3 days...

only three days to go....

hard to believe it's almost here - but the iowa caucuses are this thursday. i think i'll take the next three days to update the latest polls and see how things are shaping up.

but first...let's discuss the process. i understand the weather is supposed to be nice thursday night. not too cold (the 30's) and sunny. a big turn out will help obama and clinton. a small turnout will help edwards...who lays claim to the caucus faithful.

obama could be hurt because his largest supporter pot comes in the form of younger voters... they're home for the holidays.

the republicans vote much like a staw poll. anonymous ballots that are counted to find a winner. pretty straight forward.

the dems....they've got it tough. everyone is in a room and you go to separate sides or corners to show your support of each candidate. nothing anonymous about this. you have to get up in front of everyone and stand by your nominee. that could be daunting.

there's a great story about the daughter of a very powerful man in one town that went to stand with the howard dean group in 2004 and the father said, "you take one more step, young lady, and you're grounded for a month." she turned around and stood with him and the other john kerry folk.

nominees must also garner at least 15% of the crowd for their candidate. if someone does not get 15% - those people negotiate with the other groups and can move towards their second choice.

edwards scores the most points as people's second choice.

the polls
realclearpolitics.com currently has hillary ahead in iowa by an average of 2 points. she's ahead 4 in the reuters/zogby poll and 7 in the latest american research poll.

edwards leads by 1 in mason-dixon and obama leads by 1 in strategic vision. the latest msnbc poll has edwards first with clinton in second and obama in third.

i heard some mumbling yesterday that obama is still expected to win iowa. i'm prepared to call edwards the winner today... but that could change before thursday.

if nothing else...the obama momentum has appeared to slow.

on the republican side...realclearpolitics.com currently has flip-flop mitt in the lead by a mere 0.4 points over hillbilly huckabee. reuters/zogby has huck up by 2 but american research has romney up by 9.

i'm still predicting huckabee to take iowa.... although - mitt may have the troops on the ground to sway turnout.

we'll see...

looks to be an exciting week. love these close races. i just hope hillary can come out on top.

see ya tomorrow.

e.

.500

well....it finally happened. the texans finished a season without a losing record.

with a final score of 28-42 over the jacksonville jaguars, the houston texans finished a season with an 8-8 record.

no, they didn't make the playoffs...

true, only one player made the pro bowl.

but it's not a losing record. mario williams has silenced the critics with the second most sacks in the nfl this year.

and next year....if we're healthy....i think the playoffs are a definite possibility.

but enjoy the .500 season, boys. ya done good.

go texans!

16-0
oh...and the new england patriots won a hard-fought victory over the new york giants last night to finish a perfect season. 16-0.

whatever...i hate the patriots. brady is a republican and a pig. and they still cheat.

go packers!

e.

The Kyra Phillips Award

following in the footsteps of cnn's kyra phillips and her "proverbial bridge" - i bring you another installment of idiotic anchor statements.

msnbc's mika brzezinski this morning reported on hillbilly huckabee's rise in the recent la times/bloomberg poll. referring to his poll ascent as a "comeback."

ummm....mika. do you understand that you have to be ahead in the polls....then fall in the polls... then regain ground in the polls.... in order for it to be a comeback?

you can't just move ahead and term it a comeback. that's a "rise" in the polls, sweetie.

a rise.

e.

A Predictable End

today begins the three days of mourning following the assassination of former pakistani prime minister, benazir bhutto.

it may seem like this took place a world away...but it will affect everyone.

keep an eye on the news... riots have begun. marshall law will probably be issued again. al qaeda will feel strengthened.... the bush administration will become more paranoid.

on simplistic terms.... gas will rise.

bhutto's past was allegedly checkered, yes. but she was the best bet for a moderate pakistan.

the loss of her life will be felt by everyone.

keep an eye on pakistan.

e.

Notes From All Over: Political Edition II

only 8 days, my lovelies....

after taking a couple days off from campaigning in recognition of the birth of someone or other.... the candidates are back on the trail.

most candidates are in iowa... would make sense.

but ole "make no sense" giuliani is in florida.... still working towards his tsunami tuesday strategy. and john "hope is on the way" edwards is in new hampshire.

wha...?!?!

it's all very odd.... meanwhile....new polls seems to be out every day. so let's break down some interesting party polls.

the republicans
first off...let's take a moment to appreciate the rapid decline of rudy's campaign. at once holding a strong 18 point lead in national polls, mr. "i've spent more time at ground zero" giuliani is now barely holding on to a 3-point lead (he's tied with romney in the most recent nbc poll).

in iowa....the momentum train that is huckabee continues to glide - ahead as much as 6 or 8 points in certain polls. but the magnificent lead he held towards the beginning of december has trailed off and romney has regained some ground.

meanwhile....if thompson ever had any momentum.... i simply can't find it.

in new hampshire.... mccain is making a helluva comeback and only trails romney by 3 points in the lated globe poll.

it's really crazy.... i'm not sure mccain can pull off such a stunning comeback and win the nomination...but if he does - he's the one republican i'm truly fearful that a dem could possibly not beat. i'm still thinking the nod will go to romney or huckabee.... but it's still an open race.

of course...ole flip-flop mitt continues to attack huckabee and everyone seems to be largely ignoring everyone else.

and while we're discussing romney, let's take a look back for our...

meet the press quote of the week (december 16, 2007)
i thought romney handled himself rather well.... of course, it all depends on what your definition of "saw" is.... but he maintained his composure and fared rather well against mr. russert. far batter than rudy, at any rate.

but when asked about the issue that has plagued him most in recent weeks...illegal immigration....he missed an opportunity to really clear up the misunderstanding. russert mentioned a very damning article about flip-flop's gardening company and their use of illegal immigrants. mr. romney was adament! "i have to clear up the most egregious error in that article," he began. this was it! tell us the truth!

continued mitt:

it says my house is pink. i would not have a pink house, i assure you.

yes....with your constant change on abortion rights, gun rights, gay rights.... with the questions surrounding your misstatements and mormonism and use of illegal immigrants.... the possible insuation that you're a fag by having a pink house... THAT'S egregous.

you jackass.

meet the press quote of the week (december 23, 2007)
i have to stick with romney for a moment.... ron paul was tim's guest this past weekend and he came across as a total buffoon. unaware of statistics, caught talking down about big government, but introducing goverment earmarks...but then voting against the very earmarks he introduced because he knew they were safe for his constituency with enough votes to pass so he could stand by his libertarian credentials and say "i voted against big government!"

ron paul is a joke and if you're considering a vote for paul...you're a moron. grow up.

but the quote of the week goes to john harwood and this little nugget about flip-flop mitt (on the topic of him "seeing" his father march with MLK):

if you look at the way mitt romney's run his campaign, there's plenty to criticize. those of us old enough to remember "leave it to beaver" sometimes see eddie haskell in mitt romney going to every constituency group and saying, "you look so lovely, mrs. cleaver."

priceless.....

the democrats - or - hillary's on the rise
when looking at the average of all the recent polls in iowa....realclearpolitics.com shows hillary clinton has regained the lead with an average of 1.9 points ahead of obama. not much, i know... but the latest american research group poll actually has hill ahead by 14 points.

clinton has also seen a slight bump in new hampshire where she maintains a slight lead over obama.

it still comes down to this: if hillary wins iowa - she wins it all. if she comes in second to edwards - she probably goes on to win it all.

if obama wins iowa.... well, then we might have some problems.

but edwards has the most experienced caucus goers behind him in iowa so that bolds well for his chances. if my girl can't take iowa....i'd much rather her lose to johnny boy.

but all the national polls still show that obama and clinton can beat every republican nominee (with the possible exception of mccain - which is why he scares me).

let's talk endorsements
i'll try to keep this short....i know i'm running long. mccain has been garnering most of the respectable and important newspaper endorsements on the GOP side: des moines register and boston globe among them.

hillary gained the des moines register endorsement (they endorsed edwards in '04 - ouch!) while obama won the globe endorsement.

meanwhile, mitt romney received a rare anti-endorsement from the concord monitor which called romney “a disquieting figure who sure looks like the next president and most surely must be stopped.”

gotta love that..... poor mitt. thank god he's pretty.

interesting side note:
richard baehr has an article that talks about hillary's possible running mate should she win the nomination. there's been a lot of talk about someone with a military background - general wesley clark or senator jim webb. but baehr mentioned both their recent stints with foot in mouth disease.... so he's thrown out the name of former nebraska governor and senator bob kerrey - most recently of the new school and the 9/11 commission.

interesting... he did just come out and endorse hill in iowa the other week.

thank buddha all the christmas nosense is over and we can get back to politics, huh?

go hillary! play it smart the next 8 days.....

e.

