What In Gay Hell?

oh, my lovelies... i don't know what the fuck i just experienced this evening. but it wasn't pretty.

allow me to preface. the past several years i have attended the annual illumination project here in houston. it usually falls around world AIDS day and it's always been a lovely event. dance, musical performances, a reading from the laramie project.

but the woman who normally does it couldn't do it this year... she usually brings in talent from new york.

what i saw tonight... let's just say the illumination project was fisted this year without any use of elbow grease.

this year the evening was produced by "falcon" in cooperation of the empire of the royal sovereign imperial court of the single star. i don't really know what the fuck that is except that drag queens wear crowns, the men wear cowboy hats and sashes and it's all very queeny.

first off... i'd like to say that i've always been a big supporter of the illumination project. it had class and it was moving... each evening ended with candles placed on the stage for individuals to light in memory of a loved one lost or a loved one infected.

and i'd like to say that i'm a big believer in the fact that the gay community is the only population that continues to have large numbers infected with HIV that does anything to raise awareness, raise money.... fight for education. no other group, african american or latino, is really doing anything or holding any benefit to help fight against AIDS.

having said that... fuck me the event was gay, gay, GAY tonight. and it lost almost any aspect of sophistication or taste.

let's get a couple of things out of the way:

1) men: stop lip-syncing to other men singing. jesus christ! this drives me nuts. if you can't sing... don't sing. but for godssake don't just lip-sync to someone who has talent. leave that to the drag queens.

2) speaking o' drag queens.... drag queens don't make everything better. hell, they rarely make anything better. not that i don't appreciate drag queens. (although, i appreciate the ones that do their own singing more. singing on your own impresses me, if you can't tell). but the evening ended with a rather sweet dance between two men that suddenly brought in a drag queen and just camped up what otherwise probably could have been moving.

3) did you notice the "legitimate" performers did not stick around for a curtain call at the end of the show? yeah.... they were probably embarrassed.

4) just because they're your friends doesn't mean they have to have a number in the show.

and oh....the numbers. my god what a giant faggot train wreck!

i mean...there were some nice numbers. a piece danced by nozomi iijima and my new husband, tandy herrera, of the houston ballet was lovely. city of ballet houston's "sentimientos" was quite nice. although when the little, asian boy started his solo to just the drum... i really had to stop myself from yelling out: "go, billy! go!"

even the two numbers by houston metropolitan dance company... a fosse number that would have made fosse, himself, cringe...simply because of the sloppiness and un-uniformity of it.. and "whatever lola wants" with the phallocentric banana dance.... they were fun. despite some flaws.

but my god... two drag queens and three royal court members lip-syncing various numbers from you're a good man, charlie brown and another round of drag queens and empire members lip-syncing to the best little whore house in texas.

these were painful, uninspired numbers. bad drag. bad lip-syncing. just badly conceived.

a big-haired dyke ruined "somewhere over the rainbow" while rainbow-colored tarps rippled out from pictures of individuals who had died. it could have been moving...but it was terrible.

but this brings up another point i'd like to make.... there were about seven or eight pictures up there... all gay, white men... save one black man (who was probably gay).

now...while i'm a big believer in the fact that only gay men hold events to raise money for AIDS.... the entire event grossly ignored the growing infection rate in other races...especially black men and young, black women.

the event was held by gay men for gay men... it was not inclusive. it was self-aggrandizing, egotistical and embarrassing.

it was a reason to get your friends together for an event that should have been held at mary's or tony's corner pocket (sleazy, gay dives for my non-houston readers).

the illumination project was conceived to raise awareness of all those impacted by HIV. when you fill a show with drag queens and other camp... you alienate an entire population that is also suffering.

two more quick rants and i shall leave the horrid nightmare of this evening behind me.

1) there was a number by the "lone star lariats." i just knew it would be butch-looking men in cowboy drag dancing like a reject scene out of oklahoma. and sure enough.... bad cowboy drag along with two-stepping and line dancing.

and i'm sorry...but watching two men two-step queers me out. it's not natural.

i can watch two men salsa or slow dance... but two men doin' the boot-scoot boogie really freaks me out.

