson. when you blew out your candles, i hope you wished for better stage presence.
  • i still don't think obama should be allowed to make any comments on the iran vote when he didn't even bother to show up (and he gave such a weak answer to why he wasn't there. "umm... i was running for president." yeah - so are clinton, dodd and biden.)
  • kucinich has it out for edwards. he nailed him all night long.
  • richardson shut down kucinich light an annoying gnat when he told him to stop lumping him in with the other candidates. he's not in congress, he reminded dennis.
  • kucinich was really angry this debate. came across more bizarre than usual.
  • chris dodd has tiny feet.
  • biden mentioned potential impeachment of bush if he invades iran.
  • an hour and half in, kucinich mentioned impeachment.
  • apparently obama watches nbc nightly news and saw brokaw's interview with warren buffett.
  • the audience portion of the debate really dragged. lose it.
  • dodd said "here" 25 times. i doubt he got 25 minutes worth of air time.

meet the press quote of the week (a catch up)

sunday, november 4th.
fred thompson was the guest for most of the hour. i liked him so much more in the hunt for red october and in the line of duty. it's great when he's playing an asshole... not just being one.

since ole pick-up truck fred is such a defender of the bush administration and the war in iraq, i found it particularly interesting when he said:

i don't think we should be armchair generals...when we have people on the ground who apparently now know what they're doing.
so...since the war began...we just now have people on the ground that know what the fuck they're doing? it's nice to know we many years with dumbfucks running the show?

p.s. thompson has a very machiavellian view on foreign policy. he'd definitely rather be feared than respected.

sunday, november 11th
senator barack obama was tim's guest for the entire hour.

i think obama did well... but he certainly demonstrated that he can parse an answer just as well as the next politician. especially in his discussion of "precondition" vs. "preparation."

i found it interesting that he has the balls to say he can take lobbyist money and we should just all assume he can fight against the influence. why you and nobody else, sir?

i really wanted to make his quote of the week "i do not believe being gay or lesbian is a choice" because it's reassuring to know that even though he doesn't think us fags deserve equal marriage rights (only civil unions), at least he doesn't think we're all choosing to be this way. hmmm... then why do we not deserve equal rights "in god's eyes"?

but i loved his long summation of his campaign:

i have admiration for senator clinton. i think she's a fine public servant. the reason i'm running is because i think we're at a unique moment in history right now. the nation's at war, our planet is in peril. we've got a series of decisions that we're gonna have to make and i believe i can more effectively, than any other candidate in this race, bring the country together, overcome some of the same old arguments we've been having since the 1990's and that i can reach out to the republicans and independents more effectively...

i think he could have gone on for another ten minutes if russert hadn't interrupted him.

sunday, november 18th
just a quick interesting note from chuck todd about the debate and some interesting internal numbers concerning iowa polling.

i think the obama folks know they had a bad night. the edwards folks had a really bad night. and this is just one night, but if he starts fading too quickly...that's actually not good for clinton. the quicker this is a two person race, the better for obama.

apparently when asked about who their second choice might be...obama and edwards fare much better. if you're not voting for clinton first, you're probably not voting for her at all. so if edwards begins to fade greatly, the majority of voters will probably defect from him to obama. and in a tight race.... that's no so good for my hill.

but my quote of the week goes to ron brownstein of the national journal, who provided this nugget:
not a leaf will fall in the forest between now and iowa and new hampshire without obama and edwards looking for a way to make this into a contrast with hillary clinton because that is ultimately what you have to do against a frontrunner.
only 45 days until iowa.... anything can happen.


Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Notes From All Over: Non-Political Edition

have you ever had one of those weeks.....?

jesus, i feel like i've had the shit kicked out of me and then smeared all over my naked, bloated body by evangelical harpies.

it all started this past thursday... actually, let me begin by presenting a touch of personal information on me...your beloved narrator.

i work at a non-profit. the specifics are not important but i will say that i work with lower-income, hiv+ individuals. the clients have very little most the time. the stage of the disease varies greatly.

this past appointment ran late on a individual with a particularly bad case of an hiv-related illness. not only did the appointment keep much of the staff there late.... her transportation did not arrive until 6:30 that evening. i was the lucky person that got to stay. thank you, exempt-status!

i knew it was only the start of bad things to come.

fuck me, it's friday
friday was a motherfucker. plain and simple. i'm sure everyone has been reading about the outbreak of methicillin-resistant staphylococcus aureus, more commonly known as the drug-resistant staph infection, MRSA.