Merry Christmas

have yourself a merry little christmas, my lovelies....

e.

Another One Bites the Dust

"i swear... i was this close."

well, maybe not... which is why republican presidential candidate tom "not a chance in hell" tancredo has dropped out of the race. tancredo, from the rocky mountain high state of colorado, announced his decision to withdraw from the race today while in iowa.

tancredo has put his support behind GOP candidate mitt "flip flop" romney.

no reports yet whether or not this news brought a tear to the eyes of the softer side of romney, most recently on display in iowa and meet the press.

e.

SAGs

the 14th annual screen actors guild nods came out today... nice to see some new names floating around.

i'm all about the awards season, my lovelies... you'll learn this about me.

i've been lagging on some movie-watching... but i'm catching up. i think we'll dedicate this entry to the noms and then i'll backtrack later to give some thoughts on films.

right off the bat...no love for atonement. not a single nod... which is sad for saoirse ronan who clearly deserves a nomination. also no nominations from recent favorites charlie wilson's war, the savages and before the devil knows you're dead.

the nominations
Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Leading Role

George Clooney (Michael Clayton)

Daniel Day-Lewis (There Will Be Blood)

Ryan Gosling (Lars and the Real Girl)

Emile Hirsch (Into the Wild)

Viggo Mortensen (Eastern Promises)

clooney and day-lewis have become fixtures on this list. interesting to see hirsch and no tom hanks. the guild, however, tends to make some better - lesser known - choices than the oscars. into the wild is also directed by sean penn.... very popular with the guild. mortensen and gosling have also been popping up...but is eastern promises to long ago to remember and has anyone seen lars and the real girl? oddly enough, clooney currently seems the one to beat.

Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Leading Role

Cate Blanchett (Elizabeth: The Golden Age)

Julie Christie (Away From Her)

Marion Cotillard (La Vie En Rose)

Angelina Jolie (A Mighty Heart)

Ellen Page (Juno)

thrilled to see most lists remembering back to away from her and nominating christie. likewise, cotillard. both give amazing performances. nice momentum for page and i see her making it all the way the oscars. blanchett and jolie's names continue to appear... but will they make it to the big show? is it possible for blanchett to score a nod for a film considered so poor? of course, voters seem to believe she can do no wrong... she's the new meryl streep... nominated for everything she does.

Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Supporting Role

Casey Affleck (The Assassination of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford)

Javier Bardem (No Country For Old Men)

Hal Holbrook (Into The Wild)

Tommy Lee Jones (No Country For Old Men)

Tom Wilkinson (Michael Clayton)

this appears to be bardem's year....and it's way past due. holbrook continues to make the cut (given what is said to be the performance of his career) - but is he simply caught up in the wild momentum with the SAGs? i'd love to see jones make the oscars and affleck seems to be a shoe-in for a nod as robert ford.... his incredible performance in gone baby gone can only help. but i really see bardem winning everything this year... and from what i've seen - well deserved.

Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Supporting Role

Cate Blanchett (I'm Not There)

Ruby Dee (American Gangster)

Catherine Keener (Into The Wild)

Amy Ryan (Gone Baby Gone)

Tilda Swinton (Michael Clayton)

ahhh...my favorite category. blanchett scores another nod... and she is the one lock for the academy awards, as well. amy ryan has also appeared on nearly every critic's list. swinton and keener are rather new to lists... and dee gets her first mention that i've seen. this is a nice list... i'm sad to say i've only seen one nomination.

Outstanding Performance by a Cast in a Motion Picture

3:10 to Yuma

American Gangster

Hairspray

Into the Wild

No Country for Old Men

hairspray clearly garnering the birdcage nomination of the year. people love to equate this category with best picture but it rarely correlates. it's kind of a bullshit category - especially when you have birdcage winning one year. then you have amazing casts like glengarry glenn ross winning... now that's a cast!

i'm getting excited.... at last!

of course, the next big question is this: will any actor dare cross the picket lines to attend an awards show this season.....?

i love unions... i'm pro-union. and i think the writers have every cause to strike.

but suddenly they're fucking with my awards season and that shit will piss me off. but we still have some time. until then....

unite, brothers! unite!

e.

Notes From All Over: Football Edition

it's become a very distressing topic to many of my gay friends. but buddha help me: i fucking love football.

this past thursday i attended the houston texans game as they hosted the denver broncos. it was a perfect night for football.

the temperature was in the 50's. the retractable roof was open. i'm a big fan of the open air ball games....

my friend vicky and i had seats in the endzone... 12 rows up from the field. i was lined up behind the left hashmarks... directly behind the QB. (good thing david carr wasn't lined up in front of me... i may have fainted. although - jay cutler: not a bad ass.)

we were surrounded by the insane, drunken fans that you always see on t.v. we had some beers. cheered on the cheerleaders. screamed until our throats went hoarse.

not to sound too gay when talking about football but...it was a fabulous night.

13-31

the texans stomped the broncos 13-31 to return...once again....to .500 for the year. and makes ending the season...if not with a winning record...but possibly an even one.

sage rosenfels looked great... my boy owen daniels made some plays. but the story of the night was mario williams. 3.5 sacks in one game... a record for the texans.

peter king named williams his defensive player of the week and made the following statement in his "monday morning QB" column:

his 3.5-sack effort against denver helped the texans get back to .500 with a 31-14 [NOTE: i keep seeing this incorrect score, but i digress...] win over the broncos on thursday night. if you watch williams now, you see a rusher playing with the confidence of a michael strahan. with 13 sacks in 14 games, williams ranks second in the NFL in that category, behind only patrick kerney.

it's a young team.... and king even put the texans in his "fine fifteen" this week - tied with the eagles. with the simple tag: 2008 playoffs. here they come.

from your column to whoever's ears, peter.

the curse of jessica?

i don't care if it was jessica simpson's beautiful breasts distracting him or the jammed thumb... but romo sucked on sunday and the cowboys' loss was the highlight of my day.

the boys are now 12-2...identical record with the green bay packers. what i'm hoping now is that the pack can win the remainder of their schedule and the boys lose at least one more. that way - when green bay and dallas meet up in the championship - it will be played in green bay... end of january.

brrrrr.... chilly.

brett favre

favre now holds all the QB records. this weekend he broke marino's record of total career passing yards.

congratulations, brett. i'm so happy you're having the fucking phenomenal year and that you decided to come back and not retire after that awful 2006 season.

quick hits

(to steal from peter king, again)

1. the ravens have lost 8 in a row... what the fuck? and they almost beat new england?

2. the miami dolphins FINALLY won a game. so much for going 0-16. who did they beat? ummmm.... the baltimore ravens.

3. tampa bay returned their first punt return for a touchdown in the team's entire 32 year history. kinda groovy... kinda pathetic.

4. what is up belichick's ass? the man looks like somebody shot his puppy.
5. i used to feel uncomfortable looking at cheerleaders... i kinda liked it thursday night. i'm worried.

6. giants lost to washington.... could new york have any more of an uneven year?

7. the talk continues about williams being a better choice over bush and young. however, young looked pretty good on sunday.

8. i'm happy i was at the game on thursday.... the nfl network is a great idea... but bad for football and the fans.

