Oh, the Ego! the Insanity!

yesterday i attended my state senate district's convention. senate district 13.

as previously discussed.... i'm sad to admit that i no longer see a path to the nomination for hillary. (unless something happens with michigan and florida.)

HOWEVER...i pledged myself as a delegate and i continue to support her....so i attended.

allow me to digress for just a moment: i watched several of the morning talk shows this morning and everyone seems to be reaching the same conclusion: while there appears to be less and less of a chance for hillary to win the nomination, there is no reason for her to drop out just yet.

i can go round and round in my head debating this idea but i like the conclusion that as long as hillary is winning states...why not stay in? if she loses indiana or north carolina... then drop out.

but the pundits also agree (once again reading my blog, i see) that it's all fine and dandy with everyone staying in the race as long as the rhetoric is quashed.

i see no problem with letting every thing run its course. one person even made a huckabee analogy...which i'm loathe to repeat but will. hillary can stay in the race until the race is truly over...but it all must remain dignified.

every one's approval rating will survive if we can keep this whole process adult (as in grown-up, not triple-X).

having said all of this.... the fucking obamaphiles are a bunch of fucking children!

i was all geared up for my senate district convention yesterday. i had a voicemail of hillary's recorded voice asking for my support again. a shitload of emails reminding/encouraging me. and i even listened in on a conference call with bill (live and in person) on thursday!

so i was ready...

and we got there and it was orderly... and we gathered - us hillary supporters from precinct 39 - and signed in and made calls to ensure all of us were present to sign in. and all 19 were there.

and mayor bill white spoke (state senate district 13 is a major fucking district, my friends. feel free to touch me and bow at my feet) and our state senator rodney ellis made some remarks.

and everything was going well...

our hillary supporters met with the obama supporters from precinct 39 and we knew how things would work out. we had 3 delegates to send to state... obama would get 2 (he had 27 precinct delegates) and hillary would get 1 (we had 19, as i said).

and much like our precinct voting... no ugliness. no name-calling.... manners. civility. union.

we agreed on 2 obama delegates and 1 hillary. 2 hillary alternates and 1 obama. very fair.

we then broke up into our hillary group and obama group.... nominated our delegates and alternates. again - very fair. i was proposed as an alternate but ceded to others who have been involved longer.

and then the entire district met again and agreed to the compromise and introduced our delegates to each other.

and the obama delegates thanked us. they thanked the hillary delegates for keeping the process civil and for making everything move smoothly without any ugliness.

we watched other precincts fight... get ugly. there was never any of that with our group.

and i will be honest, my lovelies. i fought back tears. i was touched when they thanked us. and we thanked them....

and i'll tell you why....

the entire day started off well. democrats coming together to help nominate who we hope will be the next president of the united states.

the party leaders spoke to our common beliefs and values and ideologies as democrats. and reminded us that we all want the same thing... and we are together... no matter what... we are democrats.

if hillary is the nominee... we ALL need to back hillary. if obama is the nominee... we ALL need to back obama.

and there was thunderous applause.

and then sheila jackson lee took the stage. for those of you unfamiliar with ms. lee - she is a united states congresswoman from my district. she is an african american. and she is one of hillary's national co-chairs.

she took the stage and the obama flock booed her. not lightly... booed her overwhelmingly.

my fellow delegates looked at me... we all adore sheila. you see her every year in red at the state of the union... right on the aisle.

"are they booing her?" they asked.

it was shameful. democrats booing another democrat because she backs someone else.

but ms. lee took it in stride. clearly someone apologized to her on stage or said something about the booing...but without holding the microphone far enough away from her mouth you heard her say, "hey...if you can't take the heat, you need to get out of the kitchen."

you go, girl.

and she waited... and she told the crowd: "it's okay. i'll wait for you. i am here to serve you. i can wait." and they booed. and she said again, "it's okay. i will wait for you. i serve you. i can wait."

woman's got my vote.... that's all i'm saying. (oh - and i got to shake her hand... she was very nice.)

i met some other women who told me that sheila jackson lee has actually received death threats because of her support of obama and that the african american community is actually looking for a way to unseat her because of their feelings of betrayal.

heartbreaking.... after all her years of service.

but it leads me to a bigger point: the obama supporters can't conceive of anyone other than their messiah being president. you're a traitor... a moron if you support anyone else.

while looking through photos the other week, i found this photo with an obama shirt that shows the faces of barack and hillary with the words "bros before hoes" under it.

i was livid.

the shirt perfectly illustrates the chauvinistic and insulting nature of some obama supporters.

not to mention the gall and fanaticism.

as the convention went on yesterday and the results of the credentials committee were voted on... you had clear-obama supporters on the stage arguing against the "majority report" findings of the committee and offering their "minority report."

this is all legal and the way it works.

but the committee looks at challenges to delegates and decides...these are valid and these are not... probably because it's the wrong district or they voted twice... many reasons. and then they're disqualified.

but the woman with the mic kept saying "we move that senator obama gets BACK his five delegates!" like we stole them... not that they're fraudulent.

and then they steamrolled forward with votes... ignoring points of order and other motions on the floor.

and nothing was explained until it was time that clinton delegates were being discounted. then we got the full explanation of "lawyers from both camps have looked over these rolls for the past three days and those findings are reflected in the majority report."

but up until then.... NO! hillary's team was fucking over the obama delegates. we were the cheaters!

and we were outnumbered. and they were cheering and screaming when voting "yay" or "nay" before we moved to a non-screaming vote but a standing vote...

but they still screamed. and the woman on stage was jumping up and down and cheering people on to stand up for obama.

and then a motion was made to call for "no cheerleading" on the stage but by the time the chair finally moved to act on the motion... the obama delegates were all seated as the crowd chanted "yes we can! yes we can!" after each vote.