this is apparently running rampant in the medical facilities that treat high numbers of lower-income individuals. we can probably have an entire discussion on why this is more prevalent in facilities of this kind rather than those that gear themselves towards the wealthy.

but let's focus on me.

i'll be goddamned if one of my staff members didn't turn up with a swollen face friday morning that was diagnosed (85% certain) as MRSA later that afternoon.

well, we shut the clinic down and disinfected everything...wiping down every surface, doorknob, light switch and motherfuckin' pen.

my staff was freaked. i had to xerox timesheets so i could dispose of the "possibly-infected" timesheets that everyone had been using. individuals in other programs were freaked. friends i've seen over the past couple of days were freaked.

people! calm down and wash your hands! you'll be okay.....

it was a surreal afternoon that had me scrambling to not only allay the fears of my staff but ensure that this would not be a future problem.

we're pretty sure we've narrowed down how it happened...especially after a patient the staff member had seen last week appeared at our clinic again with a swollen face monday morning.

let's stay with monday
the majority of individuals that access services at our organization are fabulous people. but you get the occasional nut job.

i don't know if it's the medications or the anger towards the disease or the fact that there are simply people who are assholes out there... but from time to time... i'm paid to deal with them.

mind you...i have a request for proposal due to my development department by thursday, i have two simultaneous audits i have to prepare for that begin on tuesday, i'm still short a staff member and i'm still attempting to find time to train a new staff person at my very busy front desk.

but then we receive this voice message monday morning:

you can tell those stupid cunts [details removed to protect the innocent]... filthy, little wetbacks. they all need to go back to hell where they’re all living. and those sorry-ass preachers… wait till I make an appearance there in church next sunday. make those motherfuckers get down on the floor like dogs in heat.
yeah...he's a lovely man. the aforementioned new front desk person accidentally forwarded the message not to the intended recipient, but to the entire program. sufficed to say... we had some upset individuals on our hands.

there was upset staff to calm. pictures of the redneck bastard to pass around to make staff aware should he appear on campus. police reports... oh - and did i mention i had someone coming at 8 the next morning to audit 200 charts that i hadn't pulled yet?

but let's back up for a moment? where does that type of hate come from? i briefly dated this guy once...and by "dated" i mean screwed around with... that had this lovely sunflower tattoo on his shoulder. it was at that point he showed me the outline of the swastika he had attempted to cover up with the sunflower. beyond the utter horror my mother would have felt over me being in bed with a former skinhead... i couldn't imagine carrying on with someone that could ever feel that degree of hatred.

i don't understand it. cynicism and disappointment in the human race i understand... but not hate.

monday was another day i got out of work rather late.

so i have one employee slot still open and another vacant as he waits for the swelling of his MRSA-infected face to go down. tuesday is always a busy day.

i was pulling the remainder of charts for the audit. trying to find time to call back the woman i want to hire so i can set up a second interview.... i spent a good half hour talking a patient down from cussing out his elderly mother and feisty sister because the doctor says his blood counts are too low for the procedure he wants to have done... but we can do something else... but he really wants this... but sure... i have time... because i couldn't even leave for lunch because i was helping cover the front desk for lunches and then remembered i had to assist a doctor that afternoon because... oh, yeah! i'm short-staffed.

and this person wants to complain... and that person wants to complain.....

it is suddenly never-ending.

and i left work late again today.........

i still haven't had a chance to look at the RFP due to development on thursday, i still have charts to pull for one of the two audits that continue on tomorrow and the remainder of the week...

not to mention a shitload of other paperwork i'd like to have finished before i break for the day of the dead (i.e. thanksgiving).

let's pause here for a moment so i can grab another beer (it's too hot currently in houston for wine - which is another thing that really pisses me off right now. it feels like independence day in november).

non-work related bullshit
friday night was a birthday shindig for a coworker at a very posh, fag bar.

i haven't been out to the bars since august, i would bet. possibly july. i'm rusty... i'm fat... i just wanted a cocktail or two and see some friends.

but suddenly all of my female coworkers have to tell me they want to have sex with me and rag on my choice in footwear... "because you'll never pick up a guy in those flipflops."

i was comfortable...! and because any of those pencil thin, label queens were going home with me in the first place.

and why can't a guy give me the type of attention i'm getting from countless women at work, all of the sudden? i'm cursed... when i dated women - couldn't get the time of day. now that i date men - all i get is attention from women.

maybe i really have pissed god off by not believing in him.....?

for the family
as i've mentioned.... i have family joining me for christmas. well, i also have family joining me for thanksgiving. and i want everything to look nice and festive. i am gay, after all.