9. i had three bud lights at the game in honor of my friend nolan's job with budweiser. on an empty stomach...i even got kinda drunk.

super bowl

smart money would have me predict a new england/dallas super bowl. at this point - i think the pats will go. but i can still hope for indy.

i'm not quite ready to pick dallas, however. i would love to see green bay go.... and if the championship game between dallas and green bay is in the tundra - i'd say green bay.

for now...i'm predicting a green bay/new england super bowl.

i need to sleep with a man

when i was at the game on thursday.... i found myself fully pleased after an impressive series and another houston score. my arms were crossed over my chest and i was absently nodding my approval/happiness.

i looked around to see if others shared my fulfillment. my eyes were met by another man. his arms were crossed over his chest. he was nodding.

i looked around some more.....

all over... men had their arms crossed. nodding their approval/happiness. then i was hit with a thought:

"fuck me i need to have sex with a man.... i'm turning straight!"

i'm frightened, auntie em....

i'm frightened.

e.

Vindication!

so i'm watching football night in america last night on nbc and an interesting thing happened in the player's room.

chris collinsworth asked the question: looking back, did the houston texans make the right call drafting mario williams first in the draft over reggie bush and vince young?

tiki barber and jerome bettis both said: "yes."

take that, haters!

peter king in his monday morning quarterback column for si.com wrote the following:

isn't it funny how, looking back at the 2006 draft, we all laughed at houston for even suggesting mario williams was better than vince young? who's laughing now?

let's look at the numbers:

williams has 32 tackles on the season (with an additional 14 assists). he's had 9.5 sacks and has forced 2 fumbles (he returned one for a TD). he's even deflected one punt.

bush is averaging an embarrassing 3.7 yards per rush. he's had only 4 touchdowns in 12 games but has managed to fumble the ball 7 times.

young has only thrown 7 touchdowns all season but has fumbled the ball 16 times and been sacked another 20.

young's QB rating is 66.9. compare that to peyton manning at 97 and tom brady at a whopping 123.5 rating. hell, even donovan mcnabb - the QB philly wants axed - has a QB rating of 87.9.

so...it is a bit of a sweet vindication that the doubts over taking williams first in the draft over other "high profile" players has turned out to be smart thinking after all.

now...if the texans could just win more games.

but hey - this sunday they beat every one's dark horse golden boys, tampa bay. i'm hoping they can win again this thursday against denver (a game i will be attending, just FYI). because i doubt we'll win our last two games at indy and against the jags.

trying to do the math...i'm still wondering if we can end the season at .500.

i'm hopeful.

meet the press quote of the week

did anyone see that god awful performance by rudy giuliani yesterday? beyond the fact that russert obliterated rudy... the man comes across like an idiot. "well, now i know." after watching yesterday, you have to wonder: does the man know anything?

but...the ego that did utter the words "i spent more time at ground zero than the workers" did bring us our press quote of the week:

"it's all about me."

you keep thinking that rudy....

the ego!

e.

Did He Really Just Say That...?

so....i'm at work the other day and i'm helping a client out.

"what's your name? i don't recognize you," he says. so i tell him my name and that i'm the manager.

"oh," he says. "i should take you out to lunch sometime." and then he lasciviously adds: "i could give you a mouthful."

ewwww.... did he really just say that shit to me?

what are guys thinking when they talk like that? i mean....does that really work?

when i used to wait tables... i couldn't believe the fucked-up shit men would say to me.

and let me preface this by admitting: i'm not some hot motherfucker. i'm not the type of guy that stops men in their tracks or generally makes an individual swoon.

yet here they speak!

"would you like olive oil on your pasta or the cream sauce?"

"oh cream," they would say. "lots and lots of cream."

i've had customers ask me to spank them if they're indecisive, thus "naughty." and when i'd offer dessert or ask if they left room for dessert. they'd look right at my crotch and say: "whaddaya got?"

and i'd smile as big as i could and say in a mock-perky voice: "keylime pie!"

now...i realize it's not just limited to men.... when i was in the heterosexual netherworld of the karaoke bar last month, a woman was overheard uttering the following:

they call me the headhunter....cuz my pussy's so tight it'll rip yo' dick right off.

classy.........

so, i ask: does this shit really work? does anyone really get anywhere uttering such bile?

cuz...it ain't workin' with me.

i'm just saying....

e.

So... No WWIII?

have you heard the news? as it turns out... iran is not developing nuclear weapons... not developing the technology.

not really....doing... anything.

talkin' a lot of smack, i guess. but then again... isn't that what bush and cheney have been doing for, oh, say seven years?

yes... the latest national intelligence estimate declares that iran stopped their nuclear weapons program back in 2003.

now...the fact that our intelligence agency has royally fucked up really shouldn't surprise anyone.

but when did bush know about these developments? how long has he been lying?

apparently, W was told about the reassessment of iran's weapons program back in august. but, ummm... he didn't really ask too many questions. you know... because when you're dealing with the country that could bring world war III down on the united states, details aren't too important to #43.

so...he knew something was up in august... but on october 17th he's still talking about nuclear weapons and WWIII.

but the NIE says iran couldn't possibly develop nuclear weapons before 2010 now...

but today.... bush went to the airwaves to reassure the public that iran was a threat, is a threat and continues to be a threat.

ummm... pardon me, mr. president, if i don't just take your word for it.

e.

p.s.

i don't want to hear any bullshit about hillary's iran vote and what does this say about her judgement. hill's vote was in response to the iranian revolutionary guard providing support and weapons to al qaeda in iraq. this is well documented... it had nothing to do with iran's nuclear program....

so don't try it.... fuckin' haters.

Times... They Are A'Changin'

in the same season when nobody teams can make it into the bcs top ten (and then go on to lose their only important games) - why shouldn't a nobody make it into the big leagues of politics?

mike huckabee leads in iowa.

yes...you read that statement correctly. for a couple of months now i have quietly been telling my friends, "don't count out huckabee." in fact - that was to be a title for one of my blog entries back in the fall.

conventional wisdom, however, along with a great deal of caution - kept telling me the race would be between romney and rudy.

not so.... i say it again: don't count out huckabee.

so who is huckabee? appalachian state? does that make romney michigan? doubt he would like that... or is huckabee southern florida? making it into the top five only to fade out once he comes across a real competitor?

more likey....i see huckabee as hawaii. the real crowd doesn't want to welcome him...but he's proven himself and now he has his chance.... iowa is the sugar bowl, my friends... it's huck's chance to prove himself...

and before this metaphor gets away from me... let's go to the numbers.

new polls!

the iowa republicans

the latest des moines register poll - the poll i've been looooooong waiting for - is finally out. huckabee is the big surprise.

iowa hearts huckabee and he leads with 29% of the vote. that's an increase of 17% from october. flip-flop romney has fallen from 29% to 24% and giuliani remains in third with 13%.

what's most interesting about huck's surge is that he has only spent $300,000 in iowa. romney has spent over $7 million.

but when you watch the debates... huck always has the best one-liners. and he doesn't come across like a politician. he comes across like the "aw shucks" pastor he is...

careful boys... luckily - he has that bad tax past.

iowa democrats - or - a new leader emerges

the new des moines register poll of likely democratic caucus goers has barack obama in the lead. yes... even if you go to realclearpolitics.com - obama has taken the lead in iowa when all polls are averaged (granted, only .2% ahead, but still).

barack is up to 28% from 22% in october. hillary remains a strong second with 25% (down from 29% in october) and stalled-out edwards remains, well, stalled at 23%.

the most frightening thing about this poll is some of the internal numbers. most notably - obama has taken a lead with iowa women. he now leads hill 31% to 26% with women. in october, hillary was up 34% to obama's 21%.

a big part of this must be her poor performance in philly. and several pundits i heard talking over the weekend - most notably gene robinson of the post - believes her poor performance has given people permission to start looking at other candidates. and let's face it... barack is a great candidate.

