Please Welcome to the Stage...

leah katharyn.

yes, my younger brother and his wife are officially the proud owners of a new rugrat.

leah was born this afternoon at 4:52pm (CST) weighing.... 8 pounds, 2 ounces. i think that's right... i'm not really sure what normal baby weight is or why everyone seems to care so much?

seriously? why is that always the first question? "how much does she weigh?"

does a lower weight mean something better than a higher weight? or vice versa? if she's heavier does it increase her likelihood of becoming a lesbian.... because seriously, ever since my friend steven told me every leah he's ever known was a lesbian.... that's my wish for my niece.

and i hope she becomes the first female QB in the NFL. that'll kick ass!

so.... let me see.... what am i missing? 8 pounds, 2 ounces. i've told you the name. she came out with a full head of light brown/blondish hair.... blue eyes (surprise, surprise) but "for now" as my brother informs me. baby has ten fingers and toes... (that's ten finger AND ten toes... so a total of 20 digits.) a healthy cry (again, not sure what that indicates).

mother's good. i'm told she's tired and sore (um, ya think?). father is frazzled.

so, ummm....yeah. congratulations, brother & sister!

mazal tov!

e.

Don't Say the Zed-Word!

did you see the zombies making the rounds this morning during their broadcast debut?

just after sunrise it seemed every morning show introduced a trio of hollow-eyed, gingham-clad, french-twisted moms from the polygamist sect of eldorado, texas. and their mousy, drowsy speech just gave me the heebie jeebies something awful. (the feeling lasted well into my morning kashi.)

i'm not sure what's up with the little ladies of la-la-land but i swear liquid valium runs through their veins.

but there they were! blankly staring out from good morning america and today.... the undead church mice squeak-squeaking this and that about how unfair it is to take their children and how they love their children and how normal a world without google and grey's anatomy must surely be...

really...? i mean, shit! i'm freaking out just after a few months without meredith and mcdreamy so i'm not sure what the fuck they're talking about.

and if you notice they couldn't answer certain questions about how young a child can be for marrying-age and i doubt anyone copped to any good-ole fashioned corn-holin' goin' on in the chapel.

but awww.... look how innocent and pathetic and victimized all these women look... squeak-squeak...

grow a backbone, ladies!

i mean....i'll confess a confliction over the fact that 400 of your children were taken from you. and hey...i believe your fanatical rugrats have the right to whittle their own jesus-voodoo dolls and coagulate their curds of whey as much as the next little resident of cuckootown.

but you kinda lost your right as mothers when you allowed the men in your church to baptize the children with their throbbing members.

oh sure... perhaps the government could've sent dateline's chris hansen in beforehand to see if he could diffuse the situation... and maybe the all-out raid was a bit extreme...

but so is a communal bed that all the men stand around spankin' the donkey while they watch the latest boy who's balls have dropped sodomize the newest girl that's had to take carrie to the prom (yes! i found a way to get that phrase in my blog!).

i'm all for freedom of religion... or, more pointedly, freedom FROM religion.

but you ladies creep me the fuck out!

stop letting your church elders and husbands push you around and stand up for yourselves and your rugrats...

and don't forget that god is also a member of the patriarchy and you don't have to stand for his bullshit anymore. especially if that includes offering up your little one's naughty bits every time daddy starts a pantin' fit.

there might just be something a little off with your theology there, loves.

and cut your hair! i'm thinking a sassy shag....

e.