"yes we cheat" is more like it, i told my fellow delegates.

and there was such ugliness in the unfairness of it all... and how vile the hillary supporters are for standing up for what the committee found as legitimate and yet how egotistical the obama supporters are in their belief that all things are good as long as they benefit obama.

but we hillary supporters had to sit back and watch as the democratic process was fist-fucked up the ass without the benefit of elbow grease or even a little crisco.

i know people who went into the convention yesterday ready and willing to support obama come november but now feel disgusted by what they experienced via the obama delegates inside that TSU gymnasium.

i am a democrat... i will vote for obama come november.

but i feel less and less willing to donate and volunteer for his campaign. the ego of the candidate and his followers just continues to turn me off.

and i hope hillary stays in it.

i still say it's probably time for us to accept the facts... but fuck the obama supporters! you're assholes.

we are supposed to all be democrats. standing together against the GOP and mccain.

shame on you for your behavior. for your ego. for your small-mindedness.

you made me ashamed of my party yesterday. and i'm not sure i can forgive you for that.

don't ever make me ashamed of my party.

al gore '08!

e.

p.s. i'm still hoping to be an at-large delegate to the state convention... but my chances are slim. there were nearly 4,000 individuals at our convention yesterday. but one woman said me and this other guy had a good chance because we were both white men under 35 in a heavily older, african american district.

i added: "i also got that whole fag thing going for me."

i think i shocked some people. but oh well.

it's true.

Is It Time...?

oy vey! this meshugana election will be the death of me yet....

i have so many contradictory feelings this week... i'm trying to sort them all out and i seem to come up with one consistent question.

the problem remains... i inevitably end up debating the one honest answer against the one bargaining answer.

the question is simple: is it time for hillary clinton to drop out of the campaign?

i realize obamaphiles have long felt she should. i continue to hark back to the fact that he has won twice as many states yet only leads slightly in the overall count.

the problem arose last friday after mike allen and jim vandehei of politico wrote the article "story behind the story: the clinton myth" in which they vivisect the clinton campaign.

One big fact has largely been lost in the recent coverage of the Democratic presidential race: Hillary Rodham Clinton has virtually no chance of winning.

Her own campaign acknowledges there is no way that she will finish ahead in pledged delegates. That means the only way she wins is if Democratic superdelegates are ready to risk a backlash of historic proportions from the party’s most reliable constituency.

and thus opened the flood gates.

david brooks of the times wrote "hillary clinton’s presidential prospects continue to dim. the door is closing. night is coming."

he goes on to reference the allen/vandehei article and a clinton insider that suggested she has about a 10% chance of winning the nomination. mr. brooks now puts that number at 5%.

chris cillizza of the fix quotes conference calls with wolfson and singer of the clinton camp and their determination to swing the story to superdelegates overturning the current wave based on "electability." but mr. cillizza, who is as wise as he is yummy, reminds us that superdelegates are mostly elected officials who are politicians looking out for numero uno. they'll follow the tide.

so the question begs to be answered: should hillary clinton drop out?

it pains me...but the answer is yes.

and yet the inner-turmoil continues. i attend senate district thirteen's convention this weekend and i will support my hillary.

and my argument has long been that if hillary can win the popular vote, she can then make the case she deserves the nomination. after all.... most dems are still stinging from the popular vote being stolen from al gore in 2000 by the electoral college.

and yet something happened over the past two weeks.... michigan and florida will not re-vote. their delegates...their votes... they will not count.

without florida and michigan... hillary cannot win.

as gail collins of the times wrote today:

The genius that is the Democratic Party has somehow managed to create a system in which two candidates can run for five months in all 50 states and neither one can possibly win enough delegates to clinch the nomination.

but as ms. collins goes on to point out in the ongoing struggle to seat delegates:

There isn’t a right or wrong to this argument — only strategy. Obama didn’t overexert himself to help find a way to let Michigan and Florida re-vote because it wasn’t to his advantage. And while ending the negativity would be nice, the Obamaites would mainly like to call a halt because they don’t want to risk something weird and undesirable happening. Hillary plans to continue in the hope that the weird and undesirable will occur.

but the media does not want to focus on the obama camp's unwillingness to recast votes in michigan and the ever-important state of florida.

instead they focus on hillary's hope in something "weird or undesirable happening" (another reverend wright?) and her gawdawful insistence on staying in the race.

i mean... the nerve!

but the damage is starting to stick. the latest nbc/wallstreet journal poll show hillary's personal approval rating dropping significantly. those that hold a negative view of her have reached 48% (the highest in that poll since march 2001). just 37% of respondents have a positive view of hillary....down from 45% two weeks ago.

meanwhile...obama's positives remain constant at 49% which means he has weathered the reverend wright firestorm.

and as i've mentioned earlier... i don't think the controversy will hurt him in the democratic primary... but i still firmly believe it will damage him far worse than predicted in the general.

but i have not mentioned my bargaining answer. if hillary wants to stay in the race... and if she continues to win in the upcoming primaries....as she most assuredly will in pennsylvania.... she should stay in. why not let the process run its course?

however...the negative attacks must end on both sides. both camps must speak only to the issues... they can draw contrasts...but both must remain above the fray.

continuing the attacks only embolden the republicans and supply them ammunition for the fall.

and as the recent polls show.... they only hurt hillary in the long run.

i have friends who can only focus on what hillary and her surrogates have said recently. never mind obama's willingness to stifle the voices of two voting populations or his surrogates' cheap shots, including the one aimed at bill clinton's reputation being "soiled worse than monica lewinsky's dress."