i just feel he's not as great as my girl....

but what i believe more - and something else i've said to friends - is what michelle norris of npr said on press this weekend...

which brings us to (yes!) our...

meet the press quote of the week

from the above mentioned ms. norris, on the subject of hillary's "inevitability."

it's a word a lot of people here (in iowa) do not like... the sense that hillary clinton was the inevitable candidate did not go down easy with a lot of voters that i spoke with. they don't want to be told that their votes don't count. they want to know...that they play an important role in this process.

it's like the oscars, people. whenever a movie seems a lock for the big prize... there's always a backlash.

and trust me... i know my oscars.

i knew all this talk about hillary being the inevitable candidate would start a backlash... and here it is... the media wouldn't shut the fuck up about it and now she's suffering in the polls.

even hillary's lead in new hampshire has dropped a bit. and she's dropped 7 points in south carolina.

am i worried?

no... not worried. concerned, yes. a little nervous, perhaps. but hillary will be fine.

the most important thing is she can't panic. can't seem desperate. which means she may want to be careful with the attacks in iowa. obama has already put up a website titled "hillary attacks."

so to come full circle...

it's like the bcs. nobody is safe this year... nobody is guaranteed a perfect season. except hawaii, apparently... which if my metaphor stands is huckabee.... which means he has a perfect season. but then again... he can always be beaten by georgia. but i guess that begs the question? who is georgia? romney? thompson?

and if hillary finishes second in iowa... good money says she can still go on to win in new hampshire and win big on tsunami tuesday. unless she suffers the other curse of the bcs this season.... and #2 fucks it all up and falls deep in the standings.

shit... i think i've scared myself with my football analogies.

i know i've definitely confused some of my gay friends....

hillary 08?

e.

Keep An Eye On...

rochester, new hampshire.

a lone man, described as forty-something with salt and pepper hair, has taken a hillary clinton campaign headquarters hostage in rochester.

this is breaking news and little information is available.

he entered the building, told staff he had a bomb strapped to himself and ordered everyone to get down on the floor.

a woman and a child have been released. two known staffers remain inside.

clinton has canceled her speaking engagement at the dnc today... she is in washington, not rochester.

the hostage taker has demanded to speak with hillary.

more to come.......

e.

The Coffee Is Life

for a couple of weeks now every time i popped into a starbucks to order my grande non-fat, no-whip mocha, i was presented with the same refrain:

"would you like to make it a peppermint mocha?"

i would kindly reply, "not until after thanksgiving, thank you."

call me a traditionalist, i don't care.... but the peppermint mocha should not be broken out until after thanksgiving.

of course, this speaks to the larger problem of our commercialism-obsessed society. i think christmas decorations come out in stores now after the fourth of july, yes?

well...i know they're out by halloween.

now, the birth of the baby jesus doesn't give me a warm fuzzy inside. not a believer... i prefer my santa claus and frosty the snowman.

give me burl ives over 'away in a manger' anyday.

but the peppermint mocha comes after the slaughter of the innocents (i.e. thanksgiving).

this morning came after thanksgiving.

"can i get a grande, non-fat, no-whip, peppermint mocha, please?"

mmmm.....

the season begins.

e.

Post Thanksgiving Thoughts

fifteen years ago i gave up meat. cold turkey, so to speak. i was a freshman in college and the first time i went home after becoming vegetarian was the thanksgiving holiday.

my mom was very cute. assuring me that turkey was not bad for me and that a little bit wouldn't hurt me. fifteen years later, i still have not had turkey. luckily, my mom now understands and doesn't push.

having said all of this, i think i can easily say, thanksgiving is not one of my favorite holidays.

but this weekend was one of the best thanksgiving holidays i've had in some time.

did everything go perfectly? no... texas lost to the aggies, to begin with.

but i had so much fun that i look forward to attempting the same holiday next year and maybe, just maybe, finding a way to enjoy the annual death day for turkeys.

the family

my younger brother and his wife drove in wednesday night. the temps in houston dropped quickly that night and provided a fabulously chilly thanksgiving. my brother, unfortunately, hit the cold front as it made it's way down i-10 into louisiana. his drive was not fun.

i spent the evening finishing the cleaning of the house and baking a beautiful, double-crust apple pie. i also made my mother's celery and sage dressing.

thanksgiving day...i cooked. roasted garlic and potato soup with smoked gouda grilled cheese sandwiches for lunch. my friend sally joined us and we watched the packers go 10-1 for the first time in franchise history.

that evening... my brother and his wife made some turkey concoction for the omnivores. i had the dressing, garlic mashed potatoes, an uber-yummy corn casserole and some cranberry sauce and dinner rolls. unlike last year, the dinner went off on time and without a hitch.

we cracked open the chardonnay from the wisconsin winery and had a very nice dinner. classical music playing... a slow dinner. the four of us got along so well... laughed, talked. the wine was very tasty. it was...a perfect dinner.

that night we had the pumpkin pie i made that morning and went to bed full and happy.

black friday

not because of shopping... there's no way in hell you'd catch me out shopping the day after thanksgiving... but it was not a good day for college ball in my apartment.

my older brother and his wife joined us with their dog, sadie. not only were they both in burnt orange to show their support of the 'horns... but sadie is a natural burnt orange.

the younger brother's wife is an lsu alum. ummmmm...lsu blew it this weekend. i've said all year that lsu has been some lucky motherfuckers. well, their luck ran out in the fourth overtime. not a fun day for kelly#2 (both brothers married kellys. i'm on the look out for a male kelly, just fyi).

then the texas game... my younger brother graduated from UT. the rest of the family merely supports. for me - it's mainly an anti-a&m thing.

well...the overrated texas team also collapsed. there was not enough beer for my older, married siblings... the younger brother drowned himself in his chocolate pecan pie.

which he was making for...

the first annual pie off!

mmmmm........ pie.

13 people. six pies. a lot of alcohol.

it was a delicious evening... coffee. hot chocolate. a very tasty riesling from the wisconsin winery.

side note: i normally hate riesling... but this was delicious. i made everyone try it.

the pies broke down like this: two double crust apple pies. a chocolate pecan pie. a pumpkin pecan pie. a chocolate silk. a blueberry cream.

the judges were the individuals that did not bake.... 3rd place was the chocolate silk. very yummy. congrats. 2nd place: the blueberry pie. i hate to disparage a pie...but the crust was bought. that's all i'm saying. first place... don't get all excited. it was the fucking chocolate pecan. as my friend enita said: adding chocolate to anything simply speaks to our basest natures. double crust apple pies take talent.

i think we canceled each other out.

at least everyone really enjoyed the evening. they all thought it was a great idea and it was all well-executed. i couldn't have been more pleased.

well...unless my pie had won.

farewells

my older brother and his kelly left early saturday afternoon. they had to get back out to her parents' house and had dinner plans that evening.

before my younger brother left, he saved my life. not only did he give me his old laptop that i'm writing on right now (i fucking love this thing), but he also worked on my old computer that crashed a couple of months ago.

that computer had my life on it.... everything i had ever written. all my new play ideas. the start of my new full-length play.

and no...i've never been smart enough to back up.

he saved it all. my computer still needs help...but i got all of my writing back. safe and sound on this laptop and a backup cd.

i swear to you...i could've cried. and i'm not a cryer.

i mean.... put terms of endearment or carrington in the dvd player.... i lose it. but in real life, i tend to fight it.

then another odd thing happened. younger brother and kelly#2 left mid-afternoon. when i hugged them good-bye..... i nearly cried.

i fought back the tears.

isn't 34 too early for menopause? why so emotional? i'm terribly confused by it all.

but as i said...it was one of the best thanksgiving holidays i've had in a long time. everything just went beautifully. no stress. no tension.

just a wonderful time had by all.

sunday i put up my christmas tree and began decking the halls. talked to my friend jason for nearly an hour after not speaking to him in months (except the odd email).

the entire four days were emotional, satisfying. a little unsettling.

to quote my favorite thanksgiving movie, home for the holidays: "i can't wait for goddamn christmas."

happy holidays.

e.

