Notes From All Over: 1 Year Anniversary Edition

well, gearing up for this blog went about as well as my work week. i'm fighting off a headache and it was like pulling teeth to get suggestions.....

but here we all.... happy anniversary, my lovelies.

seems like i should start with some deep, philosophical thoughts on blogging and life... but who am i kidding? it's all just self-delusion. we assume others are interested in our thoughts... our insights. and - for some of us - we kinda get lucky.

i personally find the entire process a great exercise. in writing classes they always said "keep a journal." well, welcome to the modern era's version of a journal. we just happen to put it all out there for the world to read. (if they're interested.)

every once in a while.... you stumble over a great fucking blog like sister epiphenita's. sometimes you'll stumble across a blog that's maybe a nice diversion from the monotony of the work day.

and sometimes you just have some half-in-the-bag, aspiring writer fag typing at the wheel... like me!

so.... to the questions? this is a "special request edition" after all.

what are your career plans for the next five years?
to get the hell out of dodge.

most days...i love my job. actually, that's a lie. most days, these days... i hate my job. i have for over a year now. i still love the work we do and the people i work with (most of the time). but i'm ready for a change. in a couple of weeks i hit five years at my current job. i want to focus more on my writing. in five years... i'd honestly like to be writing full time.

why did you stop writing?
this is in reference to that six year period where i produced nothing. in the late nineties.... i felt i was on the brink here in houston. people were starting to know my name... my productions in the albee workshops went over really well.

then circumstances changed. the last play i had written was very personal and i felt a bit beaten up afterwards....so i took a break. then a friend moved in with me in my one bedroom apartment. then a brother. then another friend. i suddenly had no privacy.... and i couldn't write with someone around. then i moved into a two bedroom... but i worked two jobs and didn't have the energy or the time.

then i moved back on my own.... and, really, i've been writing ever since. i'm forcing myself to find more time.... and i'm really taking steps to make this my career at this point. but we'll see.

i'm writing now.

why don't you hate people anymore?
hate is such a strong word.... i still have little faith in people. i still think people are basically assholes. but i'm trying to let go of some of the negativity that has dragged me down the past several years.

i just don't believe in being ugly to people... no matter how much i wish they would drop off a cliff.

oh - and growing out of the hip, misanthropic, salinger darkness comes with maturity.

i like to think i'm growing.

why haven’t you been seeing my husband lately? (he keeps touching me and wanting affection)
in all honesty.... i grew tired of his tiny penis. (latinos! i know!) best of luck!

is this too many question?
never.

if you could sit anywhere in the world to write your next play, where would it be?
ideally.... in new york city where i've just had a triumphant debut... or in europe. i think that i would thrive in europe.

but as it stands... i'm sure i'll be writing it here. luckily, i have laptop and will travel. i'd love to do some writing on my autumnal vacay.

what's your favorite moment(s) during the writing process?
after my long drought of completing anything of full-length in a long time... this past time my favorite moment was when i typed "curtain." it's an amazing feeling when you've completed your work.... and it was a great fucking feeling.

but usually...and i probably use this answer a lot....it's when my characters take me some place i wasn't expecting. when a scene changes on its course mid-creation and takes me to the place it's meant to go.... surprises while i write make me smile. it's one of my greatest joys.

and tell us about pivotal moments of your life. you know, moments when the fog cleared and you suddenly understood something that you hadn't understood minutes before.
oh christ... this one is probably a toughie. there are the usual: finally admitting to myself i was gay. losing the allusion of god and heaven and hell.

i remember the first time i realized people could be fake. a teacher in the 6th grade had died and everyone was always so awful to her. they spoke badly about her, called her names. she had been out dealing with her cancer treatments and when we got word that she had died... the same people who had been bad-mouthing her broke into tears. i couldn't believe how insincere it all felt.

i remember my first middle school dance when i asked a girl i was close friends with in elementary school (best of friends) to dance and she laughed in my face and ran off. that's the moment i knew things would be different. that i wasn't one of the "chosen" crowd and never would be.