yeah...that's a clean shot.

no... the media only focuses on the attacks from hillary's side of the ballgame. after all... the male-dominated newsmedia of the hearst, murdoch and clearchannel ilk fear a strong-willed woman as much as the rest of this patriarchal country.

but having said all this...i still don't see hillary winning without a re-vote in florida and michigan.... and that looks next to impossible.

but if she remains in the race, she must maintain her dignity.

she must solidify her reputation so that she can return to the senate and wield power in that motherfucker so well that robert caro one day writes a book about her.

but if june 1st comes... puerto rico passes.... and she remains below in delegates and popular vote.... she must drop out.

no convention fight.

as my father says, "mccain will slip right into the presidency while the democrats fight amongst themselves."

in all honesty... with my blanche dubois paper lanterns smashed to the ground... the race is over for hillary.

what everyone must do now is act in a fashion that's best for the party.

i continue to believe barack obama is not best for this election. i still think the GOP and mccain will eat him alive in the fall.

and i believe mccain will win in november.

but in order to come back in 2012. in order to maintain the seats we currently have in congress and win even more... we most coalesce as a party and fight together in the months ahead.

blind idealism and an overwhelming desire to believe in hope may lose us the white house in november... but it is what our party is supposed to be about and we must move forward as one.

obama will have my vote. hell, i may even volunteer for him.

but my heart will always belong to hillary. and i will cast one last vote for her this saturday.

but i am no blind idealist. i am a realist. and hillary has lost.

it's time we face facts.

i just hope everyone can come together in november and give the dems a fighting chance to sit in the oval office come next year.

but only time will tell.....

in the meantime: if you pray...pray. or send positive thoughts out into the universe. rub your buddha's belly till you're sore. but hope that there is no other reverend wright. nor a terrorist attack on our country between now and november.

if these events unfold...we have no shot at all with obama topping the ticket.

but i am a democrat and i will vote democrat.

i hope the other dems will, as well.

obama '08. goddammit.

e.

The Royal F@#k Up: 5 Years Later

today marks the fifth anniversary of the invasion of iraq.

i thought it might be a good time to look back and see how well we've done so far....

some stats for you:

total amount the bush administration told the american people the iraq war would cost: $60 billion.

actual cost of the iraq war to date: $608 billion.

number of american soldiers killed: 3,991.

number of american soldiers wounded: 29,451.

number of american amputees: 1,031.

number of iraqis killed: 1,189,173.

just thought you should know.

happy anniversary, mr. president.

e.

Just Give It To Obama Already!

grrrrrrr... AAAARGH!

AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

i can’t! i can’t do it! i can’t stay quiet anymore...

i have to talk politics!

i tried to be good. buddha help me, i tried. i talked about tits, for chrissakes! but it's just too much... i have to say something.

let's just stop all the bullshit and give the nomination to barack obama! for the love of judy! just give it to him....

clearly, hillary can't win this thing.... how can she fight against obama and all the prostate-massaging love the media is giving him?

how can she argue against all the wide-eyed optimism the obama camp is spooning the electorate and that the media slurps up like amy's non-chicken chicken noodle soup?

i even heard that fucker chris matthews last night bring on pundits arguing that the big wins hillary has won are all due to radio fuckwads on the right asking GOP-sheep to cross over and make her the nominee.

no, no... we can't believe that hillary actually won these big, important states. no... she only won because the idiocy that is rush limbaugh made the republican faithful cross sides in order to vote in hillary.

the media won't even allow hillary to have her legitimate wins without pissing all over them!

oh...and everyone jumping on this geraldine ferraro-bashing bandwagon... accusing her of racism when she was clearly having a discussion over race. not racism... race.

big difference, people!

and i find it sad that two very important - and obviously very relevant - subjects cannot be breeched in this country without someone being called a racist.

race and gender remain a problem in this country.... and both sides are using it.

and both sides should be ashamed at how they are using these issues.

i don't think anyone that is truly paying attention can blame everything on the hillary camp. (although i strongly admonish her for saying mccain's experience makes him a stronger candidate than obama. that was balls-out shitty.)

but i also think the obama camp has been brilliant in playing out the race card and somehow blaming hillary's side. again... big difference between discussing race and making racist statements.

hillary's camp...in all honesty...has suffered most from one brain-numbingly idiotic decision after another. she is far better than her campaign.

obama is probably better than his campaign.

but it's all politics. it's all politics as usual. and anyone who thinks obama and his crew are immune from politics.... well, that's what's driving his campaign, isn't it?

the blindness of hope.

yes, yes... obama has seen some bad press lately.

but after a weekend...possibly a week...of actual tough questions - the press actually vetting obama (saints preserve us!) - they are back in his corner...

for those individuals who have recently returned from pluto where they no longer receive television and radio transmissions since being undubbed a planet.... barack obama gave a speech yesterday.

and it was a remarkable fucking speech.

i won't go so far as to say it's a greater speech than king's "i have a dream" (as some in the obama-lovin' media have declared) but it was a whopper of a speech. one that should probably be examined and taught for years to come.

but the speech would have been all the more impressive had it not been necessitated by recent revelations. had obama’s poor judgment over the past 20 years in blindly following a fanatic not come to light.

or... had the speech not been given by a politician. and obama is a politician. and a special class of politician: one seeking the highest office in the land... an office he seemed inevitable to win before these new revelations have put his candicacy into question.

his speech was filled with the type of moving rhetoric that could bring people to tears. hell, hearing obama say "anger over welfare and affirmative action helped forge the reagan coalition" made me so proud in it's justified condemnation that i felt a tug in my nether regions.