Notes From All Over: Political Edition

i know, my lovelies... i've been neglectful.

but work has appeared to slow down and i've caught up on my press watching and i've had a chance to compile all of my political thoughts from the last couple of weeks.

when last we visited our heroine, senator clinton was coming off a sub-par performance in the philadelphia debate.

where do things stand now?

latest polls

hillary has slipped in the polls. no question. she saw an immediate slide after the philly debate and obama has finally shown some movement.

the latest kcci8 poll (november 12-14) shows the iowa race with hillary still in the lead at 27% but obama only two points behind at 25%. edwards is still showing strong at 21%.

for the first time, however, obama does lead in an iowa poll. a new abc/washington post poll of iowa voters has obama at 30%. hillary is four points behind at 26% and edwards is four points behind her at 22%. the poll has a +/- of 4.5 points. a statistical dead heat.

interesting thing about iowa, however. it's just about impossible to know who will win. polling is pointless, almost, because you never know who will show up at the caucus meetings. is it snowing that night? does someone have to stay home and watch the kids?

and time after time i hear pundits tell me most iowans do not make up their minds until they step into the high school gym.

but...obama's movement is troubling. trends mean something... and hill's team is obviously nervous. more national members of her campaign are arriving in iowa every day.

this could get interesting.

my new wet dream site

i've been meaning to look for a month or more... i finally did. http://www.realclearpolitics.com/

seriously...check this out. you can track national polls and state polls... all the major races. who's ahead in iowa? check it out. florida? take a look....

it shows trends... it provides links to interesting articles.

see for yourself... i can't get enough.

jefferson jackson day dinner

have you seen clips from obama's speech this past saturday night? it reminds me of the greatness he displayed at the 2004 democratic national convention.

if he could perform like this at a debate.... he'd be ahead in all the polls.

speaking o' the debate - or - knock out in vegas

as one member of the press put it: the bitch is back.

hillary delivered a stellar performance at the cnn las vegas debate last thursday night. she was strong and fought back when attacked.

roger simon of politico wrote: "she gave as good as she got. and those who tried to kick her stubbed their toes."

john dickerson of slate said: "well, that was a short death spiral." and went on to say: "clinton ran no risk of looking weak by talking about her gender, because she was kneeing her opponents in the groin."

when asked about playing the gender card, hillary had - perhaps - the best answer of the night: "i'm not playing the gender card, i'm trying to play the winning card." she went on to say, "they're not attacking me because i'm a woman. they're attacking me because i'm ahead."

huge applause... and the rest of the night just went her way.

edwards and obama tried to consistently attack hillary. but every time they swung, she hit right back.

after obama first attacked hillary she hammered back about his health care plan and how it wouldn't cover the populations of nevada, iowa, new hampshire and south carolina (i wonder why she picked those states?). obama loomed at first - then backed off. he can't look at her when she attacks, but she can look at him.

and an interesting thing happened about an hour into the debate - after a lot of the attacks had stopped - edwards tried to use his canned attack on hillary about lobbyist money. he was actually booed. obama was booed at one point, as well, when he tried to compare her to romney and giuliani.

i think this really frazzled them both and i'm not sure they recovered.

body language

once again...i just think hillary has the best body language. she is always engaged. always listening. others are scribbling down notes, shifting. but she's always listening and looking directly at the speaker.

when obama tried to defend his potential tax hike to help social security, he twice said "tax break." hillary came back and corrected him: "i think you mean tax increase, because that's what it would be." she listens.

after edwards gave his first attack - never looking at hillary but hillary looking directly at him - she delivered a great line about accepting "attacks on my record, on issues." but accused edwards of "slinging mud." you could tell it stung edwards... just the look on his face.

and there's a great camera angle from edwards at the edge of the stage to hillary delivering the line. in between them stood obama and dodd. as soon as she said "slinging mud" they both turned away from her and looked down. they didn't want any part of it.

smart move, boys.

driver's license stumble...again.

but fear not...this time it was obama. it was amazing how well he fucked up his response. all three responses he gave. the audience actually laughed at him twice....

byron york of the national review (yes, a republican) said, "obama's mistake was absolutely mystifying. a democratic strategist just said to me it's almost as if he had read her [clinton's] answer from the previous debate and thought it was the right thing to say."

amazing... surely somebody had prepped him for that question, yes?

okay...i could go on and on so let's skip to my quick hits from the debate:

• what was with all the pre-debate analysis during the beginning of the debate time? how many hours did cnn have beforehand? oh - that's right. 24 hours.
• edwards first statement of the debate was: "nobody on this stage is perfect." john, give it up.
• enough with the canned answers! richardson's first answer was so canned it was pathetic. and edwards' "is that a planted question" remark was so out of place it just fell flat. there was no laughter.
• the first question to biden was 10 minutes in. he was the first candidate besides obama, clinton and edwards to speak.
• 20 minutes in kucinich got a sentence into the conversation...but still no direct question.
• 28 minutes in - the first question went directly to dodd.
• 30 minutes in, wolf blitzer piggy-backed a question on unions to kucinich.
• 50 minutes in, kucinich is asked the first question initially directed specifically to him.
• john roberts asks some really good questions. maybe he should moderate a debate on his own?
• dodd gave a great response on teacher "merit pay."
• happy birthday, governor richardson. when you blew out your candles, i hope you wished for better stage presence.
• i still don't think obama should be allowed to make any comments on the iran vote when he didn't even bother to show up (and he gave such a weak answer to why he wasn't there. "umm... i was running for president." yeah - so are clinton, dodd and biden.)
• kucinich has it out for edwards. he nailed him all night long.
• richardson shut down kucinich light an annoying gnat when he told him to stop lumping him in with the other candidates. he's not in congress, he reminded dennis.
• kucinich was really angry this debate. came across more bizarre than usual.
• chris dodd has tiny feet.
• biden mentioned potential impeachment of bush if he invades iran.
• an hour and half in, kucinich mentioned impeachment.
• apparently obama watches nbc nightly news and saw brokaw's interview with warren buffett.
• the audience portion of the debate really dragged. lose it.
• dodd said "here" 25 times. i doubt he got 25 minutes worth of air time.

meet the press quote of the week (a catch up)

sunday, november 4th.

fred thompson was the guest for most of the hour. i liked him so much more in the hunt for red october and in the line of duty. it's great when he's playing an asshole... not just being one.

since ole pick-up truck fred is such a defender of the bush administration and the war in iraq, i found it particularly interesting when he said:

i don't think we should be armchair generals...when we have people on the ground who apparently now know what they're doing.

so...since the war began...we just now have people on the ground that know what the fuck they're doing? it's nice to know we wasted....how many years with dumbfucks running the show?

p.s. thompson has a very machiavellian view on foreign policy. he'd definitely rather be feared than respected.

sunday, november 11th

senator barack obama was tim's guest for the entire hour.

i think obama did well... but he certainly demonstrated that he can parse an answer just as well as the next politician. especially in his discussion of "precondition" vs. "preparation."

i found it interesting that he has the balls to say he can take lobbyist money and we should just all assume he can fight against the influence. why you and nobody else, sir?

i really wanted to make his quote of the week "i do not believe being gay or lesbian is a choice" because it's reassuring to know that even though he doesn't think us fags deserve equal marriage rights (only civil unions), at least he doesn't think we're all choosing to be this way. hmmm... then why do we not deserve equal rights "in god's eyes"?

but i loved his long summation of his campaign:

i have admiration for senator clinton. i think she's a fine public servant. the reason i'm running is because i think we're at a unique moment in history right now. the nation's at war, our planet is in peril. we've got a series of decisions that we're gonna have to make and i believe i can more effectively, than any other candidate in this race, bring the country together, overcome some of the same old arguments we've been having since the 1990's and that i can reach out to the republicans and independents more effectively...

i think he could have gone on for another ten minutes if russert hadn't interrupted him.

sunday, november 18th

just a quick interesting note from chuck todd about the debate and some interesting internal numbers concerning iowa polling.

i think the obama folks know they had a bad night. the edwards folks had a really bad night. and this is just one night, but if he starts fading too quickly...that's actually not good for clinton. the quicker this is a two person race, the better for obama.

apparently when asked about who their second choice might be...obama and edwards fare much better. if you're not voting for clinton first, you're probably not voting for her at all. so if edwards begins to fade greatly, the majority of voters will probably defect from him to obama. and in a tight race.... that's no so good for my hill.

but my quote of the week goes to ron brownstein of the national journal, who provided this nugget:

not a leaf will fall in the forest between now and iowa and new hampshire without obama and edwards looking for a way to make this into a contrast with hillary clinton because that is ultimately what you have to do against a frontrunner.

only 45 days until iowa.... anything can happen.

e.