2) the flyboys of houston performed. a gaggle of half-naked, tweaked out twinks spinning flags like studio 54 still exists. it was over the top and there was nothing subtle in their "interpretive" dance. and it highlights PERFECTLY the problem with gay men and gay plays...

put a gaggle of half-naked, tweaked out twinks on a stage... or even one or two half-naked or fully-naked men on stage... and the gay audience will eat it alive and give you a standing ovation every night.

this drives me bonkers! it's why gay theater is so sub-par.

we don't require anything of it except some nudity... we care nothing of characters or plot or drama....

all we want is half-naked, tweaked out twinks....

and guess what? the fly boys of houston were an ENORMOUS success.

hell, i'm sure the entire event tonight will go down as an enormous success for most people who attended. because... i guarantee you...they were all friends of performers or members of the royal, empress court...or whatever it's called.

i hate to shit on such an important event... but this year was a disgrace to what was once such a moving evening.

i only hope i can take over next year and save this show from itself.

embarrassing. i mean...funny while you're watching it.... but embarrassing when you look back.

oy... queens!

e.

More Tales From Redesign Hell

well....the chairs were delivered on friday.

they're in. all eighteen of them. they're situated. it appears they'll work fine.

and as promised, i went home friday night and i... well, i opened a cab and popped a lovely white pill. somewhere deep within my recesses i knew to open the pinot and indulge in the blue pill would be premature.

and it would have been....

i spent four hours today schlepping around houston looking at dvd players... flat screen televisions... and more goddamned carpet samples....

not to mention lunch with my boss who was "starving" so made us stop and eat. and a side trip to her bank because her CD had matured.

jesus slap-happy christ. i wanted to die.

dr. kevorkian! take me away.....!

and why spend $110 on a five-disc dvd player when surely spending over $300 on a 400-disc changer makes so much more sense for a non-profit.

and the flatscreen! fuck me! the clients... they loooooove the new look of the waiting room. but they're all asking for a fucking flatscreen now. a client today told us we needed two!

"and can i get you a mojito while i massage the bottom of your feet with my tongue?"

oh...and the waiting room. the lovely chairs turned out to be dead when i was assured they wouldn't be dead. (they're leather...for those of you who cannot discern my meaning.)

and wicker, wicker everywhere....

some tibetan welcome symbol hangs next to a tchotchke of some mandarin man's jacket which stands next to a three-paneled photograph of black stones and soothing sand.

so we have consistency now... at least.

oh! and she's installed some ginormous, fucking tiki umbrella right in the middle of the waiting room. you know... for those ever-threatening, 40% chance of rain, houston summer afternoons. plus... i'd hate for any of my clients to sunburn... in the middle of the fucking waiting room.

oh... and the lights are out. she's turned off all the overhead lighting and now all we have are some lovely ikea lamps. and it's been overcast lately so it's dark in there...

and i don't want to imply that any of my clients are slutty... but i really feel as if i need to pop my head in the waiting room every half hour for a periodic hand check. "hands! let me see your hands!"

i mean, in that darkness...? vishnu only knows where my clients' hands might wander.

and now she's trying to redecorate my office again and i'll be goddamned if she's gonna touch my shit.

i'm oddly septuagenarian about my office... "leave my battered ole recliner alone, bitch!"

but the past several weeks... trudging my way to hell and back... trying to work hard in order to ensure that everything comes together for both staff and clients... it made me realize how much i dearly miss illegal substances.

i really think i could have eased through this entire mess much better had i been coked to the gills.

oh well... the bottle of pinot still awaits... and that little blue pill keeps staring me in the face every time i visit my medicine cabinet.

but it'll happen....

and someday soon the combination of wine and prescription medication will sooth my heart into a lull and i'll dance a highland fling in my head while i slip softly into a coma... hoping to wake up in five months and find this entire redesign nightmare behind me.

until then... this chardonnay isn't bad.

e.