and who among us can remain uninspired after he uttered the words "this union may never be perfect, but generation after generation has shown that it can always be perfected."

but the main thrust of his "not this time" message simply boils down to politics: a vote for obama is a vote to show we have made progress in licking the racial wounds of the past. your vote is the gooey goodness of neosporin over our racial bumps and burns.

yes, you too can nullify all your past racist statements and prejudices by casting a vote for barack obama.

and most of the liberal media has granted him their clemency.

the times, the post and many other papers reeked this morning with the pungent aftermath of their editorial blow jobs.

i can only imagine maureen dowd repeatedly and enthusiastically spanking her clit as she watches obama's speech over and over again on her DVR. the ejaculate beautifully composed into her latest edification of the obama campaign.

but just a few channels over, fox news...the hub of republican bile... decried obama had not done enough.

forgive me as i quote sean hannity:

What if Barack Obama, for the entire year that the MoveOn media out there has ignored any scrutiny of him, and they've gone along with the bumper sticker of change and the slogans. What if he really deep down in his heart thinks like Pastor Wright?

Is that dangerous for this country? I think that would be dangerous. That would mean we would have -- if he agreed with Wright, and I don't know that he does, but if he did, that would mean a racist and an anti-Semite would be president of the United States.

the right-wing media has shown no inclination towards letting this story go, my friends.... fox news has been repeating the reverend wright on a continuous loop since the ego that is sean hannity claims he broke the story.

and yet the sycophantic followers of obama will eagerly gobble up any pabulum the campaign continues to lactate into their gaping pie-holes and blindly ignore any of the real problems that face their moveon.org messiah.

this unquestioned loyalty towards obama may very well win him the democratic primary. liberals are obviously willing to accept him at his word over the reverend wright... and accept his rejection of the "offensive phrases."

and we should.

let me be clear on this. i do not condemn obama for any relationship he may have developed with his pastor. i firmly believe religion should stay as far away from politics as fox news stays away from the truth.

i do not believe obama is a secret muslim who believes the ludicrous claims of his "old uncle" that have been circulating youtube over the past week.

liberals are smarter than that... and are more willing to be caught up in his soaring rhetoric than divisive innuendo.

and all this may usher obama towards his coronation in denver.

but the rest of america.... the republicans and the independents... the working class white men. they will not forget the reverend jeremiah wright. they will not forget michelle obama’s "for the first time in my adult life i’m proud of my country."

they will continue to circulate the emails that claim obama doesn’t pledge allegiance to our flag and refuses to wear an American flag lapel pin... and these symbols mean more to certain individuals than the constitution upon which the freedoms we have to express ourselves as we see fit have been created...

and they will vote for mccain. "the true patriot." "the american hero."

and obama will lose the election for the democrats in november... and the old idiom will once again ring true: the democrats snatched defeat from the jaws of victory.

rezko, wright... these are two examples from an unknown candidate’s past that now play 24 hours on fox news and taint every headline on every conservative blog.

it's time the democrats put their feelings about each candidate aside. we have two spectacular candidates who differ infinitesimally on the issues.

the dems need to look at what’s best for the party as a whole.... no more surprises for the republicans to swiftboat our candidates with.

take mccain's foreign experience away from him as a benefit by matching his with hillary’s time on the senate armed forces committee and, yes, as first lady.

take away the argument from the republicans that "if obama had been president saddam would still be in power." yes... hillary’s vote hurts her in the primary election, but it takes away a republican talking point in the general.

is any of this fair? fuck no! but it’s politics.... and if you think anything between hillary and barack has been ugly... just wait. your delicate, little heads might burst come the fall.

unfair, rovean tactics will be used against the democratic candidate in the fall... and it will get nasty as the GOP attempts to cling to the power they now hold in D.C.

at least with hillary, we know what’s coming... we’ve been fighting it since ’94.

she's tested. she's a scrapper. she's ready to fight the republicans and needn't worry about tipping the pedestal created by the liberal literati that has thrust obama into prominence.

remember that just because obama wants to change washington doesn’t mean the republicans will happily fall in line.

with all things being equal... with both candidates possessing so much talent, compassion and similar, progressive ideologies.... why risk a given inauguration with the unknowns lurking deep (or not so deep) in a non-vetted past?

and one other point I’d like to make... obama spoke in detail about blacks and whites understanding each others anger and resentment and to accept the feelings of both sides as holding some level of legitimacy.

(personally... i think the african american community has a fuckload more to be pissed off about than us honkies...)

but obama and his flock must also hold that true to themselves... there are legitimate claims and arguments against his candidacy. they cannot backhand bitch-slap, ignore and write off all debates as racist or "politics of the status quo."

you have weaknesses, sir. and there are differences...

and you also have strengths. and hillary has strengths.

and i think it is important to all democrats to accept the point and not argue the fact.

please, senator obama... tell your followers.

coda
as i'm about to click the button to publish this post... i fear bias. i fear unfair attacks. fuck... i fear i sound like a republican.

but i submit these arguments not as a hillary supporter... but as a democrat. and a member of the blue party living deep in a red state. a red state that turns more and more scarlet every day... just as washington has glowed as red as mars over the past seven years.

i want what's best for the party... and i do feel that is hillary.

so all bias aside.... i want obama to be president....in 2016. after some vetting. after some experience.

after hillary.

hillary 08!

e.