Notes From All Over: Non-Political Edition

have you ever had one of those weeks.....?

jesus, i feel like i've had the shit kicked out of me and then smeared all over my naked, bloated body by evangelical harpies.

it all started this past thursday... actually, let me begin by presenting a touch of personal information on me...your beloved narrator.

i work at a non-profit. the specifics are not important but i will say that i work with lower-income, hiv+ individuals. the clients have very little most the time. the stage of the disease varies greatly.

this past thursday...an appointment ran late on a individual with a particularly bad case of an hiv-related illness. not only did the appointment keep much of the staff there late.... her transportation did not arrive until 6:30 that evening. i was the lucky person that got to stay. thank you, exempt-status!

i knew it was only the start of bad things to come.

fuck me, it's friday

friday was a motherfucker. plain and simple. i'm sure everyone has been reading about the outbreak of methicillin-resistant staphylococcus aureus, more commonly known as the drug-resistant staph infection, MRSA.

this is apparently running rampant in the medical facilities that treat high numbers of lower-income individuals. we can probably have an entire discussion on why this is more prevalent in facilities of this kind rather than those that gear themselves towards the wealthy.

but let's focus on me.

i'll be goddamned if one of my staff members didn't turn up with a swollen face friday morning that was diagnosed (85% certain) as MRSA later that afternoon.

well, we shut the clinic down and disinfected everything...wiping down every surface, doorknob, light switch and motherfuckin' pen.

my staff was freaked. i had to xerox timesheets so i could dispose of the "possibly-infected" timesheets that everyone had been using. individuals in other programs were freaked. friends i've seen over the past couple of days were freaked.

people! calm down and wash your hands! you'll be okay.....

it was a surreal afternoon that had me scrambling to not only allay the fears of my staff but ensure that this would not be a future problem.

we're pretty sure we've narrowed down how it happened...especially after a patient the staff member had seen last week appeared at our clinic again with a swollen face monday morning.

let's stay with monday

the majority of individuals that access services at our organization are fabulous people. but you get the occasional nut job.

i don't know if it's the medications or the anger towards the disease or the fact that there are simply people who are assholes out there... but from time to time... i'm paid to deal with them.

mind you...i have a request for proposal due to my development department by thursday, i have two simultaneous audits i have to prepare for that begin on tuesday, i'm still short a staff member and i'm still attempting to find time to train a new staff person at my very busy front desk.

but then we receive this voice message monday morning:

you can tell those stupid cunts [details removed to protect the innocent]... filthy, little wetbacks. they all need to go back to hell where they’re all living. and those sorry-ass preachers… wait till I make an appearance there in church next sunday. make those motherfuckers get down on the floor like dogs in heat.

yeah...he's a lovely man. the aforementioned new front desk person accidentally forwarded the message not to the intended recipient, but to the entire program. sufficed to say... we had some upset individuals on our hands.

there was upset staff to calm. pictures of the redneck bastard to pass around to make staff aware should he appear on campus. police reports... oh - and did i mention i had someone coming at 8 the next morning to audit 200 charts that i hadn't pulled yet?

but let's back up for a moment? where does that type of hate come from? i briefly dated this guy once...and by "dated" i mean screwed around with... that had this lovely sunflower tattoo on his shoulder. it was at that point he showed me the outline of the swastika he had attempted to cover up with the sunflower. beyond the utter horror my mother would have felt over me being in bed with a former skinhead... i couldn't imagine carrying on with someone that could ever feel that degree of hatred.

i don't understand it. cynicism and disappointment in the human race i understand... but not hate.

monday was another day i got out of work rather late.

short-staffed

so i have one employee slot still open and another vacant as he waits for the swelling of his MRSA-infected face to go down. tuesday is always a busy day.

i was pulling the remainder of charts for the audit. trying to find time to call back the woman i want to hire so i can set up a second interview.... i spent a good half hour talking a patient down from cussing out his elderly mother and feisty sister because the doctor says his blood counts are too low for the procedure he wants to have done... but we can do something else... but he really wants this... but sure... i have time... because i couldn't even leave for lunch because i was helping cover the front desk for lunches and then remembered i had to assist a doctor that afternoon because... oh, yeah! i'm short-staffed.

and this person wants to complain... and that person wants to complain.....

it is suddenly never-ending.

and i left work late again today.........

i still haven't had a chance to look at the RFP due to development on thursday, i still have charts to pull for one of the two audits that continue on tomorrow and the remainder of the week...

not to mention a shitload of other paperwork i'd like to have finished before i break for the day of the dead (i.e. thanksgiving).

let's pause here for a moment so i can grab another beer (it's too hot currently in houston for wine - which is another thing that really pisses me off right now. it feels like independence day in november).

non-work related bullshit

friday night was a birthday shindig for a coworker at a very posh, fag bar.

i haven't been out to the bars since august, i would bet. possibly july. i'm rusty... i'm fat... i just wanted a cocktail or two and see some friends.

but suddenly all of my female coworkers have to tell me they want to have sex with me and rag on my choice in footwear... "because you'll never pick up a guy in those flipflops."

i was comfortable...! and because any of those pencil thin, label queens were going home with me in the first place.

and why can't a guy give me the type of attention i'm getting from countless women at work, all of the sudden? i'm cursed... when i dated women - couldn't get the time of day. now that i date men - all i get is attention from women.

maybe i really have pissed god off by not believing in him.....?

for the family

as i've mentioned.... i have family joining me for christmas. well, i also have family joining me for thanksgiving. and i want everything to look nice and festive. i am gay, after all.

so i decided to use some of my birthday gift cards and do some shopping. top on my list - a groovy tablecloth for thanksgiving dinner and my new dishware (thank you, steven). and a bathmat for the newly remodeled bathroom. (don't get excited - my previous bathroom floor sank an inch away from the wall - the entire bathroom was falling apart. necessity. not luxury.)

so i get both...among other things.

the tablecloth is too short. the bathmat's green is too light. i'll have to take them back... but suddenly i've run out of time on saturday. (what happened on saturday...?)

so sunday i exchange the tablecloth and return the bathmat because i couldn't find the right shade. this time i took a towel for comparison.

so...i get home: this tablecloth is too long. waaay too long. i'm suddenly feeling like fucking goldilocks. so i have to schlep clear out of my comfort zone for the bed, bath and beyond that actually has the tablecloth i want in the size i need (fyi: it is impossible to find a simple, brown tablecloth).

but bonus! i find a bathmat.

guess what? this bathmat is too dark..... fuck me, i can't win.

and ya know... sunday night...after it was all said and done. i just wanted to go to bed and get a good night's sleep.

but, no!

i had to listen to my new, lesbian, upstairs neighbors finally discover each other's happy spots.

i don't know if this is true of all lesbians...and i like to think it isn't... but those were not lady-like sounds coming from upstairs.

i need a pretty, blue pill.... i need to sleep.

e.

