It Does the Mind Good

so last night i saw gus van sant's milk.

it is an extraordinary, moving, inspirational, devastating film...

i'm not always the best fag, but i know harvey milk... i knew a lot about harvey milk going into this movie. but i didn't know everything. and i wasn't old enough to remember him on the news or hear his inspirational, groundbreaking messages.

i have friends who remember him.... and how i'm envious of that memory.

but how i don't regret not having to suffer through his assassination at the hand of a homophobic bigot.

i've already stated that i hope the combination of this film with the passage of prop8 in california will serve as a wake-up call to homosexuals. no longer can we be content with our cocktails and go-go boys.

i have found myself very angry since the passage of prop8... and anger is not generally an emotion that comes terribly easy to me. i don't generally care enough for something to make me angry... i'm not generally surprised enough for something so hate-filled as prop8 to make me angry. i am a very accomplished cynic, after all.

and yet i'm angry.

last night i struggled to fall asleep as thoughts of milk consumed me. and i found myself asking questions of....myself.

what have i done? what can i do? does it make sense to stay in houston when there's obviously no chance of change for homosexuals coming any time soon? should i go somewhere i have a better chance of making a difference? or is it more important to fight in a state like texas because it is a tougher battle?

and i was angry at my fellow fags in texas who seem so complacent in the face of growing hatred and bigotry rearing up from grassroots efforts of the religious right.

have we just given up in houston? in texas?

the anti-prop8 rally i went to in san francisco saw 7,500 angry homosexuals out to protest. there were a couple of hundred in houston.

but my anger was not only towards my complacent, cocksucking compatriots.

i found myself angry at a brother who votes republican.... a brother who i believe loves me but doesn't care enough about the hatred i face every day to vote against those individuals that would strive to uphold that bigotry.

i was angry at the thought that certain family members may still not pass the final test of acceptance when i finally bring home that first boyfriend.

yes, my lovelies... now entering the latter part of my thirties, i've yet to find love.... and introduce a partner to my family.

my friend sally put it best when she said my homosexuality is still in the abstract with my family. it's easy to accept the wise-cracking, artistic faggot son when you don't have to watch him hold hands with his lover... or kiss his lover.

and i honestly don't know how they'll react. i think it will be hard.

my parents are children of the 40s and 50s.... very different times. for all their progressive strong points, mindsets from that period are still present. it wasn't easy for them when i dated an african american woman in college.

there are also conservative streaks in my brothers and their wives.... how will they handle it? will i be asked not to kiss my boyfriend in front of the children?

it's not every day a movie stokes this type of debate within myself.... but milk has shaken me.

i hope it shakes a lot of people.... we need to be shaken out of our slumber.

we need to make noise.

we need to make those who are uncomfortable.... uncomfortable.

we need to demand equal rights....

not separate but equal.

not tolerance. fuck tolerance. i don't need to be "tolerated" by anybody.

i don't need to be "accepted" by anybody, for that matter.

what i need is equality.

and if you haven't seen milk.... see it. and let's talk.

e.