Don't F@#k with J.C.

the earnest quest for my eternal soul continues.

i received an email yesterday that warned the following:

death is certain but the bible speaks about untimely death! it is written in the bible (galatians 6:7):
"be not deceived; god is not mocked: for whatsoever a man sow, that shall he also reap."

the blessed email then offers several "facts" plucked ever-so-delicately from the pages of history.

lesson #1: john lennon.
some years before, during his interview with an american magazine, lennon said:
"christianity will end, it will disappear. i do not have to argue about that. i am certain. jesus was okay, but his subjects were too simple. today we are more famous than him" (1966).

lennon, after saying that the beatles were more famous than jesus christ, was shot six times. imagine....

lesson #4: the man who built the titanic.
as leo and kate taught us back in '97, the creator of the titanic said "not even god can sink it."

i think we all know what happened next, yes? 3 hours of overacting but great visual effects!

and my kathy. god, i love kathy bates....

lesson #5: marilyn monroe.
so the lesson goes: she was visited by billy graham during a presentation of a show.
he said the spirit of god had sent him to preach to her and after hearing what the preacher had to say, marilyn said: "i don't need your jesus."

a week later, the kennedys had her killed.

and on and on it goes....

the lesson i have learned:
jesus is touchy.

you have to love the idea that he is so vengeful that he smites people who may disagree with him or mock him.

not a very secure deity....... gotta learn to roll with the punches, ya know what i mean, man?

just relax, j.c.

have some wine....

sure, friday is the anniversary of the day they tacked you up... probably not a good day for you... despite the name.

but just think: on sunday millions and millions of people are honoring you... blindly just falling to their knees to honor you.

and i'm sure the nazi will make some lovely comments in rome.

and who knows? maybe mother mary will surprise you sunday morning with an easter basket full of chocolates and other goodies?

see... things are looking up. so stop with the vengeance, man.

we're just having a spot of fun.

no harm, no foul.

although... i can't seem to shake this cold.

hmmmm.....

e.

Ends of the Spectrum

i like to think of myself as a pretty well-rounded fag.

i have tastes that stretch between genres and stereotypes. one weekend i had to back out of ballet plans because i forgot i had tickets to see a football game.

i'm as comfortable at a longhorn game in austin as i am an albee play in new york.

but this weekend seemed oddly disjointed.

was anything real?
i was flipping channels friday night...not quite ready to hit the sack when i came across something bizarre.

i had heard rumors about this in the past but couldn't believe it was suddenly on.

for the first time ever, apparently, the AVN adult movie awards were being broadcast on television. shotime to be exact.

oh, it was glorious!

all the glitz, glamour and tits you could imagine. it was camp heaven!

there were titles like i've been sodomized 3, black snake boned and desert stormy... apparently named after a rather famous porn star.

women were in gowns....well, most of the women were in gowns. certain body parts could barely be contained! men were, well, less impressive. but some wore suits. or tuxedos.

they had clips from past winners... and montages of the best female nominees.

they had a band that played winners up to the stage. they even have dance numbers! the number i witnessed seemed to be in response to a call for continued freedom of speech (and the ability to watch what you want in the privacy of your own home) and it happened to look like cirque du soleil on ecstasy.

fabulous....

it was the 25th anniversary, so maybe they went all out.... but i was just beside myself with pleasure.

the categories included "best all girl sex scene," "best anal sex scene" and "best cocksucker." (the woman that won apparently was sick while shooting her scene...so good for her!)

oh, and the fake tans and fake blondes and fake cheeks and fake noses and fake tits.... oh christ! it was almost too much.

and people said things like "it can suck taking a load in the face" and "to all you perverts that jack off to [my movie]...thank you very much!"

and some guy accepted an award shortly after larry flynt and said "i've never seen people come together like they did in this movie" and i honestly have no idea how to spell the word "come" in the context of this sentence during this award show!

and on and on... one woman said "i'm more nervous [presenting an award] than taking cock in my ass!" well, sure!

and someone else simply stated what everyone in porn should know in order to win their own adult movie award: "to prepare..i just make sure i'm horny."

i'm telling you....it was too much fun to watch. and really...only one thing confused me. apparently some porn actor's name is jean valjean... and all that kept circulating in my mind was: "if you're named after a character in les miserables, shouldn't you be doing gay porn?

ushering in spring
on the flip side, my lovelies.... i just returned from a lovely sunday afternoon trip to the houston symphony.

the symphony was performing vivaldi's four seasons and i've long wanted to hear it performed.

the allegro of la primavera and the first section (allegro non molto) of l'inverno have long been my favorite parts of the whole symphony. i felt l'inverno started off a bit heavy with the harpsichord and i had some problems with an unnecessary number of crescendos and descrendos.

but my biggest complaint of the afternoon was with the soloist. apparently the original soloist, benjamin schmid, had to back out due to a family emergency. instead, a young violinist by the name of adele anthony stepped in.

make no mistake...the woman has talent. but i felt she almost killed some of the more lovely moments in the symphony with excessive flourishes. she seemed determined not to hold any one note for too long or make a smooth transition between certain notes... instead trilling between them and just adding more where i feel there should have been less.

but some other lovely work by the entire symphony. and the second part of the afternoon's program included mendelssohn's symphony no. 4 in A major (a piece i first became familiar with thanks to woody allen's a midsummer nights sex comedy) and verdi's overture to la forza del destino.... which began like a godfather movie.

the highlight of the afternoon may have been watching the guest conductor. christoph campestrini just loves these pieces. he was so animated and used his entire body to conduct the orchestra. (i swear at one point i saw him cue an oboe with his knee.)

he required no podium...no sheet music. he knew this work and he just moved with the music and hopped and cued and made the types of flourishes that i adore.

bravo, sir. it was a splendid afternoon.... one long overdue.

some minor complaints...but overall - i can't think of a better way of heading into a new spring season.

e.

p.s. i had dinner with a group of friends saturday night at a very chic, mexican restaurant (can you imagine it?). the table consisted of 12 bears (not the animals). big eaters, yes.... a lively group. one wore a kilt... not sure why.

but a well-lubricated woman approached the table at one point and had a burning question: "why do ya'll all have beards?"

looking around...sure enough - all 12 of us had facial hair. (except the chap in the kilt.)

were we part of some facial hair fan club? she had to know!

breeders... they can be so cute.