Keep An Eye On...

barack obama.

while he's out there bashing hillary for not making records of her time as first lady in the white house available, he is also not the most forthcoming with his information.

lynn sweet of the suntimes has a column titled "obama record on transparency lacking. where are his state senate records?"

from the article:

An Obama spokesman, Ben LaBolt, last week declined to say where Obama's records from his years in the Illinois State Senate are located. There is no law mandating the state to archive the records. The records from Obama's office -- if he kept them -- would potentially show appointments with lobbyists, policy memos, meetings, etc.

the article also discusses his lack in naming names of his largest "bundlers."

http://blogs.suntimes.com/sweet/2007/11/sweet_column_obama_record_on_t.html

if the vote is so important

cnn is reporting that senator barack obama has missed more votes than any other democratic candidate.

from cnn:

Sen. Barack Obama has missed the most votes of any Democratic presidential hopeful in the Senate over the last two months, including a vote on an Iran resolution he has blasted Sen. Hillary Clinton for supporting.

The Illinois Democrat has missed nearly 80 percent of all votes since September.

i understand that as a front-runner you don't attack... but when obama is slamming you for your vote, why does hill not hit him for not even bothering to show up?

in fact, hill has missed less votes than obama, dodd and biden.

http://www.cnn.com/2007/POLITICS/11/02/obama.missed.votes/index.html

we're keeping an eye on you, barack.

e.

Breeder Weekend

every once in a while i find myself immersed in the world of breeders. and while i admit that i often wander into this straight world of my own volition, it's often driven by an uneasy sense of obligation.

i do not enjoy this world.

it is foreign to me.

straight people, in all honesty, queer me out a bit.

there are rituals i do not understand. phraseologies that are foreign to my ears and habits that give me pause.

my older brother's bachelor party at the "gentleman's club" which - let's be frank - exhibits nothing of a gentleman's nature.

the breeder pub where you are always certain to hear the brilliant diddy "margaritaville" or the ode to a certain "brown-eyed girl."

this weekend....the breeders....in all their absurdness... danced their heathen dance for me in all it's horrific splendor.

karaoke

nothing freaks me out more than talentless, drunken breeders reciting words to songs they really only know the chorus to.

it was my friend wolf's (real name) birthday. they began at a restaurant - nelore - that promised a "carnivore's dream." being vegetarian, i was spared the aroma of smoked flesh distributed via spit.

but the karaoke bar... that i could not dodge.

i think i can safely say that i've never been in the presence of more white men with less rhythm. looking back, i'm not sure how it was possible.

cute men... boys, really. furry ones, metrosexual ones.... men who in a few years may realize they like it up the butt.

but for tonight.... they were straight and singing country and rock and... could this be right? the backstreet boys?

i watched as they proudly puffed out their chests as they displayed the type of rhythm a child with m.s. may bang out on plastic tubs.

the ritual was....bizarre. i left that place and slept uneasy that evening.

katy, tx

cities have suburbs. suburbs have....katy, tx. katy is beyond the suburbs. katy is where serial murderers dump the bodies.

there is something unnatural about the suburbs. but katy just freaks me the fuck out.

i went in search of christmas bargains. i admit it.

my parents are spending the holidays with me and i feel a certain sense of duty to concoct a proper display of holiday cheer.

no nativity scene.... the baby jesus gives me the willies.... but seasons greetings for my mother and father.

our first stop was something called "gardenridge pottery." it appears to be an indoor flea market where inbred families meander about while looking at color-spastic creations for every conceivable holiday.

large women with even larger offspring.

men with A&M caps and cellphones clipped on to their belts.

i found some ornaments... but passed on the synthetic neon lime, popsicle orange and electric pink christmas trees.

kohl's was our next stop. i like kohl's. they existed where my parents live in wisconsin long before they carpetbagged it south. but still....those breeders. carrying their babies.... looking for bargains. wanting early bird discounts at 3 in the afternoon.

i couldn't concentrate... i used the bathroom twice... each time wishing i had not given up my cocaine habit oh so many years ago now.

the sports bar

now.... i'll be the first to admit i can enjoy a good sports bar. i prefer the restaurant/bar establishments... texadelphia being one of my personal favorites.

my brothers and i, along with their respective kellys, used to watch the annual aggie/longhorn game at the texadelphia down westheimer. what i liked most about this place was that the bathroom had television sets hung far about the urinals. while the straight boys watched the game... i watched the straight boys.

one memorable encounter found a handsome college stud looking at me after a particularly impressive replay and said, "god, a play like that really makes me wanna stroke one off."

believe me, my lovelies, when i say to you it took every ounce of restraint for me not to reply, "do you need some help?"

sally and i opted for the texadelphia on memorial.... not quite so seeped with college boys but still filled to the brim with hotties.

we went to watch the new england/indianapolis game. because when you're a texans fan... you occasionally want to watch a real game. all the hype and all the promise this game offered was fulfilled. this was football.

the colts dominated three quarters but fucked it all up with about ten minutes left in the game.

on a side note: i realize everyone wants to crown new england the greatest nfl team of all time... but let's relax, people. i heard chris collinsworth on nbc say that the colts did everything they needed to do in order to stop the pats but they still lost. well, my friend, i have two words for you: marvin harrison.

do you really think those initial passes to the endzone would have been flubbed by harrison? do you think he would have fumbled an important pass in the fourth quarter?

let's wait for the afc championship game.... foxsboro, kiddies. revenge is sweet.

anyway - back to the straight sports bar.

breeder mating rituals were in full estrus. have you noticed how women - especially of college and post-college age - seem to pull out all the tricks when attempting to attract other men?

their breasts are hiked up to jesus. their shorts or mini-skirts are short.... or jeans are tight.

i'm convinced this is from centuries of women being fed the bullshit that their lives are meaningless without a man. "you must marry to have any sense of identity." so they spend all their time obsessing over how to best attract a man and how to wrangle themselves a hubby.

in the meantime.... men just wanna fuck.

men know women have been brainwashed into thinking they're nothing without their hand placed in his back pocket. so they relax back in their chairs.... boot-clad feet outstretched before them. taking up as much room as possible as they swig back their bud light or miller lite, belch and whoop and holler at the game. their baseball caps strategically placed backwards on their heads.... missing the intention of the cap's bill to block out the rays of the sun.

but i love straight guys.... i do. let's be honest: they're hot.

i don't give a shit how dumb they are...if they can fill out a pair of jeans and flex a nice bicep, i like to watch.

and the crowd was into the game and the place erupted after great plays.... it was, in fact, a great sunday.

all in breeder hell. who knew?

non-breeder thoughts...sorta

these are my non-straight thoughts after the weekend. however, many of my friends would still say they're pretty damn straight.

• the texans actually defeated the oakland raiders this weekend with schaub on the bench at the start of the game. that makes houston 4-5 going into the bye. i'm really hoping they can make their way to .500 this year.
• lsu and texas are some lucky motherfuckers. both teams should have more losses than they do. the tigers, in particular, were lucky this weekend. and that shift attempt to pull the crimson tide offsides was just cheap football.
• go ducks! i want oregon to play for the national title. (don't tell my lsu-alum sister-in-law.)
• peter king's monday morning QB on sportsillustrated.com has become one of the highlights of my week. if you're a football fan and you don't read this column, do yourself a favor.
• i'm not eating enough vegetables. i can't seem to get enough chips, however.... not good - and my body is starting to revolt.
• i've decided my christmas colors are blue and silver. very classy, i think.
• i'm not sure how the situation in pakistan is going to play out - but it kinda scares the shit out of me. its estimated the country has 30 nukes.... if you don't think the leader of that country has great ramifications on this country, think again.
• brian williams was kinda funny on SNL. too bad SNL isn't very funny.
• i have to get rid of my leftover halloween candy... this is not a good situation for me.

okay...lots of hillary and campaign talk to come... but for now:

good night...and please, don't feed the breeders.

e.