Tales from Redesign Hell

so a couple of weeks ago i was able to secure a sizable donation to redesign the common areas of my program.

before i go any further i'd like to say that the waiting room and break room of my clinic were painted the color of tweety bird's ass over four years ago and i've been aching for a friendlier color.

and don't even get me started and the seafoam and purple vinyl chairs....

but my boss... who was hired just over a year ago to oversee the grand operations of the agency... has cared about little else than redecorating every inch of our agency.

now i understand that asian art and updating the agency walls to a more friendly earth-tone trump the true concerns facing our hiv+ clientele. i mean...who cares about CD4 counts when you can slap some marble on that wilting formica counter top?

really...the nightmares brought on my sustiva pale in importance.

so the past two weeks i have been up to my eyeballs in paint swatches, trips to furniture stores in hopes of finding that perfect chair and end table... not to mention fucking carpet samples.

and i don't mind... to an extent. i just want the entire redesign headache done so she can move on to another program.

but the past two weeks i have been working my ass off trying to make sure everything is handled properly and without disruption to the operation of the program.

our clinic sees far too many patients to have the painters and carpet installers work between 8 and 5... so i've been charged with staying late to help situate the workers and then return later in the evening to turn all the lights off, lock up and arm the ADT.

last wednesday i had to stay until 8:30 that evening to make sure everything went smoothly for everyone. at one point i had the carpet installers, the painters and the cleaning crew in the building.

i had so many mexicans working for me i felt like a republican.

every other day it has meant staying until about 5:30 or 6:00 and then staying alert and at the ready so that i may return to the clinic each night at 10 to secure the premises and then schlep back the following morning bright and early to help re-situate the moved furniture and prepare for the day.

and the new chairs are being delivered on friday... my doctors' favorite couch in the break room was prematurely discarded which has caused much mashing of the hands... plus they really don't have anything to sit on because... oh - did i mention the new chairs were not being delivered until friday?

and this painting has to go, says one person... but must stay there, declares someone else...

and ms. grande prissy queen 1983 who sits on our board is livid over the handling of the carpet donation and installation and i guarantee you he won't be happy with the color we chose for the waiting room.

and i'm so fucking exhausted i'm half expecting to start seeing the little people in the shadows again like you do after being up for three days on meth... ya know what i mean...?

okay... maybe you don't.

i'm tired is all i'm saying. i feel like frankenstein. "sleep... good."

and i'm sorry... but when i have a half million dollar contract to close out, end-of-month billing to reconcile and a new round of federal quarterly reports staring me in the face... i don't give a rat's ass about wicker accents.

why can't i just sit back in my hovel and handle what i need to handle and let everyone else arrange the new baskets in the windows and decide if the silver tables with the black tops will look okay with the shade of blue that now covers the walls of my waiting room?

seriously... i'm not that kind of fag. i don't care.

i mean... i like pretty things. i want everything to look nice for my clients and staff. but really... who fucking cares?

all i know is...when this is all over... there's a bottle of pinot and a lovely blue pill that's waiting for me.

a beautiful, powder blue xanax... now that's a color i can give two shits about.

e.

Notes From All Over: Seriously, All Over Edition

i got a lot o' shit swirling around my head today, my lovelies.... i don't even know where to begin.

suddenly...there appears to be nothing but piss and shit coming out in the news. have you noticed? is it just me...?

let's start with something close to my heart.

wake up, queens!
especially you twinks out there.... an editorial appeared in the times yesterday with the headline "HIV rises among young gay men."

from the article:

AIDS appears to be making an alarming comeback. The Journal of the American Medical Association reports that the incidence of H.I.V. infection among gay men is shooting up, following an encouraging period of decline. The rise of infections among younger gay men, especially black and Hispanic men, is troubling, and the study carries the clear implication that people at high risk of contracting the disease are becoming less cautious.

Statistics gathered by New York City health officials show that new diagnoses of H.I.V. infection — the virus that causes AIDS — in gay men under age 30 rose 32 percent between 2001 and 2006. Among black and Hispanic men, the figure was 34 percent. Most troubling, the number of new diagnoses among the youngest men in the study, those between ages 13 and 19, doubled.

our dear, sweet innocent gay future is doubling in infection rate... this is preposterous!

can anyone really argue against the need for better sex education when numbers like these come out? or are the republicans simply all too happy to allow young, gay men to kill themselves?

i have only buried one friend due to AIDS... i have been lucky. but i have several friends who are positive...two of them extremely close to my heart. i have other friends who lost all of their friends back in '90s.