H-Town Represent!

have you seen this lovely photograph...?

it's actually a still from an ATM somewhere around chapel hill and the gentleman in the snapshot is suspected of killing university of north carolina student, eve carson, back on march 5th.

unlucky for eve... it appears she was a victim of a random mugging.... no signs of sexual assault. luckily for eve...she's a pretty, young blonde so the national media has been all over this case.

but i'd like to direct your attention to the baseball cap the young man in the photo is wearing underneath his hoodie and over what appears to be a rather impressive afro.

that's vintage houston astros, baby!

nice to see the astros have taken over for the chicago white sox as the cap of choice for thugs across america.

well played, team.

e.

p.s. the gentleman in question is very probably in custody as of today... don't worry - the media is all over it. she was young and blonde, remember. so you'll hear about it.

Could This Be True...?

recently i have come into contact with a friend of a friend.

my friend is infinitely supportive of my playwriting goals. her friend happens to run a theatre production company in new york city.

i have been emailing back and forth with said producer for a few months now. actually, without any knowledge of this by most of my friends.

i had hoped to keep it secret... and suppose i still could if i deleted this post right now.

but interest has been expressed in my playwriting so it seems a good time to talk about it.

i have learned a couple of really important lessons from talking with this producer. the biggest of which is that the vast majority of off-off broadway production companies will not stage any play with less than six characters.

the majority of the paying audience, it turns out, is made up of the company's friends and family.

this is a bit of problem because i tend to favor smaller casts... in fact, the two act play i sent her has only three characters.

however, with an eye towards wanting to make it to new york ASAP... i've decided to focus on a script that has more characters than some of the others.

i currently have several play ideas circulating my increasingly overcrowded brain at the moment so i just need to focus on one.

and i did get a bit of good news the other week.... the friend of the friend is interested in sponsoring one of my short pieces in the 33rd annual samuel french, inc. off-off broadway short play festival.

i've signed the form giving her permission to submit my piece and if it is chosen for competition.... it will receive a production in the festival with the ultimate prize of six plays being published and receiving a licensing contract through samuel french, inc.

i don't really know how many plays are usually submitted but they choose only 50 for competition and only six will be published.

i'd say it's all a long shot.... but if my piece is chosen....

could this be true? yes... i'd receive a production of one of my pieces in new york city.

it's pretty fucking exciting, really.....

anyway, if nothing else...the friend of the friend has expressed interest in collaborating at some point.

so i guess i gotta get to work on the next big piece.

oy... i need to take some time off from work and pull this thing together.

in the meantime... keep your fingers crossed.

e.

Can This Be True...?

hello, my lovelies....

i can't believe i logged on today and it's been a week since my last entry! so much has happened!

hillary won big last tuesday when she took both texas and ohio. and i was in a splendid mood the morning after before wednesday turned into a spectacularly shitabulous day.

and then thursday followed suit. and friday....

nothing in the political world. in fact - everything was going hillary's way. it was all work bullshit.

but something else has happened, my loyal readers. and i can't believe it to be true.

i think i'm burned out on politics.

YES! i know....!

i've sat down... i've taken a deep breath. several. i've even popped a variety of lovely colored pills.

nothing seems to help.

i'm simply worn out. and this is not a good time for me. i was elected a precinct delegate and i must attend the senate precinct convention on march 29th in order to further my support of hillary.

i was thrilled to get this honor.... and i have one tidbit to share about the experience which i will save for the end.

but since then.... i'm just over it.

samantha power? whatever...the dumbshit. don't call hillary a "monster." you lost your job. well done...

(interesting side note: i watched the documentary no end in sight over the weekend. guess who was interviewed for it? ms. power.... kind of a kooky koincidence.)

but my urge to talk about it has passed....

everyone talking about hillary still in the race...? yeah - all about it. but i can't seem to bring myself to read it.

and besides.... after two "blah" wins in mississippi (just now) and wyoming (who the fuck cares?) - the press is all ready to dust off the term "obamamentum."

i coined the phrase "obamath" last week after reading an article that shows if you take all the states obama has won and add up the electoral delegates he would accumulate in the general election come november... he would never win the presidency. however...if you take the electoral votes hillary would get from the big-ass states she's won... she's well on her way.

but obama has the momentum.

it did, however, lead me to create my new slogan for hillary...and i give it openly to the campaign: "hillary '08! because size does matter."

but again... no real enthusiasm to read up on all these thoughts.

and now my woman (you know i'm in love with all trail-blazing women. except, maybe, aileen wuornos) geraldine ferraro (whom i just brought up in conversation the other day (i'm suddenly obsessed with parenthetical phrases IN parentheses)) comes out and says that obama wouldn't be where he's at today if he weren't black and in response to criticism over her comments... she basically said "if anyone takes the obama campaign to task about their perceived trajectory - you're labeled a racist. well it works both ways... they're racist for calling me a racist... how 'bout them apples?"

again...i paraphrase. but she did end with a "how 'bout that?" kind of remark... so clearly she is poking fun. but everyone is in an uproar.

and everything has come down to race.... and gender... and i'm really fucking sick of it.

i just see all of this tearing apart the party.