Happy Halloween

Post Debate Analysis

well...it was an interesting, sometimes odd, debate this evening on msnbc.

i thought brian williams did a nice job of showing that his five nights behind the big desk has given him a wide range of information from which to mine questions.

tim russert continued to use quotes and statistics from the candidates themselves to frame his questions.

so who won? conventional wisdom says as long as hillary clinton doesn't make any major stumbles, she wins. but did she stumble? did obama draw the blood he promised in the times over the weekend?

let's break it down.

edwards wins
i think that was pretty clear... at least from my standpoint. he took the chris matthews approach and drew clear distinctions between himself and the front runner: hillary clinton.

his attacks were strong.... his distinctions clear.

he hammered and hammered and hammered away at clinton and took any spotlight away from obama.

will the attacks hurt him or help him?

i think his constant return to the theme of clinton's "double talk" may resonate. especially after something unforeseen happened with just a few moments remaining in the debate.

hillary stumbles
it was a simple question. only two minutes or so left in the debate. russert asked my girl about governor spitzer's plan to issue driver's license to illegal immigrants in new york. she said she supported his idea...or it seemed like a good plan.

then chris dodd went off....

then it happened. hillary backtracked and said she wouldn't necessarily support it.

why? why, hillary? you had this thing in the bag.....

edwards immediately pounced and said she just gave two different answers in a matter of two minutes. "double talk."

hillary had fended off attack after attack so well all night... she was particularly strong early in the evening. but as howard fineman of newsweek pointed out: she "came off like a politician."

a clinton stumble...... well, fuck me.

biden covered her ass a bit in the post analysis on msnbc saying she was clearly not decisive but held off on calling it "double talk."

amazing....

obama attacks...kinda
his attacks were there...but they were subtle. he had a particularly strong moment when he called out hillary to release all correspondence between she and bill clinton during his presidency from the clinton archives. he said we're coming out of the most secretive administration in history. americans want transparency. he also said if she's running on her experience in the white house as first lady - why not release the records?

it was a good point......

best line
no big surprise....joe biden. during a series of answers to a question about rudy giuliani doubting the experience of clinton and the other dem candidates.... biden said nobody is less experienced to run the country than bush but rudy giuliani.

then his great line: "rudy giuliani...there's only three things he mentions in a sentence: a noun and a verb and 9/11."

perfect.

most bizarre moment, i
first off...who knew shirley maclaine was a godmother to one of dennis kucinich's children? secondly, in all seriousness, russert asked kucinich about an episode maclaine recounts in her new book that he saw a UFO and it was a deeply moving experience for him.

kucinich? yep....he saw it. freely admits it.

jesus...the man can't win.

most bizarre moment, ii
bill richardson defended hillary. he said other candidates were acting "holier than thou" and the attacks were boardering on personal. he said he trusts hillary...but he disagrees with her on big issues.

that's where the debate should be, argues bill. save the attacks for the republicans... keep the democratic debate positive.

well done, sir. i hope you get the v.p. job (if obama doesn't want it).

best spontaneous moment
when asked if he believes in life beyond earth, obama chuckled and then said, "i don't know... but i do know there's life here on earth." and then went on about how we need to take care of people in the united states that have been ignored too long.

it was a strong moment... one of his best.

quick hits

• the first question went to obama - directly asking him about his plans to attack clinton.
• the next twenty minutes were spent on obama and edwards attacking hillary and she fighting them off.
• dodd also got in on attacking hillary. she handled it great...very strong in her answers.
• i still think hillary has the best body language. she's engaged when others answer. she nods and shakes her head. she smiles. i think it shows a great deal of confidence.
• the first question posed to bill richardson was 21 minutes into the debate.
• first question to kucinich? 22 minutes in.
• where was that ole kook, mike gravel?
• kucinich mentioned impeaching bush 3 times throughout the night.
• kucinich is very passionate about HR-676.
• bill richardson, bless him, just doesn't handle lightening rounds very well.
• this was clearly dodd's best performance in a debate.
• chris matthews clearly does not like hillary clinton and it's really starting to piss me off.

i'll probably have more later but, for now, i'm exhausted.

hillary...you're still my girl. now go clear up your stance on driver's licenses for illegal immigrants.

a state's issue.... causing hill to stumble....

who knew?

e.

Democratic Debate Drinking Game

you've been waiting for it... and here it is. at long last! my democratic debate drinking game. each player will need to pick a candidate. more than one person can pick the same candidate, but you should pick the candidate you plan to support.

first, however, i think we should set this thing up with some perspective.

recent polls

the latest la times/bloomberg national poll of democratic voters places clinton in the lead with 48% of the vote. obama trails with only 17% of the vote and edwards continues to bring up the rear with only 13%.

please note: obama is 31 points behind hillary.

the most recent university of iowa poll shows the potential voting in iowa as follows:

clinton 29%
obama 27%
edwards 20%
richardson 7%

richardson just can't seem to find any traction... but i think edwards is actually sliding in the must win state of iowa. the poll has a +/- of 5.5% but that still puts edwards out of even a statistical tie.

obama may be tracking up in the polls, but clinton does seem to be holding a slight lead.

gloves off?

perhaps this is why barack obama gave an interview to the new york times over the weekend where he promised to take off the gloves and start attacking hillary.

of course, he said the same thing back in august (i think) to the washington post.

i'm not sure attacking hillary now and abandoning his "politics of hope" will help at this point. doesn't it all just look desperate?

in fact....hill's camp has hit back to most attacks by edwards and obama by pointing out the desperation by the two camps who have appeared to stall in the polling.

i mean....let's look at edwards. he has attacked and attacked and attacked my girl. especially on lobbyist money. but as holly bailey of newsweek points out: "well, he's been saying this for months and it hasn't helped him in the numbers, poll-wise."

true, holly. so true.

so what does obama hope to gain? will this not turn off his NPR-listening supporters? is it too "politics as usual" for his crowd?

and will edwards possibly start attacking obama to try and take his legs out from underneath him? why shouldn't he go after both candidates leading him in the polls?

or will tonight be another all-against-one with everyone teaming up against hillary?

the media is practically begging for obama to attack hillary and draw blood? but will he ever land a real body blow?

and with that..... let's get to the game!

democratic debate drinking game rules

you may want to go ahead and call in sick for tomorrow now. i doubt tonight will be pretty. it's the first real debate everyone will be paying attention to and the candidates should be pulling out their full arsenal.

after all, only 65 days until iowa.

okay....once each person has picked their candidate... they must take a drink whenever the candidate uses any of the following words or phrases. it's that simple. your candidate utters these words, you chug my lovelies.

lets play!

hillary clinton: "leadership," "experience" or "girl."

any of these words....you drink, my fellow hillary supporters.

barack obama: "judgement" or any reference to hillary's vote on iraq or iran.

hell, you could probably get sloshed on the word "judgement" alone.

john edwards: "coal mine," "lobbyist" or any direct attack on hillary.

again...at the rate he's going: you could just go with "lobbyist."

bill richardson: "governor" or "as a governor i've done it."

or any discussion that "change and experience" come as a package with him. it might be fun to drink anytime he looks confused, as well.

joe biden: "truth" or "honest" (as in, "let's be honest" or "let me tell you the truth.")

you can also play for any time he goes off on troops dying and how he'll never vote to cut off funding as long as one american soldier is on the ground in iraq. you could also play with any mention of "body armor."

chris dodd: "here."

if you've ever heard the connecticut senator talk...trust me: you can get drunk simply playing with the word "here." the man uses it like punctuation. listen closely. you could get drunk after one answer from senator dodd when he's really worked up.

dennis kucinich: any time he finishes an answer with "that's what you'll get with a kucinich administration. thank you."

or any time he makes a joke about finally getting a question.

mike gravel: "follow the money."

and really...any time he goes off on some unintelligible answer....just drink. if you're voting for gravel, you're probably drunk anyway.

once the debate is over...you argue over who won. by now you should be well tanked so it should be a lot of fun. whoever is the last person standing or not in tears... wins!

enjoy.... and please: don't drink and drive.

leave that up to the cast of 'lost.'

e.