so i decided to use some of my birthday gift cards and do some shopping. top on my list - a groovy tablecloth for thanksgiving dinner and my new dishware (thank you, steven). and a bathmat for the newly remodeled bathroom. (don't get excited - my previous bathroom floor sank an inch away from the wall - the entire bathroom was falling apart. necessity. not luxury.)

so i get both...among other things.

the tablecloth is too short. the bathmat's green is too light. i'll have to take them back... but suddenly i've run out of time on saturday. (what happened on saturday...?)

so sunday i exchange the tablecloth and return the bathmat because i couldn't find the right shade. this time i took a towel for comparison.

so...i get home: this tablecloth is too long. waaay too long. i'm suddenly feeling like fucking goldilocks. so i have to schlep clear out of my comfort zone for the bed, bath and beyond that actually has the tablecloth i want in the size i need (fyi: it is impossible to find a simple, brown tablecloth).

but bonus! i find a bathmat.

guess what? this bathmat is too dark..... fuck me, i can't win.

and ya know... sunday night...after it was all said and done. i just wanted to go to bed and get a good night's sleep.

but, no!

i had to listen to my new, lesbian, upstairs neighbors finally discover each other's happy spots.

i don't know if this is true of all lesbians...and i like to think it isn't... but those were not lady-like sounds coming from upstairs.

i need a pretty, blue pill.... i need to sleep.


Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Keep An Eye On...

barack obama.
while he's out there bashing hillary for not making records of her time as first lady in the white house available, he is also not the most forthcoming with his information.

lynn sweet of the suntimes has a column titled "obama record on transparency lacking. where are his state senate records?"

from the article:

An Obama spokesman, Ben LaBolt, last week declined to say where Obama's records from his years in the Illinois State Senate are located. There is no law mandating the state to archive the records. The records from Obama's office -- if he kept them -- would potentially show appointments with lobbyists, policy memos, meetings, etc.
the article also discusses his lack in naming names of his largest "bundlers."

if the vote is so important
cnn is reporting that senator barack obama has missed more votes than any other democratic candidate.

from cnn:

Sen. Barack Obama has missed the most votes of any Democratic presidential hopeful in the Senate over the last two months, including a vote on an Iran resolution he has blasted Sen. Hillary Clinton for supporting.

The Illinois Democrat has missed nearly 80 percent of all votes since September.

i understand that as a front-runner you don't attack... but when obama is slamming you for your vote, why does hill not hit him for not even bothering to show up?

in fact, hill has missed less votes than obama, dodd and biden.

we're keeping an eye on you, barack.


Monday, November 5, 2007

Breeder Weekend

every once in a while i find myself immersed in the world of breeders. and while i admit that i often wander into this straight world of my own volition, it's often driven by an uneasy sense of obligation.

i do not enjoy this world.

it is foreign to me.

straight people, in all honesty, queer me out a bit.

there are rituals i do not understand. phraseologies that are foreign to my ears and habits that give me pause.

my older brother's bachelor party at the "gentleman's club" which - let's be frank - exhibits nothing of a gentleman's nature.

the breeder pub where you are always certain to hear the brilliant diddy "margaritaville" or the ode to a certain "brown-eyed girl."

this weekend....the all their absurdness... danced their heathen dance for me in all it's horrific splendor.

nothing freaks me out more than talentless, drunken breeders reciting words to songs they really only know the chorus to.

it was my friend wolf's (real name) birthday. they began at a restaurant - nelore - that promised a "carnivore's dream." being vegetarian, i was spared the aroma of smoked flesh distributed via spit.

but the karaoke bar... that i could not dodge.

i think i can safely say that i've never been in the presence of more white men with less rhythm. looking back, i'm not sure how it was possible.

cute men... boys, really. furry ones, metrosexual ones.... men who in a few years may realize they like it up the butt.

but for tonight.... they were straight and singing country and rock and... could this be right? the backstreet boys?

i watched as they proudly puffed out their chests as they displayed the type of rhythm a child with m.s. may bang out on plastic tubs.

the ritual was....bizarre. i left that place and slept uneasy that evening.

katy, tx
cities have suburbs. suburbs have....katy, tx. katy is beyond the suburbs. katy is where serial murderers dump the bodies.

there is something unnatural about the suburbs. but katy just freaks me the fuck out.

i went in search of christmas bargains. i admit it.

my parents are spending the holidays with me and i feel a certain sense of duty to concoct a proper display of holiday cheer.

no nativity scene.... the baby jesus gives me the willies.... but seasons greetings for my mother and father.