they don't understand how people cannot be safe....

i understand the danger... hell, i work in an HIV clinic... and i say over and over again that complacency is the biggest factor contributing to HIV today... (that and the african american community's unwillingness to accept the dangerous spread of the disease in the communities and their continual hatred of all things gay which make men live on the fucking downlow and lie to their wives and girlfriends... but that's another entry.)

i realize drugs are better... i realize people are living longer.... but there is still no cure. none. you will still die from this.... thankfully, for my friends (and on a purely selfish level for myself) the drugs are better. but come on, my fellow mo's....slap a condom on that bitch!

speaking of bitches
is it just me or did everyone give birth this past weekend....? jesus.

media: shut the fuck up!
for days now we've been hearing all about the race v. gender fight of the obama v. clinton campaign.

a friend asked me today: "so who do you think started this argument?"

i took a moment and answered, "the press."

from the word "fairytale" being taken out of context to an idiotic misunderstanding over martin luther king, jr.... the media as been all a-twitter in non-stop coverage of the race issue.

then what happens? the candidates have to respond... then the media asks the candidates to respond to the candidates.... then the media has to get the response of the candidates response to their response....

meanwhile.... hillary - get your people to shut up about any possible mention of obama's drug use as a teen. this is NOT smart politics!

but last night... barack and hillary had enough... they called a truce.

from hillary:

We differ on a lot of things. And it is critical to have the right kind of discussion on where we stand. But when it comes to civil rights and our commitment to diversity, when it comes to our heroes — President John F. Kennedy and Dr. King — Sen. Obama and I are on the same side.

from barack:

Bill and Hillary Clinton have historically and consistently been on the right side of the civil rights movement.

FINALLY! we can put an end to this ridiculousness.... it's a harmful discussion for the party... it's harmful to the candidates... but it's especially dangerous if it splits the party in the general election or opens up attack-points for the GOP candidate.

but wouldn't ya know it.... i was watching news over lunch today and all the media wanted to do was talk about the race argument, the truce, what the truce meant, would race still be brought up... and they asked every, single fucking person on there about it.

how can the candidates put it to rest if the media won't shut the hell up about it?!?!

and how much do you want to bet that brian williams asks this question within the first half hour of the debate tonight in las vegas? i would actually bet on it being the first question.

what happens in vegas
sure as hell won't stay in vegas. tonight is a big night. this night will probably set up many primaries and caucuses to come.

and brian williams will be joined by tim "pitbull" russert. so you know it will be tough.

i hope candidates are smart: stick to the issues. avoid negative attacks. don't let the moderators pull you into personal attacks. differentiate yourself based on your policies and past experience.

please!

the latin vote
i do want to discuss one item when it comes to nevada and the democratic primary. and...forgive me...but it has to do with race. but not martin luther king's impact on civil rights (ummm...EVERYTHING!) or who said what first and when and what does that mean....

but my question is this: where will the latin vote go?

i've spoken with some hispanic friends and i asked them about something i've heard about throughout my adult life with many of my latin friends.

latin americans do not like african americans. and african americans don't like latin americans.

now...obviously...this is not across the board. but i've always understood that latin and black MEN, especially, do not like each other. one friend went so far as to say most latin men wouldn't vote for an african american or a woman and may end up voting republican.

so...a lot has been made of this culinary union endorsement for barack obama out in nevada... but with a vast majority of that union made up of latin workers.... will they support obama?

i think to watch where the latin vote goes...in both the primary and caucus elections and the general election...will be very interesting. keep an eye on that.

football
real quick notes so as not to upset steven.... GREAT FUCKING football this past weekend. i hope you saw it.

the seattle/green bay game was thrilling... exciting and snow-filled. my god - THAT'S the kind of football i love to watch. there's nothing like football in the snow. my friend looked at me and said, "how hard does it have to snow before they cancel the game?" i said, "they won't. only thing that cancels a game is lightening."

and did you see that underhand pass by favre. the man is unstoppable!

i hated watching the colts fall to the bolts... but THRILLED to see the cowboys fall to the giants.

my prediction: green bay/new england superbowl (i know, not a big stretch).

GO PACKERS!

e.