i remember watching victor/victoria and first hearing the word gay... and thinking "i finally have a word for it."

there are a lot of other moments that are truly too personal to put out on the web... but we shall discuss this sometime....

congratulations (by the way). i sit here flustered and unable to type more. and oddly melancholy as moments from my past swirl about my mind.

we'll talk....

please take a break from being vegan...i'm running out of recipes.
this past week has been so shitty i've needed some comfort food and i've slipped a few times. but i'm sure i'll slip again on saturday for steven's birthday.

just don't ever ask me to stop being vegetarian.... that'll never happen! LOL

don't you think that demonizing all republicans, straights, suburbanites, etc. is ultimately sloppy, oversimplistic logic that prevents us from moving forward?
i do... and we'll get to steven's question in a minute. (rim shot, please!)

i believe that too often all sides work in generalities. we lump all peoples together based on our perception of that segment around us. let's be honest - i think it's human nature.

and i admit that i do this often... but, in my humble defense, i use it more as humor.

but i also think people have strong beliefs and will fight against anyone who stands between those beliefs. mccain NOT being a maverick is a perfect example. the media wants to paint him as something beyond a typical republican, but he's not.

just like obama is nothing more than a typical politician.

but i do think you're right that once we start lumping everyone together and stiffening our spines to always say "no" whenever someone different from us even begins to broach a subject, we begin diminishing ourselves and the public conversation.

unfortunately.... there will always be bigots and racists and sexists and homophobes. we just have to learn to rise above it.

but fuck me... sometimes it's nice to go off on these simple-minded bastards!

will you do an informal survey with all your friends (and theirs) about this african-american men have bigger dicks theory?
i'm already developing the survey for mass distribution.

i would love to hear your viewpoint on the gentrification of montrose or other highly gay ghettos like the castro or new york's meat packing district.
i do love it when questions piggyback.

it's unfortunate. i wish i could say it shows a progress towards integration of all social classes and sexual proclivities... but it doesn't. the homosexuals come in... clean the place up, make it groovy again.... and then the breeders come in and take over.

now... after the last question i'd like to be careful about once again generalizing. but i do know that there was a time in montrose (that's houston, texas for my international readers!) when you would NEVER see a george bush sticker. but now you do.

the problem stems from conglomerates coming in and rising the cost of rents and land and the small business owners can't afford it. i remember when crossroads (the first gay book store (legitimate book store) that i ever went to) had to close down because of the cost of a new lease.

the lure... one of my favorite bars in nyc closed it's doors because the upper crust were moving in and making everything too expensive.

remember when the gap moved into the montrose? i knew our days were numbered. i remember seeing a pottery barn open in the castro. reading stories about the families that had moved into the castro and suddenly wanted the dildos removed from the shop windows.

it's wrong and it's sad that we're losing part of our identity. but as long as the gays care more about their waist size, their next hollister shirt and where their next cocktail is coming from.... how can we stop it?

the 'mos in montrose don't care about politics. they don't care about the changing landscape. until we get more involved.... how can any of this change?

it's easy to bitch and moan about the changes but until we stand up and speak out... until we start fighting to save landmarks and the identity of our neighborhood.... it will change.

i wish to vishnu it hadn't changed so much.... and i hate that the lure will never be there for me to make out with a hot bartender again (oh yeah... i had to mention making out with a hot, nyc bartender... good story!). and when i return to san francisco this fall... i'm afraid of what might have changed.

but get involved. start petitions.

saving the landmark movie house. stopping ashby highrise... these are strong examples of movements that have stopped the change to our neighborhood (or those surrounding). but those were not spear-headed by fags or dykes.

get involved. vote. make a difference.

make some noise.

but always while respecting others... do not let them take away a part of your soul by reacting to their ignorance.

read up on one of my heroes: mahatma gandhi.

change can happen through nonviolence and through building a movement.

namaste'.

and thanks for a great first year!

e.