earlier today...after a conversation about a friend of mine and some of his beliefs... i had someone ask me if my friend was "gay" or "gay-gay." i said, "like take it up the ass gay?" she said, "no, like gay-gay."
"you mean, does he decorate and cut hair? have tiny dogs?"
finally....we found the crux of the question: "if he were in a relationship, would he be the man of the woman?"
ah.... (straight people. oy!)
so i pressed further: "so, like, does he clean the bathroom and his partner cook the steaks?"
she said, "no! like i'm the woman in my relationship..."
i said, "yes, because you have a woo-woo. and your husband has a penis."
basically, what she was looking for was who fit best into traditional gender roles.
traditional gender roles piss me off.
actually, before i go any further... i should say that it all began because i was explaining to her that this particular cocksucking friend is a very devout christian. he prays daily.... asks whathisface for guidance.
we talked about his interest in the "once gay" christians that are now, thanks to the help of (hallelujah) god and his offspring, straight.
i don't want to go so far as to call him a self-hating fag.... but i do think if god could make him straight, he'd sign on the dotted line.
so that led to whether or not he was "gay" or "gay-gay." for example...where does he fall on the kinsey scale? is he a perfect six or does he wobble around the 4 or 5 point?
"100% gay," i said. "never been with a woman... has no desire."
and then THAT led into the discussion of gender roles. and gender roles piss me off.
are we on the same page now...?
so, anyway..... i think she basically assumes that if you want to be cared for and have the "man" take care of you... then you're the woman. but if you're the one taking care of the little woman... holding them at night, caressing them when they cry... then you're the man.
so i said, "well, he wants to be the woman... but usually ends up the man."
but i despise those labels and those stereotypes. i know so many women that are far stronger than the men in their lives. does that mean these women, vaginas and all, are the men? are the emotionally self-deficient men, no matter how well hung, the women?
fuck that noise.
i don't think all newborns should wear pink if they're girls and blue if they're boys. i don't think all boys should want to grow up to be astronauts and firemen and women princesses and nurses.
when i was younger....besides wanting to be wonder woman...i wanted to be a baker. that's the first job i ever remember wanting to be when i grew up. never a policeman. never a fireman.
am i any less of a man....?
i know women who play sports better than any man i know. does that mean they're uterus is any less...... uterussy?
gender roles and gender stereotypes continue to cause a rift in society and the workplace and they perpetuate inequality. from equal pay to equal expectations.
women can't be strong... then they're bitches. but bitchy men are held up as titans of enterprise.
women who only wear pants and never dresses can never be considered as much of "a lady" than pretty, young things that wear flowy gowns. and they certainly can't be made president. (side note: back in the campaign, i had someone actually tell me he thought hillary would do better if she just carried a purse. i had another person tell me once the WNBA would succeed if the women wore more make-up and cuter outfits.)
on the flip side... men who have sex with men can't be "real" men. don't you dare like the color pink or you're automatically a fag.
it's all such bullshit.
i was so happy when my younger brother and his wife told me they would never buy anything pink for my niece. they didn't want to buy into that nonsense. but guess what? EVERYONE else buys pink for her.
it's so ingrained in our society: men are the breadwinner and will take care of their wives. women should only ever want to get married and obsess over their wedding day and dress and honeymoon.
let me tell you something. a friend and i used to talk about our perfect weddings and honeymoons.... and he is STRAIGHT!
and i watch football. and my "gay-gay" friend doesn't watch football. but my one dyke friend does when my other dyke friend doesn't.... and my straight female friend does... and another one doesn't.
and it's green to some people and avocado to others.... and some take it up the ass and others don't.
and it doesn't make one person more of a man or a woman than the other.
it just means we're all unique. not necessarily special... because, let's be honest, i know some pretty lame, boring, not-so-special people.
but they are, always, unique.