our first stop was something called "gardenridge pottery." it appears to be an indoor flea market where inbred families meander about while looking at color-spastic creations for every conceivable holiday.

large women with even larger offspring.

men with A&M caps and cellphones clipped on to their belts.

i found some ornaments... but passed on the synthetic neon lime, popsicle orange and electric pink christmas trees.

kohl's was our next stop. i like kohl's. they existed where my parents live in wisconsin long before they carpetbagged it south. but still....those breeders. carrying their babies.... looking for bargains. wanting early bird discounts at 3 in the afternoon.

i couldn't concentrate... i used the bathroom twice... each time wishing i had not given up my cocaine habit oh so many years ago now.

the sports bar
now.... i'll be the first to admit i can enjoy a good sports bar. i prefer the restaurant/bar establishments... texadelphia being one of my personal favorites.

my brothers and i, along with their respective kellys, used to watch the annual aggie/longhorn game at the texadelphia down westheimer. what i liked most about this place was that the bathroom had television sets hung far about the urinals. while the straight boys watched the game... i watched the straight boys.

one memorable encounter found a handsome college stud looking at me after a particularly impressive replay and said, "god, a play like that really makes me wanna stroke one off."

believe me, my lovelies, when i say to you it took every ounce of restraint for me not to reply, "do you need some help?"

sally and i opted for the texadelphia on memorial.... not quite so seeped with college boys but still filled to the brim with hotties.

we went to watch the new england/indianapolis game. because when you're a texans fan... you occasionally want to watch a real game. all the hype and all the promise this game offered was fulfilled. this was football.

the colts dominated three quarters but fucked it all up with about ten minutes left in the game.

on a side note: i realize everyone wants to crown new england the greatest nfl team of all time... but let's relax, people. i heard chris collinsworth on nbc say that the colts did everything they needed to do in order to stop the pats but they still lost. well, my friend, i have two words for you: marvin harrison.

do you really think those initial passes to the endzone would have been flubbed by harrison? do you think he would have fumbled an important pass in the fourth quarter?

let's wait for the afc championship game.... foxsboro, kiddies. revenge is sweet.

anyway - back to the straight sports bar.

breeder mating rituals were in full estrus. have you noticed how women - especially of college and post-college age - seem to pull out all the tricks when attempting to attract other men?

their breasts are hiked up to jesus. their shorts or mini-skirts are short.... or jeans are tight.

i'm convinced this is from centuries of women being fed the bullshit that their lives are meaningless without a man. "you must marry to have any sense of identity." so they spend all their time obsessing over how to best attract a man and how to wrangle themselves a hubby.

in the meantime.... men just wanna fuck.

men know women have been brainwashed into thinking they're nothing without their hand placed in his back pocket. so they relax back in their chairs.... boot-clad feet outstretched before them. taking up as much room as possible as they swig back their bud light or miller lite, belch and whoop and holler at the game. their baseball caps strategically placed backwards on their heads.... missing the intention of the cap's bill to block out the rays of the sun.

but i love straight guys.... i do. let's be honest: they're hot.

i don't give a shit how dumb they are...if they can fill out a pair of jeans and flex a nice bicep, i like to watch.

and the crowd was into the game and the place erupted after great plays.... it was, in fact, a great sunday.

all in breeder hell. who knew?

non-breeder thoughts...sorta
these are my non-straight thoughts after the weekend. however, many of my friends would still say they're pretty damn straight.
  • the texans actually defeated the oakland raiders this weekend with schaub on the bench at the start of the game. that makes houston 4-5 going into the bye. i'm really hoping they can make their way to .500 this year.
  • lsu and texas are some lucky motherfuckers. both teams should have more losses than they do. the tigers, in particular, were lucky this weekend. and that shift attempt to pull the crimson tide offsides was just cheap football.
  • go ducks! i want oregon to play for the national title. (don't tell my lsu-alum sister-in-law.)
  • peter king's monday morning QB on has become one of the highlights of my week. if you're a football fan and you don't read this column, do yourself a favor.
  • i'm not eating enough vegetables. i can't seem to get enough chips, however.... not good - and my body is starting to revolt.
  • i've decided my christmas colors are blue and silver. very classy, i think.
  • i'm not sure how the situation in pakistan is going to play out - but it kinda scares the shit out of me. its estimated the country has 30 nukes.... if you don't think the leader of that country has great ramifications on this country, think again.
  • brian williams was kinda funny on SNL. too bad SNL isn't very funny.
  • i have to get rid of my leftover halloween candy... this is not a good situation for me.
okay...lots of hillary and campaign talk to come... but for now:

good night...and please, don't feed the breeders.