i was all ready to talk about the times article that reminds people of how lackluster barack has been in the senate.

lest we also forget that he only made it to congress because his opponents self-destructed in the illinois democratic primary. does anyone remember mr. ryan wanting to swap jeri ryan in a sex club? i mean, don't get me wrong... i'm all on board with that... she's hot!

but after the potential desire for a spanky swap by mr. ryan hit the press, obama was made the dem nominee almost by default. and who did he run against? alan fucking keyes! wow! BIG upset....

but just typing this has made me exhausted....

i can't imagine this nomination process going all the way through june. and coming down to another fucking recount in florida.

and i can't imagine all the idiotic nonsense the media will focus on every single day until the final vote in puerto rico is counted.

thank god for a momentary break courtesy of governor spitzer. (oh - and should he be forced to resign when the GOP hasn't forced louisiana senator david vitter to resign after his hooker hanky panky?)

what i'm trying to say is i'm tired, my lovelies.... i'm losing my political spark.

maybe i need some hot, young dem to sweep me off my feet and take me to a midnight showing of primary colors?

god, i love kathy bates.

but i think i'll take another self-imposed hiatus from political entries. in fact, i think i'll immediately follow this one up with a non-political entry.

but before i go...i promised you (and this woman) that i would talk about one thing.

political coda
at the caucus within my district last week.... obama won by a slight margin. despite my meager situation, i do live around a rather affluent neighborhood.

through years of repressed guilt associated with their wealth and their continued non-action in helping out the black community...all the rich honkies in my precinct did vote for obama.

we smaller, mostly feminist voters...caucused for hillary.

as i mentioned...i was elected a delegate. and so was a twenty-something-year-old woman named melinda.

we discussed the make-up of our district and our disappointment that all the hot guys remained inside with obama's group. and after some discussion of the obamamentum (i really fucking hate that term) melinda said, "i blame my generation."

i looked at her and said, "i blame your generation too."

and she went on to lay out her very interesting theory that i had not heard from anyone else. obama's power over the young vote is all due to marketing.

yes! this makes sense to me.

as she said, "mine is the first generation that has known nothing but marketing. we've been marketed to all our lives. i wear these cute, flat shoes. i don't know why...! but i wear them." and she talked about how obama has done nothing but market to the younger generation and how hillary has done no marketing towards them.

of course they're flocking in droves to obama! they watch laguna beach for chrissakes!

anyway... great theory. had to share.

and that...for now... is that.

i think. (i should really make no promises... anything could happen. maybe a good piece of chocolate cake?)

hillary '08!

e.

Notes From All Over: Texas Primary Edition

so today's the day.....

i've been waiting for this day since hillary became first lady back in her husband's administration.

today i got to cast my vote for hillary clinton to become the next president of the united states.

i'm not gonna lie. it felt fucking great!

and it got me thinking about a few things that i've observed and thought about as we head towards the close of junior tuesday or critical tuesday....or whatever you want to call march 4, 2008.

obama, hillary & the media
i spoke with a woman this weekend that made we rethink the way i'm pissed at the media. i complained about the media's love affair with obama. "no," she said. "the media's not running a pro-obama campaign as much as they're running an anti-hillary campaign." true, true.... they're setting obama up to fail by not vetting him and not asking him the hard questions.

this week obama has finally faced some tough questioning. and some bad press coverage concerning his friend rezko and some maybe, possible conversations with canada regarding NAFTA.

welcome to the party, barack. it's rough out there.

best. sign. ever.
when i was at the bill rally this weekend i saw a small boy carrying a sign that read: when i turn 18, i'm voting for chelsea!

hell yeah!

if she wins texas & ohio...
if hillary wins both of the big primaries today... fuck yes! she should go on.

obama currently holds a 150 delegate lead. that's not huge considering... and consider most of all... this is after "11 straight victories."

if obama's won 11 straight and he hasn't wrapped up this nomination...why should the process not go on? if he was winning big, important states (not that you're not important, connecticut) wouldn't he have this thing in the bag?

hillary has a strong narrative if she wins the two big states tonight that she can carry the important states the dems will need to win.

yes, yes.... i've heard all the bullshit about "obama is winning in red states." "oooh - look how impressive!" "barack can make gains in the red states."

ummmm, people. i hate to break up your little party, but....

obama won the DEMOCRATIC primaries in those states. it's a democratic race. a democrat was gonna win that election. ya see how that works?

it's not magic that a democrat won a democratic election in a red state.

guess what? the GOP will win those states come november.

so hillary has a strong argument if she wins texas and ohio tonight.

if hillary loses texas or ohio...
i think she needs to drop out. especially if she loses ohio.

hillary runs into a math problem if she loses either of those states. it's already hard for her without enormous wins tonight... but the argument is stronger for her if she wins both.

ohio decided the presidency back in 2004. if she wins there...she could go on with some sort of argument and declaration of victory.

but the realist in me knows that if she doesn't win both states tonight... she won't get the nomination.

at that point...we need to end this race and focus on the general. it's what's best for the party.

and i want a democrat in the white house. even if that means that windbag obama.

final thoughts
texas is the only state where you can vote twice legally. so be sure to vote TWICE today.

caucus tonight.

it's not every year that texas plays an important role in the process. hell... it's not every decade.

but this year we do... and you owe it to yourself to take advantage and take apart of this exciting election year.

because after today.... texas goes red again and (to use a texas phrase) we won't make a lick of difference.

go hillary!

e.

A Brief Meeting With An Icon

i headed back down to east houston this morning to assist with the bill clinton rally.

i met up with several of the fabulous and energetic women i had volunteered with yesterday. in between signing up individuals to volunteer and act as precinct captains....we had great conversations about the election and our passion for hillary.

this weekend has done so much to re-energize me in the fight to get hillary into the white house.

bill was on fire again today when he spoke. joking with the crowd... driving points home.

the crowd came out despite some rain and a shitload of wind.

and the women...again...they were so wonderful. and they represented california and florida and houston itself....

i was surprised at how candid some of them were with me... sharing very personal stories. several of us bonded over the struggles facing our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters.

but after the rally i went back to hillary headquarters... and i saw a small, latin woman sitting in a chair. no one was with her but i was certain i recognized her.

i approached her slowly and asked, "excuse... i'm sorry, but could i ask you your name?"

she replied softly, "dolores huerta."

i must have beamed as i put out my hand. "i thought so," i said. i introduced myself and told her it was such an honor to meet her. i spoke with her briefly.

for those who may not know.... dolores huerta was the woman who first organized the farm workers in california alongside cesar chavez back in the 1960s.

this woman is an icon and a leader in the organized labor fight. she was directly responsible for the founding of the united farm workers union (UFW) or the AFL-CIO.

i'm a big union supporter....i'm from the midwest afterall. and to have met this amazing woman... a woman who has been arrested over 20 times and who was savagely beaten by the SFPD back in 1988.

this woman who is standing up for hillary... urging all latinos and union workers to campaign and vote for our girl.

it was an amazing moment for me.... it's not every day you get to meet such a woman. a pioneer.

it was just a brief meeting... but i met a small piece of history today.

and i was a bit overwhelmed.

hillary 08.

e.

A Few Hours at Hill HQ

i've been good, my lovelies... no new political entries for nearly two weeks.

you've needed a break. i've needed a break.

things have not been looking good for my girl..... but today really upped my spirits.

i went down to hillary clinton's main houston headquarters today for an 11:00 precinct captain meeting. the training was packed.... made me feel great.

but afterwards.... i wanted to stick around and volunteer with the campaign.

everyone was heading downtown for the big hillary walking contingent for the rodeo parade. well... i don't support the rodeo in any way and i'm not big on large crowds... so i requested i stay behind. anything i could do to help...

i was thrown on the main phone for the headquarters.

yes... if you called hillary HQ today between noon and 5...you probably heard me say: "hillary clinton for president. how can i help you?"

and there was non-stop action throughout the day. people donating food and water to the campaign volunteers. people making calls on behalf of hillary. people picking up fliers and yard signs and just dropping in to wish everyone luck and to see what they could do.

several people just wanted us to know they were pulling for hillary. several talked about how much they have done.

i met the woman who impersonates elvis at the campaign rallies... (yes, sister epiphenita - i met her!)

and there were volunteers from all over the country. i worked closely with a woman from san francisco who worked with dolores huerta and the farm workers union for years out in california... she's promised to introduce me.

i met a young african american man from new jersey who came down to volunteer... he had just been in wisconsin. "barack obama is a good lookin' man," he said, "but hillary is sexy."

there was a guy from missouri who was a main volunteer. i spoke with a young man flying in from massachusetts to volunteer with the campaign and asked me for some help.

and i was overwhelmed by a dedicated flock of women from california.

i'm not gonna lie, my lovelies.... they were lesbians.

there was a busload of lesbians helping out today......... and they like to make calls....and they came all the way from fucking california! it was amazing.

after every new person i met i felt more and more energized.

even when i got phone calls from people wanting to talk to sheila jackson lee because she asked them to vote for hillary and they would never vote for hillary and they sure as hell didn't vote for sheila.

and i got calls from people who knew exactly how hillary should be running her campaign. and how she should run this commercial more and say this at every campaign stop.

i had people pissed about phone calls... or mad about the trees we'd killed for mailings.

but for every negative call i got.... i got five calls from a devout hillary supporter. how can i help? they asked. what can i do?

i told people about caucusing. i helped them find their voting location. i signed up people who needed assistance getting to the polling places because they can't drive or need help.

i carried in donations of food and water. i carried out signs for older women who couldn't carry them. or for a mother and daughter who wanted two large signs for their corner house. she has seven children - all seven voted for hillary.

i answered phones and stapled yard signs.

i listened to people pissed off about the media slant towards obama and how unfair all the coverage has been. people expressed their doubts in obama... how they like him but hillary... she's our girl, man!

and i promised one woman i would do something for her... and i'm fulfilling my promise.

i received a call from a 77 year old woman who was furious about the media's love affair with obama. she wanted hillary and she thought she might have a heart attack if hillary didn't win on tuesday.

and she kept posing the question: "who would you rather have the president wake up in bed next to at 3am? cindy mccain? michelle obama? or bill clinton?"

she said she would go downtown and sit in the middle of traffic if she could afford to pay the fine she'd get when arrested. she was so gung-ho for hillary... and she wished there was a way to get her message out there. she didn't have internet access. she knew the houston chronicle would never publish her letter.

she so desperately wanted people to know how much she wanted hillary president and why she wanted hillary in the oval office. she just didn't have a way to get her message out there.

and i told her i did... that i had a way to get her message out there.

she was so happy....she made me promise i would do it. to tell everyone a 77 year old woman wanted her message about hillary out there... and even if just a few people could read what i would post....she would be thrilled.

i want this woman to see hillary in the white house... and i want a lot of other women in their 70's and 80's who thought they would never see a woman in the white house see hillary as our president.

i promised i would post her message...

who would you rather have the president wake up next to in the white house? cindy mccain? michelle obama? or bill clinton?

this is for you, my new 77 year old friend.

this is for hillary.......

don't forget to vote! don't forget to caucus!

hillary '08!

e.